He took my hand and placed it against his chest where his heart was beating hard. “I laid awake last night, my thoughts so full of you, I couldn’t sleep. You’ve unmasked me and captured my heart, two things I didn’t think were possible.”
I stepped closer to him, laying my free hand on his cheek. “Your heart is safe with me.”
“Aye. I know it to be true.”
“You’ve captured my heart, too,” I whispered. “Completely.”
He kissed me deeply, holding me tight. When he pulled away, he said, “I want to protect you. Your body, your heart, and your honor. I don’t know what will happen when we get to Salem, but I don’t want any regrets, no matter how much time we have together. You are more precious to me than anything on earth, and I will protect you at all costs.”
His words filled my heart with warmth and affection. I wanted to stay in this moment with him forever.
“It will be impossible to sleep in this room with you,” he continued, tracing my chin with his thumb. “But I can’t sleep anywhere else without raising suspicions from the captain or the rest of the crew. I thought about asking you to sleep in Ned’s bed, but I don’t want you outside the captain’s cabin or in the same room as Hawk. I wouldn’t be able to sleep if you weren’t here, under my care.”
“I understand.”
He placed his hands on either side of my face and shook his head. “I don’t think you do, lass.” The desire in his eyes was so bright, I felt it all the way to my toes.
I put my hands over his and slowly removed them from my face, needing to know the truth about what the future would hold for us—if I had a future here. I held his hands in mine, putting some space between us. “Am I fooling myself, Marcus?”
He frowned. “What do you mean?”
“This,” I said. “Do we have a future together? You’ve told me that you will always be a pirate. Is that true?”
He took a deep breath and let my hands go as he walked away from me to the window. “I want to believe that we have a future together. Part of me wants to just focus on finding your family first, and then try to answer all the other questions later. But you deserve to know my intentions.”
I stood where he had left me, trying not to fidget as I waited.
“I want to marry you, Caroline,” he said as he turned to meet my gaze. “To build a home and a family. But the truth is, I don’t know if that is possible. I’ve spent most of my life taking from others and there will be penalties to pay. I don’t want you to suffer for my mistakes. It wouldn’t be fair, and I couldn’t live with myself if I caused you pain.”
“What does all of this mean?”
“I don’t know. And that’s why I haven’t asked you to marry me. I can’t offer myself to you as I am—as the pirate, Marcus Zale. I want to come to you as Maxwell MacDougal, but I need to makemy life right before God and man to do that. Yet if I do, I’m afraid that the consequences of my sins will be severe.”
Pain squeezed my heart at his words. I tried to take in a breath, but it suffocated me, because I realized that my life wasn’t the only one hanging in the balance.
I could lose Marcus as easily as he could lose me.
I walked across the cabin and stood by his side as we looked out the window at the vast North Atlantic Ocean and the countless stars. I slipped my arm around his waist and laid my head on his chest as his arms embraced me.
“I long to make you mine right now,” he said as he kissed the top of my head, “but I can’t offer you the name of Zale. If God is willing, someday I will give you a name that is true and honorable and worthy of you.”
“MacDougal?”
“Aye.”
When I looked up at him, he kissed me again, but this time his kiss wasn’t filled with desire or passion. It was tender and heartfelt.
Apologetic.
When it was time to go to bed, he insisted I take the alcove bed, while he slept on the cot.
26
AUGUST 23, 1927
MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA
When I opened my eyes in my bedroom on Dupont Avenue the next morning, I immediately wanted to return to Marcus and not have to spend a day away from him. But it was also torture to be with him and not know what the future held.
