“I lied to you when I told you I was in love with another man because it was an easy way to let you go. My love for you is so strong that it can’t even be compared to what I felt for Dylan. I visited him to tell him…to tell him…that I was pregnant with your baby. To shove it in his face. I’m sorry you saw the photos and thought something different was going on. I’m sorry I let you believe something else was going on between us. I haven’t seen Dylan since that day. I don’t even know if you got the email I sent. I assumed you did because you never contacted me. Now I see why,” I say, sobbing. “I’ve only ever been in love with you, Leif.”
Leif’s monitor beeps, and it startles me into a jump. “We have a daughter, and she looks just like you,” I tell him, stroking his face with my own tear-stained fingers. “She has blond hair and blue eyes like you. She has my lips and ears. I think she has your appetite.” I laugh, a small moment of happiness thinking about Luna’s belches after she feeds. “I wish I got to see you hold her. I wish you could see her. What our love created. It’s the coolest thing in the entire world. She’s a real, live miracle. I think maybe this is why I was granted this miracle,” I whisper, looking at the equipment keeping him alive. “She might be a parting gift from the world.”
I swallow hard, leaning down to press my lips against Leif’s forehead. My touch is as light as a feather. His eyelashes flutter. I kiss each closed eye. “I’m going to make sure she grows up and knows how awesome her daddy is, Leif. Don’t worry. I got this. I’m going to do right by her…by you. I’ll make you proud.”
There’s light music playing—the radio, I realize—and it happens to be the song that was on the jukebox at Bobby’s Bar when Leif introduced himself to me. I smile, remembering asweet memory. The door creaks open, and Celia moves into the room with a crying Luna.
“Sorry to interrupt, but I think she’s hungry,” Celia says, eyes apologetic.
I hold out my hands for Luna, and she drops the crying baby into my arms. She soothes right away when she smells me. “Meet your daddy, Luna Love,” I coo, bouncing her up and down in my arm, one hand still on Leif.
“I feel like he knows I’m here, Celia,” I say.
She shakes her head. “We all feel the same way. You can’t argue with tests, though. It’s maddening.”
“I wasn’t supposed to be able to have a baby,” I whisper. “We need one more miracle in our corner,” I say as Celia sits in the chair next to me. “One more,” I plead. I set Luna in the crook of his arm, and the sight makes me weep for all of the memories she’ll never have with him. Memories I never had with my own father, and ones I did have are marred by his abandonment. It’s not fair. Life is never fair, I remind myself.
Leaning over, I kiss Leif again, lingering longer this time, and grab Luna when I stand up. “Let’s go,” I tell Celia. I hand the baby back now that she’s settled and turn to the lumbering man in bed. Celia closes the door again to give me privacy. Leaning over, I whisper into his ear. “Love me, Leif. Love me.”
A tear falls on his face, and it almost looks like it belongs to him, and that upsets me even further. “I love you. Forever and always.”
I take his hand again, hoping maybe he’ll squeeze it, or a muscle spasm will give me a false, warm feeling. “Come back to me. Luna needs a daddy. Please, come back.”
He doesn’t, though. We leave the hospital with the knowledge that he didn’t hear anything I said. That in a few days what little existence he has left will be extinguished.
Celia is playing with Luna on the hotel bed, a serious game of peekaboo. I’m wistful as I watch them together, and I realize this is something to be thankful for. Family coming together in the face of tragedy. The only family I have left.
“Have they tried to take him off life support?” I ask Celia, cradling the hand that Leif held.
She nods. “A few times. It’s always been disastrous. These past nine months have been the worst of our lives. I think when Monday rolls around we will be relieved that he will finally be at peace. He’d hate that we haven’t let him go yet, but we’re stubborn like that.”
“Can I be there? When he passes?” I ask, fighting back tears.
Celia looks wistfully from me back to the baby. “It would only be fair. You were there when he first started living.”
Closing my eyes, I turn away. “I can’t believe this happened.”
“He killed him,” Celia says, like it’s a consolation. “The guy he’s been after all these years. The one he said he’d die trying to kill.” Celia laughs. “Never thought that would be funny, but it is now that it’s coming true.”
It’s not funny, but I guess if that’s how she’s processing, who am I to deny her the joke? “I feel like I should have known. Should have felt that something was wrong when he never got in contact with me.”
“Eva took over his personal inbox, but everything SEAL-related stayed secure,” Celia states.
I nod. “You guys have hated me all this time.”
She shrugs. “Nothing was what it seems, so it doesn’t matter. Eva is on her way here. We have a room next door, and Mom andDad are in the room next to ours. We might as well pull the plug tomorrow morning instead of Monday while we’re all here.”
Her no-nonsense talk about the act is jarring and comforting at the same time. They’ve come to terms with this already, whereas I’m just starting to understand what will happen. If anyone has fought for Leif, I know his sisters will have put up the best fight in his honor. “If that’s what you want,” I agree. “It’s so much all at once for me.”
She picks up Luna and kisses her belly. “Why the name Luna?” she asks, sliding her gaze to mine.
“Stars,” I say, twisting my ring. “The sky.”
She nods, like she understands. “He told us about the ring. I wanted to make sure. I love her name. It’s perfect.” How much did he tell them?
“Thanks,” I say.
Eva barges in as we have the door propped open for her impending arrival.
