“I know,” I said softly.“Aside from Haven, you and him are closest.”
Jude cleared his throat.“We are.”
“Any updates from Blake?”he asked after a few beats of silence.
“He texted to let me know he was home and that he talked to his sponsor.”I let out a sigh.“Sometimes I think maybe I should just ignore him the next time he reaches out for help like that, but I know I won’t.”
When Jude slid his gaze to mine again, the understanding there made my heart flip.“Of course you won’t.”
“But I feel like I’m enabling him.”
“Picking him up when he made a bad choice and didn’t actually drink, I don’t think that’s enabling.I think that’s supporting him.”Jude paused, and I could sense he was considering his words.“One of the things I love about you is you’re a good friend.I know that you’ve always carried the burden in your family.You’re pretty much the parent for all of them.I have my feelings about that, but it is who you are.You don’t have to try to change who you are.You’re going to help your brother if he needs help.That’s the person you are.If anything, I get more frustrated with your parents because they flake out and expect everything to work out, and you make it so for them.I’m not saying you shouldn’t help them, because I know that if they needed something, you can’t ignore it.Rather than beating yourself up for who you are, accept it and be honest with your parents and with Blake.Maybe try to set some boundaries so they step up and don’t take advantage of you.”
“That’s the hard part for me,” I said softly.
A quiet fell between us for the rest of the drive.I watched the beautiful landscape roll by out the window.We were in the deepest, coldest part of winter now.January through February was when we tended to get the most snow.The days were still short, but they were getting longer.By the time March came, it would feel like a ball rolling downhill fast as the days got longer and longer.The sun was just coming up, staining the sky with purple and pink, its rays breaking through the thin clouds hovering above the mountains.
The sound of an eagle calling was sharp in the quiet winter morning.Jude slowed, murmuring, “Easy there.”
I glanced ahead to see three moose ambling across the road.It looked like a mom and a pair of yearlings.“Do you remember that summer that yearling wouldn’t leave your place?”I asked.
Jude snorted.“Oh yeah.The mama moose chased him in circles while he cried in the yard.It was dramatic and sad.”
After our laughter petered out, I pondered that this morning between us encapsulated so much of our friendship.We could both talk about the things that hurt the most and just move on to lighter topics.A tiny sense of panic spun in my chest because this was what I never wanted to lose.I feared now that we had taken things so much further that it would hurt all the more if something ruptured in our connection.
It’s Jude.It’s you.You love each other.It will be okay.
When he dropped me off, Travis gave him a sloppy kiss on the cheek.Jude dragged his sleeve across his face before he leaned over and gave me a lingering kiss.“I’ll see you later, okay?Stay warm.”
“Should I walk over for dinner?”
“Of course not.I’ll come pick you up.”
“I don’t mind walking.”
He rolled his eyes.“I know you don’t, but I also don’t mind picking you up, and it’s freezing out.Now go.”
I scrambled out of the truck, watching as he drove away.Travis had already raced off into the snow.It was dry snow for now, and it fluffed up in the air around him.
Once the sound of Jude’s tires on gravel disappeared, it was just me, the sunrise, and my dog.I didn’t need to call Travis.He knew where to find me.I turned and walked into the barn, smiling as soon as I did.The horses nickered softly, and the goats let out their little bleating sounds, and I felt welcomed.
ChapterThirty-One
Jude
“How’s Kendall?”my brother asked.
I met Haven’s gaze, lifting one shoulder in a shrug and schooling my expression to something sort of neutral.When the mere mention of Kendall’s name sent a surge of sizzling awareness through me, this was more difficult than it should’ve been.
“Fine.She’s stopping over for dinner.”
Haven nodded slowly.His eyes held a knowing glint, and when his lips quirked up slightly at the corners in a sly grin, I knew he was on to me.But then, I suppose that was a foregone conclusion.
“For what it’s worth, the apartment above the barn is going to be available soon.”
“Huh?”I said flatly.
“Well, we’re finishing up the work on the house for me and Elsa,” Haven added.
