TJ reaches for my hands and holds them in his under the water, running his thumbs over my knuckles, and the temperature of the hot tub skyrockets.
“I’d like more with you, if you’d give me the chance,” he says.
I close my eyes and squeeze his hands, trying to collect my thoughts. When I blink, he’s looking at me with the open expressionI’ve come to appreciate so much. He’s all but handing me his heart on a platter.
“I … I’m scared, TJ.”
He inclines his head, moving it toward me so our foreheads are resting against each other. “I get it. I’ve closed myself off to this, or the idea of this, for years, Lu. But I don’t want to let the fear of whatever may come prevent me from experiencing this with you. We can conquer this fear, like your fear of car washes and my fear of zebras … together.”
I smile at the memory of us hanging from the scaffolding, but before I let myself go down this path, I need to make sure he’s sure. I lean back so I can get a good look at him and not be distracted by his nearness and his lips, which I very much would like to capture with my own right now.
“I’m afraid you’re going to resent me because I’m not as social as you are.” He opens his mouth to argue, but I shake my head and press on. “I was outgoing and fun the first night we met, but that’s not really me. I’m introverted and boring. I’m … still in hiding because most of the world hates me.”
“First of all, I don’t care about most of the world.” The determined look he gives me arrives straight to my heart, like a steroid shot of tenderness. “Second of all, I won’t resent you for being you. You say being bold and fun isn’t really who you are, but I’m pretty sure the same person sitting here with me was the one behind the mask at the gala. That’s the same you. I would know—I’ve been trying to drink in every detail since the moment I laid eyes on you.”
This man and his sweet compliments. He’s going to end me.
I stare at him, and I can tell he truly believes that. I have my doubts, but as if reading my mind, he cocks his head to the side and adds, “You don’t get to tell me how I’m going to feel about you. I will be the one tellingyouhow Idofeel, starting by saying that you’re exquisite.”
“TJ,” I breathe. “Stop it. You’re being too … too nice. It’s too much.”
“Not possible. Let me be nice. Let me tell you that I think you’re fun and funny. I love how your mind works. I love that you truly listen to my grandparents when they talk to you. I want to hang out with you all the time. I like your bold side and your quiet side. I like all of you, Lu.”
He’s single-handedly taking a sledgehammer to every one of the arguments I had for not dating him. I’m very impressed.
“Okay.” I say the word slowly.
He leans forward, closer to me. “Okay, like you’re willing to give this a chance?”
“I am if you are.” I nod, my heart ready to burst. The mile-wide smile that spreads across TJ’s face is one of pure, unfiltered delight. It makes me brave. “I do have a question.”
“Yeah? Anything.”
“Do you remember when we were at the top of the steps at the gala, before they called you down to the stage?” I pause, waiting to see if the moment registers for him. He nods. “You said something to me then.”
“I told you I wanted to kiss you.” His eyes dip to my lips and then up again. “That I wanted to kiss you very much. But that you should wait until someone knows you and cherishes you to have your first kiss.”
I hum. “I was wondering”—I glance down, biting my lip before meeting his gaze again; it’s turned molten—“if maybe you could show me how that would go.”
TJ’s neck is taut with restraint, but he shifts his body, bringing one arm out of the hot tub and resting it on the side. He starts drawing languid shapes on my shoulder blade. The water droplets left behind by his finger cool in the frigid night air, only for my skin to be warmed again when he makes another pass. The sensation is addictive.
“That depends.” His voice is low and careful.
“On what?”
“Are you asking for story inspiration?”
“I … I was hoping this would just be for you and me.”
He nods slowly. “Then I want you to know that I still very much want to kiss you. Not because you’re beautiful. That’s what I knew on night one. Now I know so much more, Lu, and I—” His voice breaks, and he swallows, trying again. “I am overwhelmed by you.”
“Kiss me, TJ. Please,” I beg.
“I want to go slow with you. I want to give you the control,” he murmurs, drawing me in enough that he can press his lips to my forehead. He leans back so he’s looking at me. “You take the lead.”
Nothing has ever been more alluring to me in my entire life than this man, here, waiting on me and ensuring that I feel safe.
I gulp and nod. I have no idea what I’m doing, but he’s managed to completely allay all my worries about whether I’m going to do this right. I feel at ease and cared for. I swing myself over so both of my legs are on the far side of TJ’s body and I’m sitting on his lap.
