She nods, tears begin to run down her face. I fight the urge to reach across and brush them away, to comfort her because I am hurting as much as her, maybe more so.
“You told him, and I assume he didn’t want to know.”
Another nod and more tears.
“Whose idea was it to get rid of the baby?”
“His. He told me I couldn’t have it, that I would be alone, and he wouldn’t help financially.”
It’s my turn to nod now. I can hear Christian telling her that.
“You agreed?”
“I didn’t think I had a choice.”
“Of course you had a fucking choice!” I am incensed at her pathetic response. “Everyone has a choice. You chose to sleep with him. You contributed to getting pregnant by a married man—”
She cuts me off, her words a jumble of sounds through her sobs. “I didn’t know he was married.”
I laugh, a cold and heartless laugh, which is ironic considering my heart is currently being torn from my chest. “Well, that’s okay then! So long as you didn’t realise you were fucking a married man the moral high ground is clearly yours!”
“Dec.”
“No, I’ve heard enough unless you can tell me that you didn’t give your own child up for adoption without the courtesy of advising the father beforehand.”
And there it is, my real issue with this. As much as Christian is a creepy, cheating arsehole, he has had done to him what was done to me. I know he’s unlikely to lose any sleep over that unless he thinks his dirty secret is about to be discovered, but the fact remains that Anita did to him what Amber did to me. I clearly have a type, but no more. I am done.
With my shoulders pushed back, I wait. Anita says nothing. There is nothing left for her to say.
I look around the kitchen at her bowls and utensils.
“You have until the club opens tonight to remove your things from my kitchen. You and your company are no longer welcome here.”
I hear the sobs catch in her throat, but I am not prepared to look at her or allow my feelings to be manipulated into feeling anything but anger and contempt for her, so continue making my way as far from her as possible.
“Your belongings at mine will be back at yours within the hour. Goodbye, Anita.”
The sound of her cries, howling from the confines of the kitchen follow me all the way home. The ringing of them in my ears cutting me like a knife, but this is the right decision. She is not the girl for me. She is not the girl I thought she was, and it is better that I found out now.
I need something to dull the pain and anguish coursing through my body. Whiskey is a good start, but where do I go from there?
Anita
When I gave up my baby, it was the right decision, maybe not for me, but certainly for her. She needed and deserved what I alone couldn’t give her, and I do not regret that decision. What I do regret is not being honest from the start, with my parents and Liv possibly, but definitely with Dec.
It is because of my dishonestly rather than the actual adoption that led to him breaking things off between us and cutting ties completely.
It’s been almost three weeks and he hasn’t once made contact and having spoken to Liv most days; I know she’s not spoken to Dec directly, but Mase has, I know Dec is in a bad way and drinking too much. I can only imagine how many women he has got through in order to block me out. Maybe blocking me out was the easy bit and I was never as important to him as he professed, or I believed. I dismiss that. What we had was real and special. I was the one who ruined it, not him.
My dad was fuming and assumed it was all Dec’s fault. I explained it wasn’t, but he refused to accept that until I opened and told him and my mum the whole truth, including Christian and the baby.
I barely sleep with thoughts of Dec and what could have been, but those same thoughts make me cry, a lot. After a chat with Scott, who told me how brave I was to have made a decision for my child rather than myself, I have decided that I am going away. I don’t entirely know how long for or where to, but my bag is packed and I am going to see Liv before heading to the airport to jump on a plane somewhere, hopefully somewhere hot.
Apart from Christian, this is the biggest risk I have ever taken. I just hope it works out better than it did with him. I have no clue what has happened with him and his wife if anything because Liv won’t even discuss him beyond saying Mase has been desperate to punch him for years and him laying a hand on her was the final straw.
I look around my room before skipping downstairs, ready to leave having already done all my goodbyes. The cab is already outside and waiting, I just need to take this final step.
The lift to Mase and Liv’s home is quick and before I really register being in it, the doors are opening to reveal my sister waddling towards me. She is huge and looks ready to burst.
