“I did. Do you dispute the facts I shared with you? Or take issue with my attitude toward your late husband?”
“No. No, my lord, I do not. I have no cause to doubt your account.”
“Thank you. And you asked me then if I was marrying you from some misplaced sense of vengeance. I believe I assured you that was not the case.”
“You did, my lord. I have never thought that.”
Apparently satisfied on these points at least, Stefan makes no further comment. He waits in silence as I gather my thoughts once more.
“You may also recall I was keen to know what had been the fate of the children in the chapel.”
He nods, remaining silent.
“You asked if any of the children were mine, and I said they were not.”
“And I now know with absolute certainty that they could not have been. You were a virgin on our wedding night.”
“You know better than most that a family can be more complex than that. You too love a child who is not yours by birth.”
He frowns, and I discern understanding start to dawn. Still he does not help me out here. The silence lengthens between us as I make an earnest study of my hands.
Stefan reaches for my chin and cups it in his palm. He lifts my face, forcing me to meet his gaze once more.
“Tell me. Say the words. Make me understand this.”
His tone is low, demanding, but not unkind. I take courage from that.
“I have a stepdaughter. Sophia. She, she is three years old…”
“Chapelle’s child?”
I nod, blinking back tears, silently pleading with him for—what? For his permission to grieve I suppose, to set aside his hostility and allow me to express my loss and mourn it.
“Why did you not tell me of this before? Why keep this matter to yourself when I can see the distress it has caused you? It has not been for the want of opportunity, I have asked repeatedly what was causing your unhappiness and you continued to deny aught was amiss.”
“I was afraid. Afraid of what you might do. You hated my husband, Sophia’s father. You still do, and I accept you have sound reason for that. I know now that you are a just and fair man, but on that terrible day I had no notion of what was to happen, how the day would unfold or what fate awaited any of us. I did not know what you might do, to me or to the daughter of your enemy if you knew she was within your grasp. I feared the worst so I kept silent.”
I halt, tears streaming unchecked down my cheeks as I try to voice the unthinkable. It is so clear to me now that Stefan would not have injured Sophia, he would never do that. But then, on that awful day, I did not know. I really did not. And by the time I better understood the nature of the man who was my husband, my stepdaughter was gone, already on her way to Vienna.
“So, let me be sure I have the right of this. You believed I would exact my revenge for the death of my brother on a small child, a blameless child, even after the true culprit was long dead. Out of what? Spite? Did you perhaps consider me cruel? Given to acts of mindless savagery?” He narrows his eyes in disbelief. “I know I was hard on you that day, and the day that followed perhaps, but did I truly create such an impression?”
I shake my head, sobbing in earnest now. “No, my lord. Well, yes, at first, perhaps, in the confusion, the horror and despair, amid all that was happening. But not as I came to know you. I quickly realised that you would not harm me, and that you would not have harmed a child. But by then Sophia was already gone, sent to the emperor’s court. I was married to you, against my wishes, terrified of what the future might hold. Please, please tryto imagine how it was for those of us trapped in the castle when it fell. I expected to die that day, I truly did. I was near enough paralysed by fear, beyond reason. My instinct was to hide, to protect. To survive. I made bad choices, I see that now, but desperation will do that.”
I am weeping now, transported back into the nightmare that was that day, but this time with the liberty to succumb to my feelings in a manner that I could not have afforded then. When we were first conquered, I suppressed my feelings, my almost blind panic, and I did what I had to do, for myself, for Sophia, for such others I might be able to help. Now, the danger is passed, the floodgates are opened, and I let it all out.
Stefan’s arms are around me. I am amazed, I did not expect his tenderness, not now, not over this. Yet I have it. His voice is in my ear, murmuring, comforting, assuring.
“Cry, little one. Let it go. It is over. I have you, you are safe now.”
I cling to his tunic, and somehow crawl into his lap. He is rocking me, childlike, in his arms. I continue to sob, for the little girl I have lost, and for the life here I may yet lose if Stefan cannot find it in him to forgive me.
“I am sorry. I should have trusted you. From the very beginning, I should have known…”
“Shhhh, love. How could you have known? Later, yes. But not at first. I know that. I understand that.”
“I was wrong. I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?”
“I always do, always will. Eventually. This will be fine. We will make it fine between us, my little Tally.”
