Caitlin winced. “I was afraid that you would try to convince me not to,” she said sheepishly, hearing how ridiculous that sounded.
Gemma just looked at her, confounded, as she slowly shook her head.
“I know,” Caitlin whispered, eyes stinging.
“So… what does this mean for us?” Gemma asked, looking to Caitlin for answers that she didn’t have. “I thought that we were going to do this together.”
Caitlin had thought about that question a lot over the past week. She wondered if their love could survive three thousand miles, if late-night calls and letters would be enough to bridge the already-widening gap. She wouldn’t ask Gemma to come with her,couldn’task her to reroute her own future just for her. The thought of losing Gemma hollowed her out, yet the idea of giving up her chance in LA felt like cutting off her own future.
“I’m not sure, Squish,” Caitlin said softly.
When Gemma finally lifted her gaze, Caitlin could see the pain etched across her face. Hurt, anger, and betrayal melded together into one hot tear tracing its way down Gemma’s cheek.
Without another word, Gemma grabbed her phone from its spot on her desk and slowly got to her feet. Her deep brown eyes met Caitlin’s clear blue ones, locking them into a silence louder than words. The contrast felt symbolic—warm earth meeting open sky. Suddenly, an entire world lay between the two. Caitlin felt Gemma slipping away before she even turned toward thedoor.
Hours passedand Caitlin still hadn’t heard from Gemma. Call after call, text after text, all went unanswered, and Gemma never came home.
Caitlin lay awake, staring at the ceiling, her mind circling the same impossible question.
What does this mean for us?
She felt stupid for ever believing that Gemma might not support her. But the thought of Gemma asking her to stay, even if it was out of love, had scared Caitlin so much that she had allowed it to create a premature distance between them. But what was their other option?
Caitlin’s stomach twisted as she imagined the miles stretching between Philadelphia and Los Angeles. Direct flights back and forth were expensive, and the demands of her filming schedule would leave little room for visits. She worried about missed birthdays, forgotten anniversaries, and lost physical connection. She worried about the time zones turning spontaneous phone calls into planned conversations, and about the loneliness that would settle over them each night they crawled into separate empty beds on opposite sides of the country.
It was four in the morning when Caitlin jolted upright, the decision crashing down on her. Jumping out of bed, she grabbed the empty suitcase hidden in her closet and started shoving her clothes inside. Her breathing came ragged as she leaned back against her desk and stared at the opened case, now brimming with her life as she knew it. Was this the right decision?
Caitlin drew in a long, deep breath and kept packing. LA was waiting for her. If she didn’t go now, she might never have the courage to go at all.
She opened her notebook to a blank piece of paper and scribbled a note.
Gemma,
I love you. I know you won’t understand, but I’m doing this for both of us. Chase your dreams, mi toro.
I’m sorry.
Always & Forever,
Caitlin
Looking around their room one last time, Caitlin felt a sinking ache as she spotted the framed collage Gemma had given her on their wall. She couldn’t leave it behind. She would take Gemma with her in any way she could.
She hurried across the room, lifted it from the hook, and tucked it under her arm. She threw her backpack on, stacked her large tote bag onto her suitcase, and hauled her life down the dark sidewalk to her car.
Caitlin was headed to Los Angeles, California, leaving behind the life she knew to chase the one in her dreams.
TWENTY-FIVE
READY LIKE NEVER BEFORE, GEMMAstood on the brink of filming Kate and Sarah’s explosive breakup. Years-old anguish lurked beneath her skin, threatening to erupt at any moment. Fourteen years of longing and loss sat in the room with her, ready to inflict another blow. She had everything she needed to make the scene raw and honest.
She believed Caitlin’s insistence that there was no one else—Gemma felt the same way. But it didn’t change the fact that every time they came together, it ended the same way, with Gemma hurt and in tears. She couldn’t ignore the universe’s hard truth that she and Caitlin would only ever cause each other pain.
The cameras started to roll, and the assistant director yelled, “Action!”
Transforming into Kate, Caitlin began telling Sarah she couldn’t be with her anymore because of her husband. Katelifted her sleeve to show Sarah the bruises and, with a shaking voice, recounted the violence that had awaited her after Sarah’s Broadway debut.
Sarah broke down, crying for what Kate had endured and for the death of their shared future. She begged Kate to stay, to choose her, but Kate stepped back and walked out.
