Gemma happened to look up at that moment, in time to watch Caitlin fling her salad into the trash can before shoving through the cafeteria doors with both hands.
Jealousy had taken root inside of Caitlin like a weed, thorns twisting through her stomach that she could neither ignore nor soothe. She knew now for sure that she had feelings for Gemma, that truth had crashed over her the moment they kissed. Yet she had chosen avoidance in her panic, and she now felt powerless as Gemma’s new relationship publicly solidified. And the only person Caitlin had to blame was herself.
It wasn’t like Caitlin could fault Emily. Gemma was intoxicating. Her charm was as quick as her wit, and it was all too easy to sink into the warm embrace of her golden-brown eyes. Not to mention, Caitlin knew what it was like to feel wanted by Gemma, and she envied Emily for having the courage that she lacked.
It might as well have been Caitlin who set them up. She had kissed Gemma and then cast her off like an empty candy wrapper once the sweet had been enjoyed. She had allowed herself to hesitate for too long, expecting Gemma to wait for her indefinitely. Her mind told her that it wasn’t fair for her to be upset that Gemma had moved on, even while her heart screamed with betrayal.
And then there was Troy. Troy had loved Caitlin since middle school, their social standings and friendships now felt too intertwined to untangle. Her chest hummed with guiltwhenever she considered disrupting their relationship. But was her current strategy any kinder? She had been hiding a growing hunger for Gemma behind Troy’s back, not giving her own boyfriend the honesty he deserved.
Conflicted or not, Caitlin had made her choice, and now she would force herself to live with it. She resolved to focus her attention on Troy and her duties as cheer captain, filling her days with routines and cheers as if they could drown out the longing. Caitlin clung to the hope that ignoring Gemma, the girl who had stolen her heart without permission a year ago, would enable her life to slide back into the easy shape it had been before their lips had ever met.
THE MONTHS PASSED IN Aflash, and Caitlin had now been out of school for the past two days for Thanksgiving break. Troy’s parents were out of town, traveling as usual, leaving two boys to their own devices in the oversized, empty house.On cue, Troy decided to fill the emptiness with a hundred or so of their peers that Friday night, after most had fulfilled their familial obligations the day before. The Black Friday party had started to become a holiday tradition of its own.
Assuming the role of hostess like always, Caitlin ordered a towering stack of pizzas and swung by the store for a cartload of chips and sodas. Troy’s older brother stocked them with booze so they wouldn’t have to force the lock on the liquor cabinet, and then headed off to meet his friends at the bar. They had tried getting away with that once before, and Troy’s father’s anger over a stolen bottle of thirty-year-old malt whiskey still sat heavy over the house.
Taking her role seriously, Caitlin took inventory of her surroundings. The music was loud, the keg was tapped, and the six-gallon jug of cheap vodka lemonade mix sat on the patio table, plastic cups stacked nearby. They had set up the majorityof the party outside to keep as many people out of the house as possible. Then the clean-up was easier that way, they had learned.
The backyard, enclosed on all sides by an eight-foot privacy fence, vibrated with the excitement of ungoverned teenagers, their faces glowing in the flickering light of tiki torches.
Caitlin took a few laps around the party to say hello to everyone and make sure they were all having a good time. At least, that’s what she told herself. But as she moved through the clusters, Caitlin searched for the mane of dark hair.
Caitlin stood at Troy’s side, a tight smile pasted to her face, as she tried to hide her disappointment that Gemma might not come.
Just as she was about to give up hope, Caitlin spotted a familiar silhouette parting the crowd. Her heart jumped into her throat as she watched the girl’s lithe, athletic figure ease through the sliding glass doors and into the backyard. As Caitlin had imagined, Gemma had left her hair down that night, allowing her natural waves to steal the show. Caitlin stared, thinking about tangling her fingers into the dark tresses.
“Right, babe?” Troy asked, his arm draped across Caitlin’s shoulders.
“Yeah.” Caitlin had no idea what she was agreeing to as she watched Gemma scan the yard. “He’s right.” Her boyfriend hadn’t even noticed that her attention had drifted.
Caitlin’s focus was on Gemma, effortlessly beautiful in her black straight jeans, flowing ivory sweater, leather jacket, and signature Doc Marten boots. The party blurred around her until only Gemma shone in the dark, the backyard lanterns creating a warm halo around her face. She was captivating.
The jarring sound of teenagers screaming Shop Boyz’s “Party Like a Rockstar” briefly jolted Caitlin back into hersurroundings.
Caitlin returned her gaze across the yard, spotting Gemma again just as her face split into a smile. She followed the source of Gemma’s joy—Emily. Caitlin felt herself sinking as Emily ran to Gemma, wrapping her arms around her neck, and kissed her. Emily guided Gemma to the circle of girls from the soccer team and gave her the only empty chair before Emily settled comfortably into Gemma’s lap.
This was a nightmare.
Caitlin gulped the vodka lemonade mix from her cup and looked up at Troy. “Shots?”
“Hell yeah!” Troy and his buddies cheered, following Caitlin like overeager puppies toward the liquor table.
She poured four shots of cheap peach vodka and handed out the small plastic cups. They haphazardly smashed them together into a toast, then threw them back in unison. Caitlin topped off her own cup, swallowing the liquid that burned down her throat before anyone else could catch up.
From the corner of her eye, she saw Gemma stand and head inside alone. Caitlin needed to make a choice here and now—either go after what she wanted or walk away from Gemma for good.
Before she could second-guess herself, she told Troy, “Be right back.”
Caitlin followed the path Gemma had just taken and slid into the bathroom before the door closed.
“Caitlin, what the hell are you doing?”
She locked the door, turning to Gemma, and said, “I needed to see you.”
“Why? You’ve done such an impressive job avoiding me for months. Couldn’t you stay away for one more night?”
Caitlin stared at Gemma’s full lips, remembering what they had felt like on her skin, then forced her gaze back up. “I thinkbathrooms are becoming our thing.”
Gemma glared. Okay, so the casual, funny approach wasn’t going to work.
