I held my brother’s gaze and nodded.
Haven rolled his eyes.“Are you for real?”
“What do you mean?”I hedged.
“We all know you’re in love with Kendall.Even Tommy knows.Good grief.Just face your feelings.”He rolled his eyes.
“I face my feelings.”My tone was defensive.I finished hanging up the last of the gear before turning and crossing my arms over my chest as I rested my hips against a wide table by the wall.
“Maybe for some things, but you haven’t been facing your feelings for Kendall, your best friend since high school.”
“Middle school,” I corrected.
Haven shook his head.“Right.”
I unfolded my arms, lifting a hand to pinch the bridge of my nose before letting it fall.“I know.She’s my best friend.I don’t want to fuck it up.”
“I’m sure you could fuck it up,” Haven began, his tone dry as desert sand.“But it’s also obvious Kendall’s in love with you.Whatisgoing on?”
I took a shaky breath, because this morning when I was with Kendall, it had all seemed easy.We would just be open about what was happening, and it would be fine.But making it real, making it public, made it feel concrete in a way I hadn’t imagined.That sent terror spinning through me like a chaotic storm.
Haven finally seemed to catch up to my panic.“Hey, hey, it’s gonna be okay.”
I eyed him, my breath coming out in a gust.“Is it though?It’s too late to take it back.”I circled my hand in the air.
“Oh,oh,” Haven said slowly.“You acted on it?”
“Yes.”I nodded, my brain feeling staticky, and my heart skipping along in an unsteady beat.
“This was always going to happen,” Haven pointed out.
“Was it though?I mean, what if I fuck up the best friendship I have?”
“You’re not going to fuck it up.For that exact reason,” Haven said with more confidence than I felt.
“I’ve never had a serious relationship.”I threw my hands up before dropping them to the edge of the table behind me and curling them around it, as if to anchor myself.
“I never had a serious relationship before Elsa,” Haven pointed out.
“Yeah, but…” My words trailed off.
He pressed his lips together, narrowing his eyes.“Dude, I’m the cranky asshole around here.The odds of me fucking up a relationship are much greater than they are for you.”
I twisted my lips to the side, taking another deep breath, as if enough air could somehow blow away all the uncertainty spinning inside.
“Look, I’m no expert, okay?Elsa and I are one hundred percent together, and she’s the best thing that ever happened to me.”
“I hope so.You’re married,” I interjected.
Haven chuckled.“Precisely.We’re married.We’re committed.It would take some effort, logistically, for us to screw this up.But still, I understand.I really do.I understand the panic.I understand not feeling like you might be able to pull this off.We’ve lost a lot as a family, so we know what’s at stake.Love is a challenge because the easy parts are, well, the easy parts.”
“That’s deep, man,” I commented dryly.
Haven didn’t take the bait and turn it into a joke.“It is.The challenge is being there for each other when it isn’t easy.You and Kendall have already nailed that.I know you’re both there for each other when life gets hard.”Haven paused, and I could feel him gathering his thoughts.“I know it wasn’t easy.”
“You mean me finding Dad?”I asked flatly.
While we all did go through loss together, we didn’t pretend it didn’t happen, but we often skirted around naming it bluntly.Haven’s eyes pinched, and I saw the pain and grief pass through his gaze.I experienced a sting of regret for being so direct.“I’m sorry,” I began.My voice was gruff.
