I love you too. Have fun at brunch. Text me when you’re heading this way, ok?
Trying to lighten the mood, I message back:
Yes, Mother Hen.
I laugh to myself and wait for his response.
You love it.
Ido love it. And you.
See you in a few hours!
Liv walks in and stops when she sees me watching her. “Hey, I wasn’t sure if you’d be awake, so I was just trying to quietly check on you.”
“I just woke up a few minutes ago.” Liv’s expression is tight, concerned. “Thanks for last night, and sorry for basically freaking out.”
“Don’t ever apologize for that.” Liv’s words are soft, but she’s using her no-bullshit tone. “Kat, you’ve been through hell the last several months, and it’s ok to have ups and downs. No one expects you to be over it.”
“I don’t think I’ll ever be over Ethan not being here.” My voice cracks, and I furiously wipe at the tears streaming down my face. “Sometimes it feels ok, and other times—I’m not sure how I’m supposed to continue living like it doesn’t matter. Like… like he didn’t matter. Likehedoesn’t matter.”
Liv sits down on the bed next to me and holds my hand. “I think that’s the problem, babe. You aren’t supposed to live like he doesn’t matter, but you are supposed tolive. Some days will be hard. Some hours, some minutes will feel like the world is crushing you. It’s ok to take some time for yourself during those times. And I amalwayshere to talk or just listen.”
“I know, Liv. Thank you.”
“No, I mean it. Even if you just want to call me while you cry. I’ll sit on the phone with you, so you don’t feel alone. I’ll stay on the phone with you until you fall asleep, or while you go grocery shopping, or while you eat. And I’ll drive to Charleston on the weekends, or you can come here if you feel like the condo is too suffocating. I’m here. Always.”
“How did I get so lucky having you as a friend?” I smile at her through my tears.
“I’m not even sure. But you must have done something to make the reincarnation gods happy in your last life.” She winks at me, and I laugh. “You ok, babe? Do you want to stay in, and we can make breakfast?”
I lean my head on her shoulder. “I’m ok. I think last night was just a poor combination of too much peopling and feeling overwhelmed about Ethan and Sam. I’d love to go to brunch if you and Talia are still up for it?”
“Definitely still up for it. But seriously, no pressure if you’d rather stay in.”
“No, let’s go.” I start to get out of bed. “But I want a shower before we do anything else.”
“Ok. Freshen up, and we’ll leave when you’re ready.” Liv hugs me and kisses me on the cheek. “Everything’s going to work out with Sam. Just remember to trust your heart, and don’t let your head get in the way too much.” I smile slightly at her words and watch her walk out.
***
Ihurry to get ready for the day and pack up my car before we go to brunch at one of our favorite places. I’m feeling better as we say our goodbyes, and I head back to Charleston. I spend the two-hour drive listening to music and singing along to my favorite songs.
I make it back to Charleston around 2:30 p.m., and Sam is waiting for me. I spot the pink tulips and white calla lilies, my favorites, on the counter. Dropping my bags by the front door, I immediately walk into his arms, letting his warmth seep into me.
We stand there in each other's embrace for several minutes when Sam whispers in my ear, “Do you want to talk about what’sbothering you?” His words are soft. He’s not accusing, just concerned.
I lean back and look into his face. Sam’s chocolate brown eyes are sad, distant, and he has small dark circles; I wonder if he didn’t sleep well.
I take a deep breath before responding, “I guess I just have bad days still with Ethan. I miss him, and being back in Columbia made me realize how much has changed over the last several months. It was overwhelming last night.”
He pulls me tight against him again and kisses my temple. “I’ve been worried.” He kisses my temple again. “I’ve felt some distance from you. I know you’re used to having Liv be the only person you go to. I don’t want to push you to talk about things if you aren’t ready. I just want you to know I am here, too. Whenever you want to talk. I’m here.”
I bury my face into his chest and tighten my grip around his waist. My body wracks with the sobs I can’t seem to contain. He runs his hand through my hair as his other hand tightens on my back.
I breathe in his cologne and let his pine and salty sea air scent calm me. “I know, Sam. I’m sorry I’ve been distant.” I step away from him. Sam reaches up and gently swipes away the tears remaining on my cheeks.
He picks up the flowers on the counter and hands them to me. They are already in a simple, clear cylindrical vase. “They’re beautiful,” I lean into them and breathe in their scent, “and smell so good!” I take the few steps over to the coffee table and set the flowers in the center.
