“Not a bloody word,” she says, already pulling me into her warm embrace.
With my hand in hers she takes me to the sofa where we sit opposite one another. From her position, Liv eyes my suitcase near the lift doors.
“Are you going somewhere?”
I nod. “I think it’s for the best. For me and all of you.”
She looks sad. “What about the baby. I’m already two days over.”
I shake my head, refusing to cry so soon. We haven’t even said goodbye yet.
“I don’t want you to go.” Liv allows a couple of stray tears to fall.
“I have to. This situation is impossible. I love Dec and I had no idea not having him could hurt so badly, but it does. I am barely surviving, and he is Mase’s brother so I can’t pretend he doesn’t exist or avoid him forever, can I?”
She gives a slow shake of her head.
“We both need some time and space before we can be in your life and not each other’s.”
“Why are you being so mature and sensible?” she asks with a short laugh.
“I dunno. Maybe I grew up. I felt so guilty about my baby and so, so ashamed, but now, I can see that I did the right thing. I was brave and selfless and letting her go is the only thing that hurt me more than losing Dec. I didn’t know you or Mase or Dec when I made that decision so I can’t say it was the best decision because of seeing Christian through all of you, but that would have been horrendous for everyone involved. However, she didn’t deserve to grow up without a father or to discover how she was conceived, in deceit and lies and to be faced with the fact that her daddy loved his other children more than her and he chose them and his life with them over her.”
Liv is crying silent tears now, their flow refusing to be stemmed by her hands that are attempting to wipe them away.
“I am sorry I didn’t tell anyone. Sorriest of all that I wasn’t more honest with Dec. I thought I could hide my shame, then I wanted to tell him but was scared he’d judge me badly, and once he told me about his own experience with Amber…I couldn’t do it because I knew how hard he’d found it to be on the receiving end of that decision. I never wanted him to compare me to her, to judge us both to be peas from the same pod, and I wasn’t sure he wouldn’t. Turns out it was all in vain because that is exactly what he thinks.”
“He loves you. He’s a mess. Mase is worried about him.”
My heart lurches, almost pleased that he’s a mess too, but I quickly reason that he’s a mess because I have reminded him of Amber and their child who he lost, not because of me directly.
“He’ll get over it.” I sound hard, but I don’t mean to. I would do anything to turn the clock back and have things work out differently, but I can’t, so I guess we’ll all have to get over it as best we can one way or another.
~~~
I spend another hour or so with my sister, discussing baby names and all the possibilities of where I might end up once I get to the airport. She makes me promise to call her once my flight is booked and then when I land. I happily agree to her demands but refuse to check in at least once a day, although I agree to drop her messages regularly if nothing else.
It’s time for me to leave and I really wish I didn’t have to do this. I want to be here when the baby is born and continue to build my relationship with Liv, but I’m unsure how easy that would be right now because although he’s been mentioned a few times, I haven’t seen or spoken to Mase since that day in the kitchen and I get the feeling he is seriously pissed off with me.
“I love you and if you need anything.” Liv is pulling me in for another hug. “Promise me.”
“I promise.”
She finally releases me and with my suitcase picked up, I hit the button on the lift, but it instantly opens to reveal Dec.
He does look like shit, but I can’t even consider that right now. I need to leave. To get as far away from him as I can because my heart is breaking all over again at the sight of him.
We cross as he steps off the lift and I hurry in.
“Don’t forget. Call me,” Liv cries as the doors close between us.
Falling back into the corner of the lift, I hug myself and allow the tears to fall with a promise that they will stop by the time I am in a cab on my way to the airport. I don’t even believe that will be the end of them once I reach my next destination because Declan Harding is without a doubt the love of my life and I will never feel for anyone what I feel for him. He is the one, and now, the one who got away.
Chapter 30
Declan
Liv is giving me daggers and is clearly upset, but right now, her sadness and annoyance are the last things on my mind.
