But I couldn’t. Not with them watching.
I can’t do what I need to inside the Buckingham mansion, not knowing if it’s been compromised. And I can’t let any of them know what is happening, not until I have safeguards in place.
For that, I need Neo.
I pace the tiny apartment until I hear his key in the door. The space feels smaller than it once did. It holds none of the comfort I’ve grown used to at Cade’s and Wylder’s houses.
Doesn’t matter. It could be the Taj Mahal, and I’d still hate it because the one thing I need is missing.
Cade.
Fuck, how I wish things were different. He’d know what to do, of that I’m certain.
There’s only one way to get hold of him that I know the Umbra Syndicate won’t be monitoring. But I can’t risk going there until everything is in place.
By then, it’ll likely be too late for me. Not for Cade and everyone else, though. That’s what’s most important.
I haven’t known much happiness in this life, but the love I’ve shared with Cade—even for such a short time—makes up for everything I’ve lacked.
If this ends in my death, at least I’ll know I’ve loved with all that I am.
And that I was loved in return.
It’s enough. It has to be.
A key turns in the lock. Finally, Neo is home.
He freezes on the threshold of the living room. “Ansel? What’s wrong?”
I try and answer him, but all that escapes is a strangled sob. Neo drops the bag he’s holding to race across the room. He catches me just as my knees give way, lowering me to the floor. “Ansel, what is it? Talk to me.”
I can’t. The words won’t come. Instead, I sob against his shoulder, my hands clinging to his shirt. It’s all wrong. The chest isn’t wide enough. The scent is different. This isn’t the person I want to be holding me. It isn’t the person I need.
But Neo’s all I have now. He’s all I’ve ever had, really. I was a fool to think the world would let me keep someone as perfect as Cade.
Neo’s arms hold me tight, rocking like you would a small child. He’s shushing me, his hand stroking along my back.
When my sobs have subsided to small whimpers, he finally speaks. “Is it Cade?”
I nod against his shoulder.
Neo tenses. “What did the fucker do? Oh, I knew this would end badly. I’ll kill him. I swear to fucking god, Ansel, I’m going to chop his balls off and feed them to him.”
An almost hysterical laugh slips from me. “You hate violence, remember?”
“I’d do it for you,” he vows. “I might throw up after, but I’d do it.”
I pull back wearily, falling onto my ass. “He didn’t do anything.”
Neo wrinkles his nose. “I’d believe that if you weren’t a fucking wreck.”
“It’s true,” I say miserably. “This is all my fault.”
“Bullshit.”
I give him a watery smile. “You have to say that.”
“Course I do, you’re my ride or die. You could’ve hit him with your car, and I’d ask what he did to deserve it.”
