A few minutes later, Connor walks through the door, takes one look at me, and says, "Kenzie, what'swrong?"
My face is covered in the ugliest tears I'm sure he's ever seen. Why? Why is this happening to me? Whynow?
"Baby, please tell me what happened. Why are youcrying?"
I gather myself, taking a few breaths. We were both hopeful about the study and envisioned the treatments curing my cancer. Now all hope is lost. I can’t bring myself to say it out loud so instead I say, "They're canceling thestudy."
"What? How?" he asks,shocked.
"Something with the FDA. They lost their funding," I whisper through my tremblingjaw.
"So what does that mean? What happens next?" He strokes my hair in the most loving and calmingway.
"It means my chances are over. It's only a matter of time before I die, and if I don’t do chemo and radiation, it will happensooner."
"What do you meanif? Isn't that what you have todo?"
The tears have stopped, but my heart is breaking in two. I want life. I want it with him. How long do Ihave?
"There's really no point. There’s no cure. Treatment might prolong my life, but in the end I’ll stilldie."
"But so does everyone at some point. Why not take the chance? You have to try,Kenzie."
"Connor," I whisper before closing my eyes as more tears wellup.
"You have to try, Kenzie," hepleads.
“I already decided a long time ago that I wouldn't put myself through that. That's why I was part of the study. I don't want my last months to be spent in a hospital or sick in bed. I know it will happen already why make it happen earlier than itshould?"
“Because you have me now,” he whispers as he pulls me into him. It’s almost as if he meant to say it to himself and not outloud.
My arms go around him, holding on for dear life as I sob into hischest.
* * *
When I wake up,my eyes are almost swollen shut from crying. I was an absolute mess until Connor wrapped me in his arms, making love to me like he never hasbefore.
Every movement was considerate, every kiss was meaningful, and when we both reached climax, it was the most beautiful moment of my life. The love radiating off him was more than I everimagined.
I reach out, wanting to feel his comfort once more, only I find nothing but an empty bed next to me. It’s two in the morning, and I wonder where Connor couldbe.
After wrapping a blanket around me, I wander into the living room. He’s sitting at the kitchen table, with his laptop and printer set up and multiple stacks of paper littering the surroundingspace.
He doesn’t notice me standing there. He’s squinting at the screen and chewing on a pencil, looking back and forth between the screen and a paper next tohim.
His vision turns to the paper and his finger scans it like he’s searching in anticipation, I’m taken by surprise when he yells, “Fuck,” and throws his pencil across theroom.
The yelp I release gives away my presence. “What's wrong?” I ask, almost afraid to move towardhim.
“I’m sorry if I woke you,” he says. “Go back to bed. I’ll be there soon.” He dismisses me, which raises redflags.
“Something wrong with a case?” I ask, crossing the room towardhim.
He’s looking at the Mayo Clinic’s page on glioblastoma and every piece of paper on the table is about mycancer.
“Connor,” Iwhisper.
“I have to do this. This is what I’m good at. I solve mysteries, I find the truth. I’ll find a cure. You’ll be fine. If I just research it more. I’ll talk to Alan. He’ll help me. I know he will. I just have to get everything together, learn as much as I can. I’m trying to find the study, what they were doing. Then I can find another investor. I know there’s money outthere.”
