Reaching across to take her hand in his and gently stroking across her knuckles, he continued, “We’d been married a couple of months when I noticed changes in Penny . . . bad changes. I accused her of using again and rather than denying it she got defensive and we ended up having a huge row. She basically told me to fuck off, which was fine, par for the course in an argument, but she then told me that the baby wasn’t mine anyway.”
“Oh, Jon,” Steph said sadly, squeezing his hand now.
“I liked Penny, but I would never have married her without her being pregnant.”
Steph nodded again.
“I was poleaxed and when she stormed out, I made no attempt to follow her.” Silence filled the space between them until Jon suddenly got to his feet. “Come on,” he told Steph but was already leading her back through the park towards a country house on the outskirts of the grounds.
Jon continued speaking as they walked. “It was about two hours later that there was a knock on the door, the police. Penny had been involved in an accident. She used to ride a bike, she was always very eco-aware and had a real passion for the environment. When we first met, that was her mission, long term, to work the legal system to aid those who wanted to make changes for the world and I never doubted she could or would.”
Steph smiled, in spite of her rising confused feelings at the sound of this man who she loved talking about his wife with such pride.
“She was riding her bike along a busy road when a car hit her,” he explained with a wobble to his voice. “The car driversaid she was wobbling all over the place and he’d only clipped her really, but she lost balance and had no chance of avoiding the bus that was right behind her.”
“Shit,” muttered Steph, unsure what else to say or do so stuck to that one word and another squeeze of Jon’s hand.
“The impact of the bus was significant, catastrophic was the word the doctors used.”
“Jon, I am so sorry,” Steph told him, thinking that her words were inadequate.
He seemed to ignore her condolences and continued to speak. “She was in a bad way. She was stabilised and eventually transferred to a specialist unit that dealt with coma and persistent vegetative state patients. The baby died, he didn’t stand a chance . . .” Jon added and that was when a single tear rolled down his face.
Ironically, a woman on a bike with a child attached in a trailer rode past them as Steph wrapped herself around Jon’s middle to hold him, desperate to offer him some comfort.
“He was mine, the baby. I believed he was mine and felt in my heart that he was. Penny might have been using again and capable of lying about most things, but not that, she never would,” he claimed with real conviction that simply made Steph nod as they continued to walk. “Penny remained in that state for a couple of months and surprised everyone by beginning to come round. I’d been warned that it was unlikely that she would but I was also advised that if she did she would be severely disabled and her quality of life was likely to be highly compromised.”
“What happened, to Penny?” Steph asked, unsure now if she wanted the answer.
“She’s here,” he replied pointing up at the country house they stood at the stone steps of.
“Here?”
“Yeah, this is a nursing home, which is why you have never seen Penny’s stuff around.”
Steph froze as she realised that he intended to take her inside to meet his wife.
“Hey, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, darling, but I want to be honest with you and for you to see exactly who and what Penny was and still is to me. I cared for her, but I didn’t love her, not like you should love your wife, not like I love you. I married her because she was having my baby, no other reason, we both knew that. I think the drugs relapse would probably have signified the end of our marriage and most likely a messy custody battle if I am honest.”
Steph made no reply and while her heart raced at his words about the way he loved her, it sank as she thought of coming face to face with her lover’s wife. With her hand still in Jon’s she began the ascent of the steps before them, indicating that she was going to meet Mrs Brooker.
“Ready?” Jon asked as they came to a stop at what could have been a door in a very classy hotel.
Steph noticed from the second they’d entered that the staff were all very friendly and warm. They’d greeted Jon by name meaning he visited regularly. He’d been told that Penny was having a good day and was in her room with the physio and her nurse.
“I pop in a couple of times a week,” he told her as if he knew what she was thinking. “If I have an hour or two free I come in the day and I used to come a couple of evenings a week too, but I prefer to spend my evenings with you,” he admitted with a little guilt.
Unable to think of anything else to say Steph said, “Ready.”
Jon tapped at the door and with a call of ‘come in’ from the other side they entered the room together.
“Hey Pen, I’ve brought someone to meet you,” Jon called as the room and its occupants came into view.
The nurse smiled and immediately greeted Jon by name. The physio offered a wave before telling Penny they were done for today. Steph turned her full attention to Penny as the medical staff left.
Penny was beautiful. She had shoulder length, curly blonde hair that was freshly washed and styled and bright blue eyes that sparkled. Jon sat in a chair next to the wheelchair Penny was in and began to chat, starting with Lucy being pregnant. Steph was unsure what to do so focused on the room and the woman before her. The damage her body and brain had endured were evident by the fact that Penny’s body seemed to move erratically in a combination of convulsive and constrictive movements; her arms seemed almost fixed in tightly upright positions near her chest, while her legs flailed independently. She was clearly breathing without assistance and as Jon chatted to her she made sounds, noises, but there was no speech that she could decipher and if she was honest, Steph was unsure if there was any real understanding. Penny’s head swayed from side to side, almost as if she was moving to music that only she could hear while Jon continued to speak.
Steph refocused on the room. It was fully accessible with track hoisting and an en-suite wet room. The walls were decorated tastefully but it was the addition of personal belongings that made Steph smile. There were flags of eco-warrior organisations, framed newspaper cuttings of marches and demonstrations that she assumed Penny must have been involved in and photos, lots of photos. Some of Penny, as she had been and that really showed the extent of how she’d been changed by her accident. There were photos with Penny, Jon and Charlie together, possibly from uni and then one of Jon and Penny together and clearly expecting a baby. Steph could feelshe was becoming a little overwhelmed by her own feelings and thoughts about the position she found herself in with Jon but more so for Jon and Penny, what they’d had and what they’d lost and that is when she saw the framed photo of a baby scan.
