“I mean, I am who I am, right?”
“Yes, but something made you come to this conclusion.”
Oof. I just shot myself in the foot because now I need to tell him that Voss suggested it, and I think he’s right.
“I’m aloof about gender,” I volunteer. “It didn’t occur to me to be bothered about Voss being a guy and… Oakley’s a guy and that didn’t even, like, I don’t know. I feel like even if I were bisexual, don’t they take gender into consideration? Maybe that’s the wrong word. I’m not making sense.”
“I think I know what you’re saying. You didn’t notice Oakley or Voss’ gender in the way people do. You’re aware that they’re guys, but when getting involved, it’s not something that you consciously think about. Am I close?”
“Yes. But I wasn’t involved with Oakley. That’s not an important distinction, but my brain needs to hear it.”
Levis smiles. “Got it.”
“I don’t know,” I say, shrugging. “It feels like there’s a lot going on in my head, and I don’t know how to handle any of it.”
“That’s what’s been bothering you.”
“Yeah. Now you. Tell me about this girl.”
Levis shakes his head. “I guess… maybe I should clear up a misunderstanding.” I look at him. Levis meets my eye. “It’s not a girl I’m messing around with.”
“A guy?” I ask, surprised.
He nods. “Yeah. Makes it extra weird, right?”
Does it? Honestly, I can’t imagine him with a guy. I’ve always seen Levis with a petite,propergirl. Like homecoming queen or some shit. Someone sweet and perfect. That’s the girl he’s always brought home, so to speak.
What kind of guy would Levis be interested in?
“Not if you like him,” I answer.
“I like what we’re doing,” he says.
“Did you freak out?”
“No.”
“Not even when you touched his dick?”
One corner of his mouth quirks up in a lopsided smile. “Not even when I touched his dick. Not when he touched mine. I haven’t freaked out.”
“Do you want to? I won’t judge.”
He laughs. “No.”
“Are you excited about this new side of yourself?”
Levis tilts his head. “Uh… sure?”
“Howdoyou feel?” I prompt.
“Well…” He turns away from me again, and once more, he’s staring at nothing in the distance as his finger resumes its absent path over the sharp side of his sword. “I don’t know how I feel, but I’m pretty confident I don’t feel any particular way about him having a dick and me liking it. If I feel some way, it’s not related to that.”
“Do you feel some way?”
“I must because I volunteered to talk about it.”
“You don’t like to keep secrets,” I remind him. “You’ve always said that.”
