He stood a little distance away, near the bicycles, but he wasn’t alone. One of the women who had been eyeing him in the changing room was chatting to him. She laughed at something he said, throwing her head back and reaching out to stroke a hand over his bicep. No, not talking –flirting.
I was taken aback by how suddenly pissed off I was. I knew what Rowan was like, he was completely blind to the attention of women, but it still rankled me. I noticed he didn’t immediately brush her hand away, and when the woman grew bold, reaching out to touch him again, my patience snapped. I strode over to them.
Rowan glanced up as I approached. “Ah, hey.”
“Alright?” I replied, barely keeping my irritation in check. “Are you ready to go, babe?”
Even as I said it, I knew I was being petty. I knew it was unkind to goad Rowan into a response and to potentially embarrass him in front of a stranger, but at that moment I couldn’t bring myself to care. I had agreed to give Rowan time to sort his affairs, but I hadn’t agreed to allow strangers to flirt unabashedly with him.
The woman’s eyes widened, and she looked between us. Rowan stared at me, his cheeks growing pink. An emotion I hadn’t seen before flashed in his eyes. He was angry with me.
“O-oh, sorry. Are you guys–?”
“Yeah, we are,” I replied icily.
“Well, it was great to meet you,” she said to Rowan with a tight smile. “I’ll let you get on.”
As soon as she was out of earshot, Rowan grasped my shoulder.
“What the fuck, Max?” he muttered. “What was that?”
I shrugged. “She was barking up the wrong tree, wasn’t she? No sense in letting her think she has a chance.”
Rowan ran a hand down his face. “So, you chose to out me instead? I’ll see that woman here again, I’m sure.”
“And?” I argued, growing irate. “It’s not like she’s going to tell anyone, is it?”
“You don’t know that.”
I scowled and sighed. “Whatever.” I turned on my heel and strode back towards the changing room. I heard Rowan jog to catch up with me.
“Areyouseriously pissed off withme?” he asked incredulously. “After that stunt you just pulled?”
I pushed into the changing room, not pausing to hold the heavy door open for Rowan behind me. He followed me inside.
“It pisses me off seeing people flirting with you, and you not declining the attention.” I opened my locker, grabbed a hoodie and dragged it on over my head.
“I wasn’t flirting with her,” Rowan snapped.
“Maybe not, but you didn’t set her straight either, did you?”
He sighed. “Max, I thought we were clear on this? You agreed to give me time to come to terms with it all.”
“You’re right, I did, but I didn’t realise that meant I had to put myself back in the closet as well,” I replied tersely. “I’ve been through a lot of soul-searching and heartache to get to where I am today. I’m happy with who I am. I don’t want to have to hide away as if I’m ashamed of it.”
“Max,” Rowan groaned. “You know that’s not what I meant.”
I shrugged my gym bag onto my shoulder. “Yeah, well, perhaps you should head home to your wife and have a long think about what exactly youdomean, Rowan.”
It was a low blow, and I felt a flare of guilt at the pained expression on Rowan’s face, but I pushed past him.
“Max,” he called after me, but I didn’t stop. I headed back out into the gym, knowing Rowan wouldn’t follow me out here and make a scene. I tugged my hood up and shoved my hands in my hoodie pocket as I stormed out into the night.
I stewed silently all the way to the bus stop. Perhaps it had been unfair of me to out him the way I had, but I was starting to get fed up with always having to hide our relationship away. I understood that it was complicated, and that Rowan wasn’t ready to be as open as I would have liked, but I really couldn’t bear his double standards. So, it was okay to allow some random woman to flirt with him, but God forbid I did?
We had been seeing one another for months and it frustrated me how little progress had been made between us. I had expected some sort of plan for a conversation with Christina, or a clear idea of expectations for the future, but things were still as messy and confusing as they had been at the start.
Perhaps I would never really understand this. Sure, I’d had to overcome my own struggles coming to terms with my sexuality, but I’d never had people relying on me. I’d never had as much to lose as Rowan did.
