I shrugged. “I spent my last year of high school trying my best to stay out of their way. I stayed with friends a lot, kept my focus on my schoolwork, and when they required me to attend a party or event, I went. I’d smile, be polite, then get sent away when I was no longer needed. Robert accepted a scholarship to a college in Florida, where he’s now the starting quarterback. I got a full academic scholarship to Colorado State, but without any help from my parents, I’ve also taken out a couple small loans, and that’s why I work so much.”
He lifted his hand and rubbed the back of his neck.
I swallowed the lump in my throat. “I know I should have told you before we got so serious, and I understand if you want to call things off.”
Ladd’s head snapped up, and he looked at me with a shocked expression. “Are you serious? Do you honestly think any of that would change how I feel about you?”
I could feel the tears burn at the back of my eyes. “I didn’t knowhowyou’d react, Ladd. I mean, I got pregnant at seventeen and gave the baby away.”
He stood and made his way over to me. Taking me gently by the upper arms, he stared down at me. “I love you, Viv. All of you—and that includes your past. I’m all in. Nothing you could ever do would make menotlove you. You were young, and I’m sure you were scared shitless. I’d love to have a few words with your parents for treating you the way that they did, but sweetheart, I don’t think less of you because of your past. You did what you thought was the right thing to do, and I, for one, think it was a brave decision. I’m just sorry you were alone through all of it. I also hope I don’t ever meet this ex of yours.”
I laughed softly. “I’m glad he fell for someone else because if he hadn’t, I’d most likely have gone to Florida for school, and we would’ve never met.”
“That’s true.” His smile faded slightly. “Did you get to hold the baby?”
I shook my head. “No, they took her away almost immediately. The adoption center provided me with a few tidbits about the parents. They’d been trying for several years to have a baby. I’m sure she’s been loved like I would have loved her. That she has a life I wouldn’t have been able togive her. At least, not at that time anyway, and not yet, either. The dad was a doctor and the mother a schoolteacher.”
“Is that why you want to be a teacher?” Ladd asked as he guided me to sit down on the sofa.
“I think that’s part of the reason. I love kids, so that’s a big factor. And I had so many teachers through the years who helped me in ways I don’t think they even realized. My life wouldn’t be what it is if it hadn’t been for a few of them. My sixth-grade teacher quickly realized my parents didn’t care about what was happening in my world, and when I got cast in a school play, she came to see it because she knew my parents wouldn’t show up. She even brought me flowers.”
Ladd smiled. “That was sweet of her.”
“Yeah,” I said, as I fondly remembered all the other teachers who’d been there for me when my parents hadn’t. “My history teacher during my senior year of high school had flowers sent to the school on my eighteenth birthday. The card simply said, ‘Happy Birthday and good luck at Colorado State.’ I instantly knew they were from her because she was the only person I’d told that’s where I was going.”
“I had a few teachers in school who seemed more like a big brother or sister than they did my teachers.”
Turning to look at him, I replied, “I think that’s why I want to teach. If I can make a difference, no matter how small in a child’s life, that’s what I want to do.”
He squeezed my hand. “Then you’ll do it. I know you will.”
I chewed nervously on my lip before I asked, “You don’t think less of me? Because Lord knows I do at times.”
“Viv, God, no, I don’t think less of you. Like I said, I think what you did had to be one of the bravest things amother could do. To give up your child because you knew they would have a better life. No, I don’t think less of you at all. I don’t know if I could have had the strength to do what you did. Also, I’m not here to judge anyone.”
The last bit of tightness in my chest slowly faded away. I would never be able to fully release all of the guilt I carried, but I hoped that someday it wouldn’t have such a hold on me.
“Did my mother tell you she was adopted?” Ladd asked, almost unsure at first if he should have mentioned it.
I gave him a nod. “She did. And it helped tremendously being able to hear things from her perspective.”
Before he could say anything, Nellie walked back into the room. “How is everything in here?”
We both faced her. “We cleaned up while I told Ladd about the baby.”
Nellie’s face instantly softened, and she smiled. “I’m glad you told him, sweetheart.”
“I’m glad too,” Ladd said, lifting my hand and kissing it.
“Vivianne, I was thinking about something earlier, while we were wrapping gifts.”
“Do you need help with something?” I asked, jumping up from the couch.
With a wave of her hand, she replied, “No, nothing like that. It won’t bother you being with the kids from the orphanage, will it?”
“Not at all! If anything, I think it might help.”
“Nothing’s more healing than kindness. Isn’t that what you always say, Mom?”
