At last, gulping, I manage to raise my ravaged face to his beautiful one again. From somewhere my husband has produced a kerchief, which he uses to wipe the tears from my cheeks. His touch is gentle, loving. I do not deserve it.
“Are you angry?” He has not said so, and his actions do not suggest it.
“Nay, sweetheart, at least not for the reasons you are thinking. I am not best pleased with you, but we will get to that. First, I wish to know more of this child. Sophia, did you say?”
I nod.
“And she is what? Three years old?
“She will be four in the spring.”
“She must have been very young when you married her sire.”
“But a few months old. I became her mama. The only one she knew.”
“It is clear that you care deeply for her. You remained close then, after her father’s death?”
“Yes. Sophia became a ward of the Hohenzollern court, but Susanna allowed me to remain there too. The princess is but a distant cousin of mine, though she was kind to me.”
“And all was well, until the imperial army arrived to storm the castle?”
“Yes. I suppose that is so. I always knew a time would come when we would be separated, but I had hoped…” I hesitate as tears threaten once more.
“You lost more than just your home that day, my sweet, I see that now. I wish I had known earlier. I could have offered you reassurance.”
“I should have trusted you, I see that now. Berthe trusted you, she told me I could talk to you.”
“You should have listened to her. You see, my love, I can appreciate your reasons for concealing the full facts from me whilst we were still at Hohenzollern. I am not entirely without wit or imagination, I can appreciate the trauma of conquest, particularly for women and children. Your assessment of me was wrong, but I can understand how you arrived at it and I do not blame you for your secrecy that day. I was not especially gentle in my handling of you. I required you to comprehend the true nature of your new situation and to submit to it so my treatment of you may have been heavy-handed. I made you fear me, and this was a consequence.
“But you did not fear me for long, not really. Certainly by the time we arrived here I believe we were on a more, shall we say affectionate footing? You saw that I had children too, you know how I feel about them. You could not still have been harbouring doubts as to Sophia’s safety at my hands.”
“No, my lord.”
“So, why did you not tell me? I asked you, and you lied to me. On several occasions.”
“I am sorry. Please, forgive me.”
“Why, Tally?”
“Because it was already too late. Sophia was gone, I would not see her again. And, you and I were starting to become close. Closer. I did not want to spoil that.”
“Honesty and trust enrich a relationship. They do not spoil it.”
“I know, but I did not want to displease you. You told me that I was to be a mama to your children, to Clare especially. I did not think you would appreciate my affections being split.”
“But they were split, whether I knew it and appreciated it or not. Is that not the case?”
“I suppose so, but I swear I have never neglected my responsibilities here. I would not do that.”
“I know you would not. I have no complaints on that score. What I do take issue with, Tally, is your continued attempts to evade telling me the truth. I need you to understand your fault in that regard, and to accept the consequences of it.”
I know what that means. He intends to punish me. It will hurt, but I will learn from it. And after, it will be done with. God willing. I meet his gaze.
“I understand, my lord. Do you wish me to accompany you to ourchamber?”
“No. You will meet me there shortly. First, you will go to the coppice I mentioned earlier and cut several switches. I leave the selection up to you, but be assured I intend to teach you a memorable lesson and I expect your full cooperation in that. If I am less than satisfied with your choices and forced to make my own trip down to the woods, I will exact retribution for my trouble, on top of that which you have already earned. Do I make my wishes entirely clear?”
“Yes, my lord. Perfectly clear.”
