“What do you want, Caitlin?”
“I want you.”
Gemma’s eyes widened at the bluntness of her words.
“It’s a little late for that,” Gemma said it like she meant it, but Caitlin heard the crack in her voice. That was all Caitlin needed. It wasn’t over.
Caitlin crossed the cramped space, tangled her fingers in Gemma’s dark waves, and pressed her back against the wall as their mouths collided.
Gemma kissed her back for a split second, and Caitlin felt the pieces of her soul falling into place.
“What the fuck?”Gemma roughly pushed Caitlin away from her, trying to create as much distance between their bodies as possible.
“I’m sorry.” Caitlin stepped back. “I saw you kissing Emily, and I…” Her voice faltered.
“Youwhat?” Gemma shook with rising anger. “You don’t want me, but you don’t want me to be with Emily, either? What do you want from me, Caitlin?”
“That’s not true.” Caitlin looked at the floor, summoning her courage. “You’re all I’ve been able to think about for months.”
Gemma huffed. “Yeah, right. You’ve been too busy with Troy’s tongue down your throat to think of anyone else.”
Caitlin sagged inward, realizing that the show she had been putting on with Troy had backfired.
“Look, I don’t know what this was,” Gemma gestured between them, “but Emily is my girlfriend. So please, just leave me alone and go back to your boyfriend.”
Caitlin didn’t know how to say the next thing on her heart,but she knew one thing—if she didn’t lay herself out bare, if she withheld anything now, she would lose Gemma for good.
“Don’t go back to Emily,” Caitlin whispered, pleading.
“And why the hell not?” Gemma asked, arms crossed and brows furrowed as she glared at Caitlin.
“Because you should be with me.” Caitlin leaned against the sink, gripping the edge to steady herself for her next words. The bass from the party outside thumped through the walls, out of sync with her own heartbeat.
“After we kissed, everything just… flipped. I didn’t even know kissing could feel like that.” She glanced at Gemma, then away, her voice catching. “I panicked, alright? You’re a girl, and I’d never done that before. And I have Troy… it was all just too much,” Caitlin rushed, looking up for a reaction from Gemma.
Gemma remained silent, seeming to wait for Caitlin to offer up a better excuse.
“I didn’t know what to do, and I wasn’t ready to confront my feelings for you, so I guess I just acted like they didn’t exist. I started using Troy like some sort of shield, hoping it would make you jealous enough to intervene. To rescue me.” Caitlin’s breath hitched on the last few words, feeling pathetic. The bathroom air, thick with perfume and vodka, was starting to make her feel ill.
Gemma rolled her eyes, not impressed with Caitlin’s admission.
Caitlin closed the gap and laced their fingers together. “How did you feel when we kissed?”
Gemma hesitated, dropping her gaze to Caitlin’s lips, then met her eyes. “I liked it, Caitlin, a lot. But then you kicked me out of your room and your life. Itriedto reach out. I wanted you to know how much I liked you, and you ghosted me. You chose him.” Gemma didn’t break eye contact as she delivered the final blow. “I found someone who actually knows what they want,and it’s me. No games. And now I would like to get back to her.” Dejection roughened Gemma’s voice.
Caitlin let Gemma brush past and leave, closing the bathroom door behind her.
Gemma was right. She deserved far better than how Caitlin had treated her. If Caitlin really wanted her back, she would have to show she was serious and choose Gemma—in all aspects of her life, not just when it was convenient.
When Caitlin rejoined the party, she watched Gemma and Emily head for the front door, arms threaded around each other. She lingered behind a bush, watching until their shadows melted into the dark sidewalk. Caitlin grappled with the pain of knowing her confession may have come too late.
Shortly after midnight, the crowd thinned. Unable to mask any longer, Caitlin asked Troy if they could go to bed. They told the remaining stragglers to crash in the guest room or on the couch before making their way upstairs.
Once in Troy’s room, Caitlin felt numb as her boyfriend closed the door, scooped her up, and carried her over to his bed. Liquor permeated the air between them as Troy began to kiss the hollow of her neck.
“Troy,” Caitlin said, leaning away from his touch.
“Yeah?” He didn’t stop, continuing to trail kisses down her neck.
