His brows pull in, the despair behind his eyes morphing into anger and frustration. “What the fuck does that even mean?” he spits. “Listen to yourself, Finley. I’ve spent months proving how I feel about you—how I’m not like any of them. I’ve done everything I can to show you that I’m ready to be the partner you need, and that you’re safe here. I’d cut my own heart from my chest before I’d hurt either of you. How can you not see that?”
I twist my hands together to stop from reaching out for him, my lower lip trembling as I hold myself together. I need to be strong in this moment, even though it feels like I could die right where I stand.
“I see itnow,” I answer. “But what happens years down the road when something goes sideways, and we can’t make it work? She’ll be caught in the crossfire, telling herself that it’sherfault. I know becauseI was that little girl, and I’ve spent my entire life trying to undo the damage it caused.”
“So, what?” he says. “You’re just going to take my daughter from me because you’re too fucking scared to let someone love you? Don’t I get a say in this at all?”
My heart shatters, a million broken shards exploding inside my rib cage until there’s nothing left. I wish more than anything that I were different,untouched by the pain of so much loss and rejection. But my mother’s choices made me this way, which is exactly why I know I have to step back and really think about the kind of future I want for my child.
“Please, Theo,” I whimper softly. “Don’t make this harder than it already is. You have to let me go.”
His shoulders sag, all the fight leaving his body as his eyes swim with tears. He looks broken, a single drop of wetness sliding down his cheek, and I hate myself for being the reason for it.
“Fine.” His voice is weak and full of defeat as he lifts his gaze, locking onto mine. I grapple with the urge to look away, even though every instinct is telling me to as he chokes out his final words. “When you wake up one morning and realize what a big fucking mistake you made, just know I’ll still be right here. I’ll be waiting for you to come back home, where you belong.” He swallows, sniffling softly. “I meant it when I said I’m not going anywhere. Because I love you, Fin.”
A sob bursts from my chest, every part of me twisting in agony as I take one last look at him before wrapping my fingers around the handle of my suitcase. He wordlessly helps me outside where the car awaits, loads my luggage, and presses one last kiss to my forehead, a warm tear splashing against my skin before I lower into the back seat.
As the driver pulls away, a hollow emptiness forms in the pit of my stomach. I can’t stop myself from turning to look out the back window, but Theo is already gone, the door to what was once my happy place closed tightly behind him.
I have no idea if leaving is the right choice, or if I just fucked up by walking away from the best thing that ever happened to me. Only time will tell, but for now, I need to find a way to heal from my past so I can be the mother Norah deserves.
THIRTY-FOUR
FINLEY
“Hey, babe.”Sydney’s muffled voice bleeds through the bedroom door. “Can I come in?”
“Yeah,” I croak, sitting up against the headboard as she steps inside, a large glass of water clutched in one hand. She’s been serving them to me, usually with food, almost every hour since I arrived two nights ago. And while I know I need to, it’s been hard to choke it all down. All I want to do is sleep, so I don’t have to feel the turmoil that’s going on in my life.
“I brought you another drink,” she says softly, padding across the lush white carpet of the guest room I’ve been holed up in for the past forty-eight hours. I drag my tongue along my front teeth—which are in desperate need of brushing, once I muster up the energy—doing my best not to roll my eyes as I take it from her.
“You know, I can get my own food and water. You don’t have to deliver it.” I take it from her, the cold glass like a shock to my heated skin. I’ve been wrappedup in these blankets for so long that even the completely normal temperature of the room makes me shiver as she lifts a brow.
“Look,” she says with a forced exhale, “I get that you’re a big girl, and if I wasn’t being reminded every ten seconds to check on you, I’d let you take care of yourself. But here we are.”
Theo.
I swallow, begging the sting behind my eyes and nose to go away. You’d think that after crying as much as I have, I wouldn’t have any tears left, but somehow, they keep coming.
Bringing the glass to my lips, I tip it back, drinking almost its entire contents in one go. His face is right there in the back of my head, because I know that if he were here, I’d have a front row seat to those dimples sinking into his cheeks.
Fuck. I miss him.I should’ve known he was behind this, since the doctor told us that dehydration can lead to early labor. It’s just like him to still be taking care of me, even from miles away.
“Thank you,” I whisper, setting the empty cup on the nightstand. She nods, opening her mouth like she wants to say something, but stops before any words come out.
“What?” I ask reluctantly.
Taking a deep, slow breath, she sits down at the foot of the bed. I can tell that I’m about to be hit with a major truth bomb, but at this point, I’m willing to listen if it stops the raging emotions that are at war inside my head.
“I understand you’re scared,” she offers gently. “I can’t imagine what it’s like to see Eric so happy in the same situation with someone else as he was with you. And from what you’ve told me of your past, I get why you want to keep your walls up with Theo. But are you really sure that depriving yourself of the kind of love he has for you is going to be worth it in the end?”
My eyes well up, and I shrug weakly. “I don’t know. I don’t doubt his feelings for me, and I know he cares about this baby like she’s his own. I’m just so fucked up from my upbringing that I can’t tell what’s real and what’s not. On one hand, I believe him when he says that he’d never hurt us. But couples break up every day. People change…they grow. What they thought they wanted once can easily be replaced, and if that happens, I’ll be left with an innocent little girl who blames herself for the brokenness around her.”
“That’s completely valid,” she replies. “Life can be scary, especially the parts we have no control over. I know you want the best for Norah, and I admire the hell out of you for that, but is it possible that you’re shielding her from a monster that isn’t real? Because this man”—she waves her phone between us—“isn’t the type to disappear when things get tough.
“I don’t want to make you feel worse than you already do, but I think it’s important that you know what Theo is going through.” Her expression softens. “He’s barely hanging on, Finley. The guys have been trying to get him out of the house, but he’s refusing to talk to anyone unless it’s football-related. Yet, here he is, texting me every hour to make sure you’re okay. Thelove he has for you and your daughter can’t be replaced. So please just keep that in the back of your mind when you make any big decisions. Promise?”
My heart twists in my chest, and I nod in understanding because I’m entirely too choked up to speak. I know the wounds are still so fresh, but I’m starting to think that the pain from being apart may never go away for either of us. It may seem silly that I’m not already out the door on my way back to him, but I really want to think long and hard about the future when I’m not so raw.
