He’s rambling, not making sense. I lean down so I’m at hislevel.
“Connor, look at me,” Idemand.
“I can’t, baby. I have to work. I can’t stop now, I’m so close. Look, Ihave—”
He reaches for a piece of paper, and I stop him, cupping his face in my hands. “Connor, please. There’s nothing you cando.”
“Yes, there is. This is why I’m such a good lawyer. I always find theanswer.”
“You can’t solve this, Connor. It’s not acase.”
He stands up in anger. “Yes I can! I will find a cure. I have to.” He looks at me, realization hitting him hard. “I can’t lose you…” he says in horror as he starts toshake.
I throw my arms around him, and he pulls me close, burying his head in my shoulder as he cries. He clings to me with every bit of hisbeing.
“I love you, Mackenzie. Please don’t leave me,” he says throughsobs.
“I’m so sorry. I’m sorry I’m putting you through this. I’m sorry I’ve brought you this pain,” Icry.
Unfortunately, my plea only makes him cryharder.
17
Dear Diary,
This entire timeI’ve worried about me, my life, my pain, my needs. Tracy warned me about hurting Connor’s feelings, and now I see the destruction I’ve caused in his life. The pain I worry he’ll never heal from. I did that. My selfishness has ruined his life. The guilt I feel is something that will follow me to thegrave.
Mackenzie
Mackenzie,
Things have beenquiet since we woke up this morning. We laid in each other’s arms until I finally had to give in and use the bathroom and get somewater.
I sit at the breakfast bar, looking at the research Connor accumulated last night, and it feels like my heart is going to break all overagain.
He sits next to me while reaching for my hand. After a few minutes he wraps his arm around me and holds me close to him. There's not much to be said but his touch says it all. There’s no doubt he'll be there for me every step of the way, and that thought gives me more hope than I've ever had in thepast.
"So this list?" he says, breaking thesilence.
"Whatlist?"
He gives me the cutest grin. "The list that has banging me as one of your to-do's."
I laugh. "It does not say ‘bangConnor.’"
He nudges me with his leg. "Don't lie. It definitely says ‘bang Connor.’ That's why you came afterme."
"I'll give you that, but it is definitely worded differently. And how in the hell do you know about mylist?"
"Tracy told me. But I only know that I was on it. What elseis?"
I hide my face, embarrassed about the list I made of things I want to do before I die. It's totally cliché so I have different things other than the normal jump out of a plane or climb Mt.Everest.
My list has silly things, like experience a Brazilian wax or sing in the rain. I wanted to do the normal things that people experience that I won't have the opportunity todo.
Even though Tracy knows about it and even helped check off the box with our audition, that we never got a call back for, I’ve never actually showed anyone. “It’s stupid. Just forget aboutit.”
“Not a chance. Remember, you’re the one who named yourself Last Chance. I’m here to make sure you live life to thefullest.”
