I sighed heavily, stepping onto the bus. “I’m such a dick,” I muttered under my breath.
“Sorry?” The bus driver looked up at me.
I shook my head with an apologetic smile. “Oh, nothing.”
I sat with my head resting against the steamed-up bus window, watching the streetlights pass by. I’d been out of line being so angry with Rowan, I could see that now, but he really needed to meet me halfway on some of these things. If he wasn’t ready to make big changes, he could at least be more considerate of my feelings. Perhaps there was some middle ground we could find, some way to make us both happy with the situation? That’s if Rowan hadn’t already written me off. I wasn’t entirely sure I would blame him if he had. His life was uncomfortable and complicated enough without me adding to his woes and pressuring him.
Eventually the bus came to my stop, and I hopped off. It was raining heavily now, and I glowered up at the sky from beneath my hood. As if I wasn’t having a shitty enough evening as it was.
I didn’t much relish the idea of heading back to a cold, quiet flat to be alone with my thoughts. I had a tendency to overthink and spiral at the best of times, never mind when I was left with just myself for company. I needn’t have worried. Just down the street from the entrance to my flat block was a familiar flash car. I glanced inside, but it was vacant.
I climbed the stairs two at a time, wondering if Rowan was here to make up, or break up. My heart thumped nervously in my chest whilst I prayed I hadn’t overstepped too far. I strode down the corridor towards my flat. Rowan was waiting for me, leaning his back against the wall. He pushed off it to stand up straight as he saw me approaching.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, digging my key from my pocket.
“I wasn’t happy with the way we left things,” he replied. I tried to read his expression but failed. He wasn’t happy, that much was clear, but I couldn’t tell if he was still angry, or if he was just disappointed with me. I wasn’t sure which was worse.
I let myself into my flat and held the door open for Rowan to step inside. We both ditched our gym bags and kicked our trainers off at the door. I flicked the lounge light on. The evening hadn’t panned out the way I had hoped. I had been looking forward to getting Rowan all to myself for a few hours, and yet now I felt awkward and nervous. Neither of us spoke for a long moment.
I cracked first and cleared my throat. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been so hard on you.”
“No, you shouldn’t have. You know better than anyone the stress I’m under with all of this,” Rowan replied sternly. “I’m doing my best, Max.”
“I know,” I groaned and sunk my teeth into my tongue. He was still pissed off with me, and I couldn’t honestly blame him. Perhaps he really was here to break things off? My heart sank.
“I don’t understand why you were so worried about that woman. I had zero interest in her. I fuckingloveyou, Max. I would have thought you’d have figured that out by now. I wouldn’t be putting myself through all this if I didn’t.”
I blinked. Had he just said what I thought I’d heard? I looked up, meeting Rowan’s eye for the first time since we’d entered the flat. A cocktail of emotions blazed there, and I swallowed.
“That being said, I definitely owe you an apology.” He continued, taking a few steps towards me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you, but I can understand why you were pissed off. I figured if the shoe was on the other foot, I wouldn’t enjoy seeing someone flirting with you and you doing nothing about it.”
I shrugged. “I think I overreacted. Women are always flirting with you and you’re always oblivious to it.”
“I’m going to make an effort to belessoblivious. I guess I’ve been so wrapped up in making sure I handle this transition carefully, I hadn’t given much thought to the pressure it was putting on you.” Rowan reached out to take my shoulders in his hands. He stroked his palms down my arms, and I pulled my hands out from my pocket, allowing Rowan to grasp them with his own.
“I’m sorry,” I said again in a quiet voice. “I knew this was difficult for you, but I guess I wasn’t expecting this to be so difficult for me as well.”
“It’s a shit situation all around, to be fair.” Rowan smiled softly. There was a heavy pause before I spoke the words I had been dying to say for weeks now.
“I love you, too.”
Rowan’s shoulders sagged slightly. “Thank fuck for that.” He tugged me into a rough embrace, and I buried my face into his neck. His body was so firm against mine and it felt better than anything in living memory. When he eventually pulled apart, Rowan quickly took my face in his hands and kissed me. I returned it eagerly.
“Do you still want to make the most of our evening?” I asked between kisses.
“Sounds good to me.”
???
An hour or two later, after a round of truly mind-blowing sex, Rowan and I lazed in my bed, simply enjoying the feeling of being skin-to-skin. He rested his head against my chest, stroking my stomach with his hand.
“Your birthday is coming up,” I said, turning my head to press a kiss against Rowan’s hair. “Do you have any plans? I don’t suppose I’ll be seeing you, but—”
“We can do something,” Rowan replied quickly. “I certainly won’t be doing anything with anyone else.”
“Really? Won’t Christina do anything? Or at least wonder where you’re disappearing to?”
Rowan shrugged. “We don’t have any plans with one another. I’ll just tell her I’m going to the gym, or something. She barely acknowledges me as it is. My birthday will be no exception.”
