“Don’t you get it, Squish? The only thing worse than losing you would have been losing you slowly,” she said wearily. “I couldn’t stand the idea of long distance tearing us apart. Missed calls and holidays, days stretched into months without kissing you—piece by piece, you would have grown to resent me. I could feel the silence growing between us before I even left. I thought that if I gave us a clean break, it would hurt less than watching you painfully fall out of love with me.”
Caitlin met Gemma’s gaze. “I couldn’t let you become a stranger, so I became your enemy.”
“That wasn’t your decision to make!” Gemma burst before steadying her voice. “Did you ever once think about whatIwould choose?”
“I waited until four in the morning for you to come home, and you never did. It seemed like you had made your choice.”
Gemma scoffed. “Caitlin, I left because I needed time toprocess the fact thatyouhad decided tomove across the countrywithout me. But for fuck’s sake, I didn’t even leave the apartment, I was only next door in Hayley’s room.”
Caitlin sat frozen, seemingly rendered mute.
Gemma barely paused before continuing, “Then I found that note you left, and it felt like proof that you had never really loved me. You don’t abandon the people you love.”
Caitlin dropped to her knees in front of Gemma, her eyes searching for a way back into her heart.
Gemma crossed her arms, resisting Caitlin’s embrace. Tears of agony swelled in her ocean-blue eyes, but Gemma knew if she let herself sink into them, she’d drown before hearing the words she’d waited years for.
“I’m so sorry, Gemma. I’m sorry for leaving the way I did. I’m sorry for never reaching out. I’m sorry I didn’t fight harder for you—for us. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to come with me. It was the worst decision I have ever made,” Caitlin said fervently. “When you walked into that chemistry read, it felt like the universe was handing me a second chance.”
Gemma stared down at Caitlin on the floor and said flatly, “I had a ring.”
Caitlin’s face fell. She crumpled back to the cold wood, legs folding out from under her.
Gemma had never planned to tell Caitlin, but if they were going to put everything on the table, the ring was part of their story.
“I was going to propose that summer, before you left. I would have done anything for you, Caitlin, including moving across the country. We could have figured it out together, but you never even gave us a chance.” Her last words came out as a whisper.
Caitlin’s voice cracked as tears traced black streaks of mascara down her face. “Gemma… I didn’t know.” Her voice was so low that Gemma almost missed it.
“Well, how could you? You ended it in a letter and left for LA,” Gemma snapped.
“I’m still in love with you, Gemma. I never stopped loving you.” Caitlin’s words, choked with tears, were still painfully clear.
“No,” Gemma cut her off, her voice sharp as she shook her head. “I don’t care what your reason was, you made me feel like I was nothing to you. I could never trust you again. I’d spend the rest of my life waiting to find a note and an empty bed.”
Caitlin was silent, her hands clawing at her scalp as if to summon the right words.
“Look,” Gemma said quietly, kneeling down to meet Caitlin’s eyes. “You’ve made these last three months matter. I’ve missed you. Maybe trust can grow back. But that’s all I can give you right now.”
There was nothing left to say. With filming wrapped for the day, Gemma turned and walked out the trailer door, wanting to put as much distance between them as possible.
Inside her apartment building, Gemma found herself walking through Hayley’s door instead of her own as hot tears built up behind her eyes.
“Gem, what happened?” Hayley pushed back from the kitchen table and crossed the room.
Within seconds, Gemma found herself stumbling into her best friend’s arms—as always, Hayley caught her.
They moved to the living room so Gemma could tell her about the long-overdue conversation she had just had with Caitlin.
“Damn. I never thought Caitlin would admit that. How are you feeling about it?”
Gemma curled her legs up onto the couch, pulling them tightly against her chest. “I’m still so pissed. But I love her, too,Hay. I don’t know if I fell in love with her again or if I never stopped.”
“I don’t need to tell you that I’ve never been Caitlin’s biggest fan,” Hayley said, making a slow face, almost a wince. “God, I hate that I’m even saying this. But… honestly, I had always wondered if maybe she was the reason why you never dated anyone for more than a few months in the past ten years.”
Gemma looked at Hayley through swollen, puffy eyes. Hayley had been there through the breakup, watched Gemma attempt to move on for years, and had probably known—even if Gemma herself hadn’t—that she’d never fully let Caitlin go.
Hayley wiped a tear from Gemma’s cheek. “You don’t have to make any decisions right now. But whatever you choose, I’ve got your back. You’ll always have me, Gem.”
