I was in an extremely vulnerable position, and if hehadkissed me, I think I would have let him – and I’d also have enjoyed it. But he didn’t. And I’ll admit it, I respected the shit out of him for that. He probably knew I would have kissed him back, but he chose to give me a friendly, supportive hug instead. So maybe he wasn’t jealous after all. I hugged him back. And it was a nice hug. ‘Happy New Year, Brad.’
He stepped back. That was when I realized that he was out here all alone before I came out. And instead of going someplace more private, he’d stayed put and listened to me. Sure, no one had walked out and interrupted us – yet – but it was a possibility.
I remembered a month earlier, when he’d seemed to be asking me out in front of Lara. Maybe Brad was starting to feel more comfortable with himself. And maybe that meant he was more comfortable with me? I was a little curious. Usually, this was when I made things easier by making the first move so Brad didn’t need to go through the moments of self-hate before giving in and actually kissing me.
Instead, here we were, talking. And Brad wasn’t seeming all that uncomfortable. Hell, he’d even hugged me.
‘So,’ I said. ‘Do you want to tell me whyyou’reout here, listening to me talk about boy troubles, instead of inside with your friends?’
He shook his head and waved his hand. ‘It’s a new year; leave it in the past.’
‘New year, new queer.’
He snorted. ‘I like that. You going back in?’ He pointed to the front door behind him.
‘Nah. I have to apologize to Ava, and I want to make sure she and I are both sober for it so we can have a real talk.’
We said goodbye and I went back to my car. I checked my phone for a text from Ava, but there was nothing. And that was fine. We’d make up in a day or two. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t wish for aHappy New Yeartext from Gabe. But I’d also be lying if I said I expected to see one.
‘What the fuck!’
There was no one in the kitchen for me to exclaim to, but I did it anyway. I was staring at the lineup sheet posted on the office door right above the chores. I wanted to see where Gabe was stationed today, hoping I could convince Morgan to triple- or even quadruple-seat him. Yes, I had moved on to the anger stage of my Gabriel Grief Process. But imagine my surprise at seeing Morgan was in the dining room training a new girl, while Gabe’s name was underHost.
He was the first boy host probably in Sunset Estates history. James came up behind me.Oh, good. Someonedidhear myexclamation.
‘What’re we lookin’ at, Bahama Mama?’ I pointed to Gabe’s name. ‘Babe!’ He seemed to be excited.
‘You call him “babe”?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Why?’
‘’Cause heisa babe. Even I can see that. And I’m, like, a … which side of the Kinsey scale is the straight one?’
I shrugged and went back to my opening task duties.
‘Well, I’m not the zero or the six, but I’m not a three, you know? Like a two or one. Or five or four, whichever is less gay but still kinda gay, where you can be like,Yo, the Rock looksgoodinJumanji, you know? You ever seeJumanji?’
James continued talking aboutJumanjifor thirty minutes while I stacked glasses and fried up the frozen French fries. All the while thinking about Gabe.
Here I’d thought he might quit to avoid me, but he was back at work. As a host. Which meant that he was out in the formal dining room removing the Sunday brunch printouts from the leather-bound menus and inserting the new dinner printouts. And that he got to work before I did – even though I hadn’t seen his Audi by the loading dock, which meant he’d probably parked out front to avoid me.
I glanced up at the clock when I emerged from the walk-in with a giant bowl of lemons. Everyone would be arriving shortly for the dinner shift. How much longer could he avoid seeing me? How much longer couldIavoid talking to him?
The answer ended up being ‘forty more seconds’, because as I grabbed one of Chef Roni’s giant knives and a mint-green cutting board to slice the lemons, Gabe came through the kitchen doors, giving me a quick glance. Then he went to the lineup sheet to write on his laminated floor plan who was in which section.
Rookie mistake.
Rule number one when trying to avoid someone: if you don’t have to step foot in the kitchen the whole shift, do all the kitchen work before the person you’re avoiding arrives. Morgan was a professional at that; maybe she should have done some training with him.
I walked right past Gabe, put the cutting board on the metal counter next to the dinner trays, and started cutting my lemons.
His slip-resistant shoes squeaked as he approached me. ‘Hey.’
I froze in the middle of throwing cut lemons into the shallow chafing dish I had set aside. I didn’t even turn to look at him; I just dropped the lemons and went back to cutting.
‘I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch.’
