Mark staggered out to kiss Lucas goodbye atthe door, then went to the kitchen and found the salad.Maybe Lucascould skip meals without really noticing, but Mark’s stomachexpected regular attention, and he was hungry.
The phone rang as he was finishing his firstbowl and considering a second.Call display showed his mother’snumber and he had to remind himself that he’d told Lucas he’d waitbefore revealing his secret.Now that he’d decided to do it, he wasimpatient to get it over with.But he wouldn’t, not until he’dwarned Lucas what was coming.
So he answered the phone with a casual, “Hi,Mom,” and waited for her chipper response.It didn’t come.Instead,there was a long silence, and then something that sounded like along, quavering breath.“Mom?”
“Mark,” she finally said.“It’s…your father.”Another long pause as the salad in Mark’s stomach churned and sank.“He…he had another stroke.A series of them, they say.He’s… Mark,he’s gone.”
Mark sank down onto the stool and waited forthe words to make sense.It wasn’t until he felt the tears runningdown his cheeks that the loss truly registered.His father wasdead.
ChapterForty-Three
Lucas hated taking time off from the farm.He’d left the halfway house at the crack of dawn to get to the citybefore the traffic and he was hoping to go back out to work in theafternoon if he made it home in time.It wasn’t that he thoughtthey couldn’t get by without him.He knew they could.Elise hadmanaged just fine on her own for years, and Alex was good for thegrunt work.But Lucas missed the place.It was important to him,even if he wasn’t that important to it.
But Sean was important too, and Mrs.Gage hadsaid that he was ready for a visit whenever Lucas could make itdown.She’d started to cry when he’d asked about Sean’s conditionand he hadn’t pressed.So he wasn’t really sure what he was goingto find when he made it to the city, although he had a feeling itprobably wasn’t going to be too good.Mrs.Gage wasn’t the “tearsof joy” type.
He parked the truck and wished Mark was withhim.Mark was good at this sort of thing.He’d know what to say,how to act.And even if he’d just sat in the truck and made Lucasgo in on his own, Lucas would still have known he was nearby,waiting.
But Mark wasn’t there, and Sean was waiting.So Lucas made his way into the hospital, negotiated the complicatedpath to Sean’s room, and took a deep breath before leaning his headthrough the open door.There were four beds in the room, all ofthem occupied.Stacey Gage was sitting beside the bed by thewindow, and she looked relieved when she saw Lucas.
“Sean!”she said.Her voice was too bright,too loud.“Look who’s here!”
Sean didn’t move his head.He just keptstaring straight ahead.Lucas moved a little closer and saw thetubes and wires and bandages.It took him a little longer totranslate the bundles and bulges on Sean’s lower half, but after ablink and a bit of time Lucas realized that Sean’s legs endedsomewhere in the middle of his thighs.
It was hard to understand, somehow.Thoselegs that had carried Sean on so many adventures with Lucas.Thelegs that had wrapped around him in wrestling matches, nudgedagainst his under so many beer-covered tables.The legs had beenpart of Sean, and Sean had been part of Lucas.And now they weregone.
“Shit,” Lucas said softly.Sean turned whenhe heard the familiar voice.His face was thin and strained, andpart of his head was shaved, showing a row of dark stitchesstretching from his ear to somewhere out of sight.“Sean.Shit.I’mso sorry.”Lucas blinked hard and willed the tears to stay in hiseyes where they belonged.This wasn’t about him, it was about Sean,and Lucas had no right to turn into a blubbering mess.
Sean turned away again.He took a quaveringbreath.“You came,” he finally said.
“I came by before too.Before they moved you.Your mom said she told you about that.And this is the first dayyou’re supposed to be having non-family visitors, she said.”
“When did you turn into non-family?”
Lucas didn’t know how to respond.It was aquestion that didn’t have a simple answer.It seemed cheap to saythat it had happened when Sean had kicked him out of the house andthen beaten him up.Lucas had been the one who’d pushed Sean to doall of that.“I’m sorry,” he said instead.“I guess I should havecome sooner.I didn’t know you’d want to see me.”
“Maybe I don’t,” Sean said.He was silent fora while, then turned his head toward his sister.“Can you take abreak, Stacey?Let me talk to Lucas for a bit?”
“Sure,” she said.She seemed relieved to begetting out of the room.
Lucas took her place in the chair by thewindow.He was suddenly aware of his own legs, strong and solid ashe stretched them out in front of him.He shifted around and bentthem under the chair, then said, “This sucks, man.I don’t knowwhat to say besides that.I’m really sorry.”
“There’s nothing else to say.”Sean liftedhis hand, trailing the IV tube behind it, and rubbed his temple asif his head ached.Lucas was sure the man had to be on some seriouspainkillers, but maybe they weren’t quite enough.
“Is there anything I can do?”
“There’s nothingtodo.”
“Yeah.I guess not.”Lucas gripped the armsof the chair and resisted the urge to just bolt out of the door,out of the hospital, and as far away as his intact legs would carryhim.
They sat in silence for a while.When Seanfinally started talking it was as if he were speaking to someonefar away.“They want to give me counseling.Want me to see ashrink.”
“Well, yeah.That makes sense, doesn’t it?Like, someone who could help you adjust to all this?”
“No.Not for that.”Sean sighed.“Well, yeah,probably for that too.But for…the accident.I guess I…I don’tremember.I guess I was talking pretty crazy beforehand.That’swhat the guys are saying.They kept quiet for a few days but thensomebody talked to my mom and once she got at them they allspilled.”
Lucas had the feeling he was walking intosomething even bigger, even worse than he’d expected.“Crazy how?”he asked carefully.
“I guess I was talking about killing myself.”Sean still seemed detached from the conversation and Lucas couldn’ttell whether it was because of the drugs or because of somethingelse.
