That was enough of a distraction.They werestanding in the central foyer, the meeting room behind them, themain church doors to the side.Alex looked around to be sure no onewas close enough to hear, then stage whispered, “I met a guy!”
Yeah, that was what Mark had thought.Hesmiled at the younger man’s excitement.“Where’d you meet him?What’s he like?”
“He works at the farm.You know, Elise’splace, with the rescue animals?She hired him.He’s been there acouple weeks.”Alex nodded enthusiastically, then made an obviouseffort to cool down.“He’s a bit older.I’m not sure how old,really.He doesn’t talk much.But he’s really nice.And so cute!Kind of scruffy, but with these fantastic cheekbones and reallygreen eyes.And he’s cut.He had his shirt off the other day and Ialmost passed out, I swear.”
Mark nodded through the blur of information.“And he likes you back?Just how old are we talking, here?”
“I told you, I don’t know how old.Out ofschool, I guess, ’cause he works during the day.”Alex’s manner wasbecoming more genuinely subdued now.“And I don’t know if he likesme back.I mean, he smiles when he sees me.He likes me, I think.But I don’t know if helikesme.”He paused then shook hishead dramatically.“I don’t know if he’s even gay.He didn’t freakout when I said I was, and he gave me kind of a weird look when Iasked if he had a girlfriend, but that’s not really enough to goon, right?”
“No, not really.”Mark wasn’t going to givethis kid gaydar advice, or dating advice of any sort.He reallywasn’t qualified.“But you’ve been honest with him, so he knowsit’d be safe to share with you if he wants to.If he has anythingto share.Right?”
“Yeah.And I keep bringing it up…you know,making opportunities for him to say something, if he wanted.”
Mark could imagine how that would go, withAlex’s traditional enthusiasm and lack of subtlety.The poor guy atthe farm must not know what hit him.“Maybe it’s best to just focuson being friends for a while.You can get to know each other andsee what comes of it.”
“Like it’s that easy!I told you, I almostpassed out when he took his shirt off because it got wet, and nowI’ve been practically stalking him with the hose, spraying himevery chance I get.”
“Okay, Alex, you need to cool down a little.Not with a water hose.”Mark sighed.“Try to think about thingsfrom this guy’s perspective.You’ve made it clear that you likehim, right?If he hasn’t acted on it, for whatever reason, you needto respect that.Maybe he’s straight—and, let’s face it, that’sstatistically likely—or maybe he’s already in a relationship, ordoesn’t want one right now, or—”
“Or maybe he just doesn’t want one with me.”Alex flopped against the nearest wall, his earlier excitementturned into almost comical dismay.
Mark didn’t feel like humoring the kid’sdramatics.“Yes, that’s also possible.Maybe he’s just notinterested in you.And if that’s the case, you need to respect hisdecision, not…” Mark paused for a moment until he was sure the grinwouldn’t be heard in his voice.“Not sneak around with a hose andtry to soak his shirt for your viewing enjoyment.”
Alex nodded reluctantly.“Yeah.Okay.Seriously, though, you should see him.He’s so…I don’t even knowhow to say it.It’s like he’s strong and adult and really funnysometimes, but then there’s a sad little boy that sneaks through alittle, and I just want to give him a hug and tell him everything’sgoing to be okay.”Alex grinned quickly.“And if that hug happenedto turn into a more intense form of physical contact…”
There was something niggling in the back ofMark’s mind, some connection he was almost making, but not quite.Something about a sad little boy…and amazing green eyes… He felthis stomach lurch.“What’s his name, Alex?”
Alex grinned widely.“Luke.Isn’t that anexcellent name?It’s in the Bible, right?But it’s not tooold-fashioned sounding, like Ezekiel or something.”
“Lucas Cain?”Mark said sharply, and Alexfrowned in puzzlement.
“I actually don’t know his last name.It’s onmy list of things to find out.But ‘Lucas’, yeah.That’s what Elisecalls him.Why?Do you know him?”
Mark took a deep breath and tried to soundcalmer.“No.Not really.”That was true, at least.But what else?What else did Mark have to say about Lucas Cain, and what right didhe have to say any of it?He tried to dredge up some of his oldanger or at least a dose of righteous indignation, but he felt onlysorrow.One life had been lost.It wouldn’t help anything foranother one to be wasted.But there was more at stake here thanCain’s happiness—there was an innocent boy to consider.“If he’swho I’m thinking of, I think he’s quite a bit older than you.Andmaybe he’s had some trouble, some reasons why he wouldn’t want toget involved with someone younger than him.I think it might begood if you could find someone else to have a crush on.”
“A crush?Why is it always a ‘crush’ whensomeone my age falls in love?Why can’t the older generation acceptthat our feelings are real, and strong?”
“Maybe because we’ve been your age and beenthrough all the same things.Or maybe”—and Mark fixed his steeliestgaze on Alex—“maybe it’s because you don’t know anything about thisguy, including his history, his age, his sexual orientation, or hislast name.”
That set Alex back, but only for a moment.“Those are just details,” he said loftily.“Did Romeo and Julietknow each other’s last names?”
“Have you read that play, Alex?Because, yes,they knew each other’s last names.It was the central source ofconflict.”
“Someone else, then!”Alex waved his arms asif to distract Mark from the lack of evidence.“The point is, I’vespent time with him.Quality time.And we have a connection.I canfeel it.That’s the important thing.”
“It’s important,” Mark agreed softly.“It’sanimportant thing.But it’s not all there is to thinkabout.”
Alex stared at him for a moment, then shookhis head in sad realization.“You’ve never been in love.”
“Alex, come off it!”Mark’s voice was tooloud, his reaction too strong for the situation.Apparently the kidhad struck a nerve.“You’re sixteen years old!You’ve got a crushon some guy you know nothing about, based mostly on his looks andthe fact that he didn’t react badly when you told him you were gay.That’s not love, Alex!”He managed to lower his voice.“It’s notnothing.It’s exciting, and fun, and I don’t want to ruin it foryou.But don’t get carried away, okay?”
“‘Don’t get carried away’?”It wasn’t quitemockery in the boy’s voice, but the level of amazement was enoughto make Mark feel he’d said something absurd.“You don’t get it.Iwantto get carried away.Always!That’s how I want to live.I was scared shitless when I was in the closet, always worryingabout who was going to suspect, or worse, who was going to findout.But I did the hard work, and I was honest with everyone.Withmyself.”Alex smiled, but his gaze was fierce.“You helped me withthat, and I’m not forgetting it.ButIdid it.I did itbecause I didn’t want to be afraid, and I didn’t want to have to becareful all the time.So now that I’m out?I absolutely want to getcarried away!”
The enthusiasm shone out of the boy like abeacon and Mark couldn’t bring himself to say anything that mightdim that glow.“Be careful,” he managed, but the words didn’taffect Alex.
“You should meet him,” the boy said.“Thenyou’d really understand.”
“That’s not necessary.”Or advisable.Probably not even allowed—Terry had made it clear months ago thatthere was to be no contact between Mark and Cain, and circumstanceshadn’t really changed.“I do understand.My memories may be dimmedby my advanced age, but they’re there.”
