Her eyes go wide. “I don’t want to do anything that’s painful for you.”
The thought of getting a Christmas tree and putting it up in my house has always felt like a betrayal of Tess, but sitting here, staring at Lucy, there’s a voice in my head that sounds a lot like Tess saying,Go, take the girl to the tree farm, you big oaf. Live, laugh, love.
“Live, laugh, love,” I say slowly.
Lucy’s forehead creases, and a huff of a laugh escapes her lips. “What’s that?”
A sense of peace comes over me, and I smile for real. “It’s this dumb sign I have in my house.”
“No, I know. I saw it when I was there. I just didn’t know why you were saying it now.”
I smirk. “First of all, I’m starting to think you might have gone through my drawers when I wasn’t around, Lu.” I wag my brows to let her know I’m teasing, but it doesn’t stop her cheeks from turning pink. “Second, I’m quoting it because Tess and I used to joke about that. She had that sign in her house, mostly to make fun of it, but we used to say ‘Live, laugh, love,’ whenever we were trying to decide what to do next, or what our next move would be. It was a tongue-in-cheek thing.”
A soft smile spreads across Lucy’s face. “Tess sounds awesome.”
“She was.”
So are you.
The words are on the tip of my tongue, but I rein them in. I’ll make sure Lucy knows she’s incredible, too, but if I say so right now, it’s going to sound like I’m saying it because I have to, or because I feel guilty for bringing up my former girlfriend.
Do I feel guilty? I always expected talking about Tess, reliving some of our time together, especially with another woman, would be upsetting and awkward. There is some of that, but not like I anticipated. It feels more like I’m taking a bandage off a burn wound. The adhesive sticks and pulls from being in place for so long, and it’s not super comfortable, but underneath, the scar is smoothed over and not painful to the touch.
“She would be telling me to stop being a baby and take you to the tree farm. She’d be saying, ‘Live, laugh, and love, TJ. Quit sitting on your butt like an oversized toad.’”
Lucy smiles. “Did she call you an oversized toad often?”
“Nah, I added that myself.” I grin at Lucy. “So what do you say? Should we go for it?”
Lucy’s eyes take on a glint of hope—anticipation. “Let’s do it.”
Chapter 25
Lucy
There must be something in the water in Wisconsin. These small towns are so charming. I didn’t think anywhere would be as lovely as Cashmere Cove, but as we drive slowly down Mapleton Avenue, I can’t help but think that Mapleton gives Cashmere Cove some competition. We passed an adorable park with a gazebo all twined with twinkling lights. Kids were skating on an ice rink, and there was a line in front of a mobile coffee pop-up nearby.
“This is the entrance. Turn right.” I look up from my phone after navigating us to McGregor Tree Farm. A gorgeous farmhouse comes into view. We bypass the circle drive and follow the signs for the tree lot around back. TJ pulls his truck into an open spot.
I walk in front of the truck, meeting him on his side. He’s assessing the grounds, and I fiddle with the tassel on my scarf. “You sure you’re good with this?”
When he suggested cutting down a Christmas tree together, I could have cried … tears of joy. It’s been so long, and my heart pinched at the memories of my dad putting me up on his shoulders and hiking through the fields to find the perfect tree.
After hearing about everything with Tess, I’m not surprised by TJ’s aversion to the holiday season, and I know he’s doing this for me—for my benefit. That thought could make me cry again. I’ve blubbered enough for one day, so I firm my resolve and keep my gaze on the side of his face where his jaw is currently clenched to within an inch of its life.
“If it gets to be too much, say so, and we can leave,” I tell him. “You don’t have to pretend to be okay with me.”
He relaxes his mouth and offers me a small smile. “And I can't tell you what a relief that is, but I’m good. I was thinking about Tess’s mom.”
I cock my head to the side to show him I’m listening, and he goes on.
“She invited me to a benefit dinner. They have one every year around New Year’s in Tess’s honor. It’s this whole fancy thing, and they try to bring in a big-name speaker to get some media coverage to raise even more money for the scholarship they fund in Tess’s name.” His eyes take on a faraway look before he blinks and stares down at me. “I never go,” he says quietly. “I’ve always thought it’d be too hard to be there alone, you know?”
I nod, my throat closing. A part of me wants to offer to go with him. Another part of me doesn’t feel like that’s my place. Add to that his mention of media presence, and I know I wouldn’t be able to hide my identity.
“Maybe it’s time,” he says quietly.
I reach for his hand and squeeze it. “I’m sure it would be hard to be there, but it might also be healing.”
