I’m not convinced either.
“What time will you be heading back tomorrow?”
“Liv and Talia want to get brunch, so I’ll leave after that. Are you going to be there?”
“I’ll be impatiently waiting for you at home.” He yawns, and I realize how tired I feel.
“I guess it's time to get some sleep.” I don’t want to hang up, but I’m not sure I can stay on the phone with him either. My feelingsare too tangled up, and I don’t want him digging into them right now.
He must detect my off tone because when he responds, his words sound strained. “Yeah, ok. I hope you sleep well, Kat.” He takes a brief pause before adding, “I love you.” It comes out almost like a question.
“I love you, too, Sammy. Goodnight.” My voice is too quiet.
“Goodnight.” He sounds sad, and I hate that I’ve ruined his mood. I hang up before I can say anything more.
There’s no stopping the tears that stream down my cheeks. The last several months have been riddled with so many high emotions, and I almost feel like I haven’t processed anything.
I went from trying to avoid everyone to relying on Liv to get me through, then moving home and throwing myself into my new job, all while avoiding the fact that I’m living in my brother’s condo because he's no longer there.
Then, when Sam moved back to Charleston, I threw myself into him. I know that with Sam, I’m scared he’ll break my already broken heart.
I curl up under the blankets and allow myself to feel all the things I’ve been holding back.
The loss of Ethan is overwhelming, and I let the tears fall.
I let the pain soak into my bones and overtake me.
It isn’t long before Liv quietly walks into my room and climbs under the blankets with me. She lies next to me, gently stroking my hair. She doesn’t say anything, just lets me know she’s here while I let the tears fall until there’s nothing left.
I’m not sure when I fell asleep, but I wake up to the sun shining through the blinds. I roll over to find the bed empty; Liv must have gone to her bed after I finally fell asleep.
I see my phone on the bed next to me; the battery is dead. Getting out of bed, I locate my phone charger and plug the cord in. Climbing back under the covers, I plug my phone in and lie there, staring at the dark screen until it turns on.
When it does, I see it's already 9:00 a.m. I haven’t slept this late in years. I suppose all that crying left me exhausted. I check my messages app to say good morning to Sam, only to find a few messages he sent last night.
Hey, I’m not sure what happened, but I feel like you’re upset.
Did I do something wrong?
I’m here if you want to talk.
Sleep well, my love.
I didn't mean to make him feel bad or to worry about me. I send him a quick message back.
I forgot to plug my phone in, and it died. I just woke up and didn’t see your messages until now.
I’m not upset with you. I think I was just feeling overstimulated from all the shopping and socializing yesterday.
His response is almost instantaneous.
I hope you slept well. I can’t wait to see you.
I can’t wait to see you.
Are you sure you’re ok?
Yeah. I’m sorry for worrying you. I love you.
