“What was there to explain, JoJo? The girl was about to put your dick in her mouth. There was no telling what all happened before I got there.”
“There’s no excuse for any of it. I don’t want you to think I’m trying to give you one. I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I looked for you. I needed to tell you how stupid I felt for betraying you. I went to your school every day for a week, looking for you. I don’t even know why I went there since school was out. I just didn’t know what to do. I went to your mom. She told me to give you time. I wanted to respect your space, but at the same time, I didn’t want you spiraling alone and thinking the worst of me. No one had any answers for me.”
“I didn’t want you trying to get in my head and tell me I didn’t see what I saw.”
“You saw what you saw, Harper. I was about to do it. I’m not going to lie about that. As much as it hurt me, I’m grateful that you walked in because I was about to make a huge mistake. I mourned the aftermath as if I had went through with it. All that shit happened because I was spiraling and nervous about you agreeing to run away and get married. I had already got you to do so much for me.”
“Jase was a mutual agreement.”
“But you know it was mostly for my own sick gratification.”
For some reason, that declaration bit at something deep inside. “That’s not true. I wanted it that way just as much as you did. We all did.”
“Either way, I started second-guessing myself about being good to you in the long run. I didn’t want to be like my dad. I didn’t want to get to a point where I didn’t love and appreciate you. The nerves had me drinking and smoking, and the next thing I knew, I was stumbling behind you, trying to stop you from leaving my room. Jase kicked everybody out after you left to try to catch you for me because I was fucked up.”
“You really hurt me, JoJo. Both of you did, actually, but it was worse coming from you. Seeing y’all in a full-blown orgy made me feel like I was just another girl y’all fucked together. I felt lower than low for a long time.”
“That was never my intention, baby. You meant something to us. You meanteverythingto me. You still do.”
I hated the fact that tears were streaming down my face, but I knew I needed to let them fall freely. I had fought them long enough. Jordy was the perfect person to unburden myself on.
“I didn’t even recognize you, Jordy. I felt so betrayed. It was like I had been wearing blinders for years, then all of a sudden,the light shined on you, and I didn’t like what I saw. I didn’t know what to do other than run.”
“I sobered up quick, but it was too late. Bro couldn’t catch you. He swears you ran up out of there like Flo Jo.”
I laughed at that. “I’m sure I did. I didn’t want to give you time to talk to me and convince me that I was crazy for thinking that you were a lying, cheating, manipulative asshole.”
“Manipulative asshole, I’ll take, but I’ve never been a cheater.”
I scoffed. “Tell that to the girl about to suck your dick.”
“Hell, I’m pretty sure I did. I’ve only ever wanted you, Harper,” he said in a voice that was barely over a whisper. It almost hurt to hear how shattered Jordy was behind our breakup. I suffered alone for a long time before Kendrick came along.
“I had a hard time for a long time,” I confessed.
“I can’t count the number of times I wished that I could go back in time and not be home when that party started. I prayed and prayed for the chance to tell you that nothing happened and beg for your forgiveness for what I almost did.”
My eyes fell to my lap. “I didn’t think you came after me.”
Jordy chuckled under his breath as he moved down to my feet. “Take off your shoes,” he said, grabbing the heel of one of my boots before proceeding to unzip it. I sat still and allowed him to remove one of my shoes before moving on to the other.
“What are you doing, JoJo?” I asked, unable to hide my curious smile.
“I never gave up on us, Harper,” he said, peering up at me through the stray locs that had fallen into his eyes. He pulled one of my feet into his lap, and when those strong hands started to knead the bottom of my foot, I let out an embarrassing sound that made him chuckle under his breath. “Your ice cream is melting, Harper.”
“Oh, right. Thank you for dessert, even though it’s bribery,” I said, nodding as I picked up the pint and removed the lid.
“If I have to commit a felony to get alone time with you, then so be it.”
“Whatever.” I giggled.
“Your laughter is one of the things I missed most about you.”
“I see you don’t have a problem with using flattery either.”
“Never have. I also had a hard time for a long time after you left. Eventually, your mom told me that if I really loved you, I would leave you alone like you wanted me to.”
Jordy’s words put a lump in my throat. My mom only mentioned Jordy to me once in the early days. I told her that I was done with him for good. I asked her to never mention him again. She listened for a change, and I liked to think it helped me to move on. Nothing really gave me comfort in the early days.
