The calm, rational part of Gemma knew that none of it was real. It was just a movie, and they were acting, but it felt like her own wound was being reopened for the world to see. Each line gnawed at her more than the last, parallel scenes flashing through her memories.
Sarah kissing Kate for the first time, aching and inevitable.
The taste of Caitlin’s cherry lip balm, geometry textbook still opened in Gemma’s lap.
Kate choosing the man who hurts her instead of the woman who loves her.
Caitlin’s face washed with an unreadable mask as she asked Gemma to leave.
A hastily scrawled note—“I’m doing this for both of us.”
Fact and fiction tangled together into one unbearable knot.
When the final line came, Gemma couldn’t say it. The director never stopped rolling, capturing every tremor of emotion on Gemma’s face as they restarted the scene again and again.
Caitlin’s hands were trembling, the vulnerability in her voice confirming that Gemma was not alone in this raging storm. They had both carried the weight of their past into the scene.
Gemma had lost track of the number of takes as she began the last beat again, tears already dripping down her face as she remembered the day Caitlin had left.
She had returned to their room early the next morning, prepared to tell Caitlin that they would go to LA together—that she would follow Caitlin to the ends of the earth, no matter what. Gemma would finish school in California while Caitlin filmed the movie, and she would be on her arm for the premiere, dressed in a shade of blue that would bring out Caitlin’s eyes. Gemma would do whatever it took, as long as they were together.
But the bed was cold, and Caitlin was already gone. Shehad sunk to her knees, each breath allowing the dagger to pierce deeper into her chest. The letter, folded in half on her pillow, had read like a verdict. It was over.
Gemma felt herself rip apart, and she channeled her ruined heart into Sarah with one final breath. “I can’t lose you.”
“Cut!” The director strode over to where Gemma had dropped to her knees, sobbing as the image of the empty closet flashed behind her eyelids.
McKenzie Ryan was saying something to them, but Gemma couldn’t hear it over the sound of her heart shattering. She pushed herself to her feet and rushed off the set and into her trailer.
“I need a minute!” Gemma shouted toward the knock on her door.
“Gem, it’s me. Can I come in?” Caitlin asked from the other side.
Gemma didn’t want to say no, not to her, but she didn’t know if Caitlin’s presence would help or hurt.
Caitlin slowly opened the door, apparently taking Gemma’s silent turmoil as an answer. She hesitated at first, but when she saw Gemma crying on the couch, Caitlin immediately went to her side, wrapping both arms around her.
Gemma collapsed into her embrace, her sobs ragged and relentless.
When Gemma’s breathing began to slow, Caitlin handed her a tissue. She pushed it away and wiped her face on her sleeve, the tissue feeling too flimsy for her jagged edges.
Her eyes felt raw, mascara streaked, and cheeks wet, but she lifted her steady gaze to Caitlin. “You vanished in the middle of the night. Did I really mean so little to you?”
Caitlin seemed to search for the right words.
“Four years together, and you left me with a note. A
fuckingnote, Caitlin. Do you know howinsane that is?” Gemma’s voice cut through the trailer. “Then nine years of silence until we get cast together. Would you have ever reached out if this hadn’t happened?” The rage she had kept buried broke loose. There would be no going back now.
“Gem, I...” Caitlin faltered, unprepared, but Gemma refused to walk away again without answers.
“You what?” Gemma demanded, her voice rising before suddenly collapsing into a broken whisper. “Why’d you leave me behind, Caitlin?”
Caitlin didn’t move. She barely breathed. Silence hung between them, but Gemma was done speaking. It was Caitlin’s turn.
Caitlin sighed in resignation. “I was so young and so stupid, Gemma. I thought I had to choose—LA and my career, or you and Pennsylvania. I panicked.” Her blue eyes drained with regret.
Not understanding, Gemma waited for her to continue.
