Sophia’s heart sank and she pulled her hand back. “Me too,” she said quietly, feeling like a fool. “Me too.”
The rest of the meal unwound in typical fashion.
They chatted merrily, they joked and they laughed, they basked in one another’s company in a way that was familiar and real. It should have been enough to satisfy her; the idea that they were moving in the right direction and that soon they would take that next step.
It was strange how impatient Sophia was becoming. Not so long ago, she never would have dreamed that she would be so needy and desperate. That she would be the one who was pushing for more, testing the boundaries, and even turning upset that things were not moving quicker.
That just spoke to how much she had changed. But if she had changed this much, if she was a new person, the same who Gabriel wanted her to be, why was he not making a move? Why did he not want her as she wanted him?
When the meal was over, Gabriel leaned back in his chair and rested his hand on his swollen belly. “I am going to sleep like a baby tonight.”
“So, up every hour and crying? Good to know.”
He laughed. “Something like that. How was everything?”
“Delicious,” she said. “Perfect, even.”
“Perfect? Does such a thing exist?”
“It might…” She looked at him shyly. “Often in the most unlikely place.”
He frowned at the comment, saying nothing.
Sophia cursed herself silently, realizing how unsubtle her comment was. He must have known by now how she felt. At the very least, he must have been able to feel it too. But then why was he so distant? Why did he refuse to accept where they were going?
“You are… going to sleep now?” she asked carefully, her eyes flicking to him and away.
“Soon,” he said. “I have some work to finish and then, yes, my bed is calling me.”
“Oh…” Her heart was racing. “I thought I might have a drink.” She looked at him and glanced away again. “If you would like to join me.”
“A drink?” He frowned at her. “What’s the occasion?”
“Does one need one?” She forced herself to look at him, hope reflecting in her eyes.
He studied her closely. He looked deeply into her eyes. She pouted, appearing hopeful, wanting him to see her true meaning… not that she knew what it was, exactly. Just that she wanted more time alone, a suggestive circumstance, one where it would be easy to say how she was feeling without fear of rejection.
It was ironic, really, that she had changed so much, able to convince herself that she no longer cared what people thought. If that was true, then she would tell Gabriel exactly what she was thinking.
I have changed… just not as quickly as I might have liked.
“I…” Gabriel licked his lips and she continued to look right at him. The tension built. The implication was clear. He just needed to say yes… “Another time, perhaps.”
Her heart dropped through the floor. “Yes…” She looked away. “Another time.”
Gabriel left her shortly after that, a joke made about being close to bursting, and a good night given because he hoped that she slept well. She accepted his words kindly, returned the joke, and made sure to keep everything civil and comfortable.
But once she was alone, Sophia felt herself crash. This marriage was so close to being perfect… right there… within reach. Sophia was glad for how much she had changed, and she was thrilled that her husband encouraged it. But until they took the next step, until they explored the feelings that they both clearly felt, it would never be perfect.
Despite Gabriel’s misgivings, in Sophia’s mind, perfect was attainable.
Gabriel stood outside Sophia’s closed bedroom door. His right hand was extended, hovering about the handle, shaking from nervousness as he tried to force himself to take that handle, throw the door open, and walk in.
She wants you to. Likely, she is in there right now, praying that I go to her. I know that she is!
Gabriel was no fool. And that went double when it came to women. He had spent his life embodying the characteristics of a rake, the type who slept with women everywhere he went, whenever he wished, caring not for what people thought of him – especially not caring what the women thought. All he cared for was his own pleasure and doing whatever he damn well wished.
This marriage had changed that about him.
