She nodded jerkily. ‘It all came back to me while Amabel was talking. The ball, our wedding, our life here.’ Her voice wavered. ‘Most of all, I remember how you treated me.’
‘That’s…’ He pushed a hand through his hair. ‘Florence, I’m so sorry.’
‘I believe you.’ She looked at him and then away again, her profile hardening. ‘You’re sorry now, but you weren’t then. You were cold and disdainful and so completely sure you were right. You walked away from me every time I tried to speak with you. You punished me for a crime I wouldneverhave even dreamed of committing and then, to compound it, you made me believe I was guilty too. You convinced me that I was a terrible person.’ She sniffed. ‘I could forgive you for everything else, but not that.’
He flinched. It was true, every word. His behaviour had been horrible. He’d been just like his father, heartless and dictatorial and remote. ‘If I could go back—’
‘But you can’t! And wishing for it won’t fix anything.’ She swung back towards him, her expression fierce again. ‘Do you know what the worst part is? That I was grateful to you for forgiving me.Grateful!’ She clenched her fists. ‘But I’m not just angry at you. I’m angry at myself as well, for not trusting myself when I knew, deep down, I would never have done something so awful.’ She lifted her chin. ‘But I know who I am again now and I’m not the one who should be feeling ashamed. You are. Because I know that if our roles had been reversed, I would have listened to you. I would have given you a chance.’ She rocked back on her heels, swaying away from him. ‘I detested you! That’s why I was out in the woods that day. Because I never wanted any of this and I thought I might freeze to death here!’
He felt a heavy thud in his chest. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean that on the day of my accident I was running away. Leaving you. I couldn’t even wait for the news of Amabel’s wedding so I could tell you the truth about what happened at the ball. I couldn’t see how it would make any difference, so I was going back to Cumberland. Then I thought you’d be able to get an annulment for desertion and it would be the best thing for both of us.’
‘I see.’ He swallowed hard. All this time, he’d simply assumed she’d been out riding. It had never for one moment occurred to him that she might have been leaving him. Because he was just as arrogant as she’d said… ‘And now?’ Somehow he kept his voice even. ‘Is that what you still want?’
‘I want the Leo I’ve known for the past two weeks.’ Some of the fire in her eyes faded. ‘But when I look at you now, all I can see is the man who turned his back on me. And I can’t bear to be anywhere near him. I almost died because of him.’ Her eyes glittered, pinning him to the spot. ‘Do you understand that? How horrible the atmosphere was here? How much it hurt?’
‘Yes.’ He nodded. ‘I do. I grew up in it and it’s not what I want either, but I can fix this. Just tell me what to do to prove how sorry I am. Ask me anything and I’ll do it.’
‘It’s too late.’
‘It can’t be.’ He felt a surge of panic. ‘The Florence I know doesn’t give up. Please.’ He moved closer, lowering his lips until they were within a hair’s breadth of hers. ‘I love you. Give me one more chance.’
He heard her sharp intake of breath. ‘You love me?’
‘Yes.’
He clutched desperately at her waist. It was true. The moment Amabel had told them the truth, the last defences around his heart had fallen away. He was in love with his wife, more deeply than he’d ever imagined possible.
‘We can get past this.’ He pulled her closer. ‘I’ve changed. I’m not who I was before. You’ve made me a better person.’
‘Maybe I have, but you made me believe I was a worse one.’
‘I’ll make it up to you.’
She looked up into his face, her own stricken. ‘Even if you can, even if youhavechanged, how could I ever be certain you won’t change back?’
‘Because I won’t turn into my father, I promise.’
‘Won’t you?’ She twisted her face towards the letter still sitting on his desk. ‘I know your behaviour wasn’t entirely your fault. It was because of the way he raised you. But, Leo, I’ve known you for two months. He had twenty-four years. How do I know that one day you won’t look at those “instructions” and think he was right, after all?’
‘Florence…’
‘You know, I think I loved you too.’ She lifted a hand to his face, smoothing the backs of her fingers across his cheekbone before pulling them away again. ‘When I thought I knew who you were, but now… I can’t tell any more. Maybe I love and hate you at the same time. All I know is that now I’ve remembered, I can’t make myself forget, and I’m not certain if I can forgive.’ She pulled away from him. ‘That’s why I have to leave. I need some time to think.’
‘How long?’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Will you come back?’
‘I don’t know that either.’ She lifted a shoulder. ‘I think I need to wait until I’m not so angry any more and then decide.’
‘Wait.’ He caught at her wrist as she turned to go. ‘I’m your husband. I could order you to stay.’
‘You could,’ she agreed, gently extricating herself before continuing towards the door, ‘but that would only prove that you’re like your father. I’ll leave first thing in the morning.’
And then she walked out, leaving emptiness behind.
