“He was almost killed in an attack off base nine months ago. He’s been in a coma every day since, unresponsive. They’re pulling life support on Monday. They’ve done everything they can for him, and we can’t fight the hospital’s attorneys anymore. It’s over.”
“What?” Half of my brain has processed the tragedy, and the other half refuses to accept it as truth. “That can’t be. There’s no way. Where is he?”
“I won’t tell you. You don’t deserve it. I saw the photos.”
“It wasn’t what you think, Celia. I need to see him. His daughter needs to meet him. Please.”
“What are you talking about, Malena? I’m at work, and I don’t have time for bullshit today.”
“It’s not bullshit. It’s a very long story, but I do have Leif’s baby. She’s four months old now and looks just like him. He didn’t want kids, Celia. You know that. I broke up with him so he didn’t have to take on that burden. I did it because I love him. I wanted him to live the life of his choosing, and now I find outthat not only has he not been living, he’s almost dead. Please, if what you say is true, it won’t hurt for me to visit him, to bring Luna to meet her father before he dies. She deserves that. Please, I’m begging you. I’ll do whatever you say.”
“You’re serious,” Celia says. “I can’t believe this. The guy in the photos?”
“Was my ex-husband. An ex because I couldn’t give him a baby. There was never anything between us after the divorce. I went there to tell him I was pregnant and to…to prove that it was never my fault, or maybe to get closure, or something of the sort. I know what the photos made it look like, and I’m sorry, but I had to use those to make a break from Leif. I saw it as my only way out. The only way he’d let me go without a fight.”
“It never occurred to you to tell him the truth? That he would be happy about having a child with the woman he loves?”
My stomach roils. “No,” I say, shaking my head as I wipe tears from my eyes. “He always told me how adamantly against children he was. You have to believe me.”
“Eva is going to lose her fucking mind when I tell her this.”
I sigh. “Don’t tell her. Let me see him first. Where is he?”
She blows out a breath. “He’s in Bethesda, Maryland. I’ll meet you there, otherwise, they won’t let you in. How fast can you get there?” I’m already on the computer booking airline tickets when she asks the last question. “You’re really going for shock factor, aren’t you? I don’t know how you were going to keep this secret.”
“I have already booked tickets. We’ll meet you there at five p.m. Please, just let me visit him before you alert every living relative of Luna. I’ve kept the secret this long because it means something to me. I want to protect her. I know I was wrong by keeping her from him and you guys, but I need this to be on my terms. Leif told my mother he wanted a family with me. It’s whatspurred this, and why I need to make amends. I can’t take back the past, but I can make things right going forward.”
“I’ll meet you there,” Celia says, voice harsh. “Malena?”
“Yeah?”
“Be prepared for the worst. He’s not the same person. He looks like he’s already gone.”
I let out a silent sob, covering my mouth. “I’m so sorry. I’ll see you soon.”
SEVENTEEN
Malena
I slideLuna’s sleeping body into Celia’s waiting arms. “Your niece,” I say, looking at Celia in her glassy eyes as she runs her hand over Luna’s Leif-colored hair. “She has his eyes. The exact same shade.” Leif’s sister has aged since I last saw her. A lot. So much that it pains me to see the severity of the agony she’s endured without my knowledge. Pain I should have been sharing in.
Celia slides her finger gently over her cheek. I see her falling in love.
“She looks just like him,” she remarks, unwrapping the blanket to look at her tiny fingers and toes. She rewraps her quickly, as the hospital waiting room is freezing. Celia shakes her head. “I didn’t believe you. It’s a lot to take in, but there’s no denying this is Leif’s child. He would be so in love with her.” A pang of regret hits me square in the chest. “I’ve arranged for the nurse to take you up to Leif’s room. Go by yourself first. I’ll stay here with her. Okay?” She meets my gaze, like she’s wondering if I’ll take the baby from her.
I nod. “That’s fine. Here’s her diaper bag just in case. She likes it if you hum when she’s fussy,” I say, gazing at my sleeping daughter adoringly. “You’re her aunt, I’m sure you’ll have the touch,” I add.
Celia beams down at the baby. “This means so much. Having a piece of him. Thank you, Malena,” she says earnestly. “Luna lessens the blow of losing him.”
She talks as if he’s already gone, and it’s painful. I haven’t had enough time to digest the severity. I glance over my shoulder once more before entering the elevator with the nurse, and Celia has begun swaying back and forth with Luna. Luna loves that.She’ll be fine, I think to myself as the elevator begins its climb to Leif’s floor.
The nurse preps me when we’re outside Leif’s room. When I enter, I’m hit with a gust of warmer air and the typical antiseptic scent that belongs to hospitals. The man in the bed, hooked up to machines, isn’t my Leif. Celia was right. He is pale and has wasted away to almost nothing.
His lashes flutter as I sit down on the edge of the bed and take his skeletal hand in mine. The machine that breathes for him is loud and overbearing. Running my thumb across his knuckles, I say, “Sorry I haven’t been by yet.” The pit in my stomach forces the tears to fall. “I didn’t know about the attack. I didn’t know a lot of things, Leif.”
I squeeze his hand and run my other hand across his pallid forehead. “They say they’re taking you off life support because you can’t live without it. I can’t believe that, though.” His hand twitches a bit, but the nurse said that may happen and not to think anything of it. His muscles spasm on their own. I wipe some of my salty grief from my face. “Leif, I came here to say hello and goodbye. I came here to tell you the truth. Even if you don’t hear me, you deserve for me to say it out loud before you go.”
Another squeeze of my hand, and my heart skips. I can see why his family has fought for his life for this long.
