"It could be us," he said, then flinched. "I mean the three of us, because that came out wrong. But I kinda wanted to talk to you about this because - "
"Well, this looks serious!" J.D. called across the yard.
We both flinched, turning around to see him sauntering across the grassy patch that separated the house from this littlepond. A wave of guilt hit me, because what we'd been talking about had been serious. When I glanced over at Tanner, he looked like he'd just been busted.
It made J.D. move a little faster. There was a bit of a skip to his step. It wasn't quite a limp, but it proved he was hurting. I also couldn't remember him hitting his vape this morning, which would explain that. Still, if he felt good enough to go without it, even if he ached a bit, that meant he was doing alotbetter than I'd expected.
"What's wrong?" he asked when he was close enough.
"We were sorta talking about the future," I admitted.
J.D. let out a heavy sigh, then claimed the end of the chair where Tanner's legs should've gone. Like this, that put both of them facing me, so I twisted a bit, sitting more on my hip than my butt. That meant I could actually watch them as we talked.
"The PBR isn't the most important thing to me anymore," I said, deciding to start this off bluntly.
J.D.'s eyes narrowed. "What is?"
I glanced at Tanner, then back. "I think it's us, J.D."
His head snapped over to Tanner, then back to me. "Like... For real?"
I nodded. "Is that ok?"
"So are you quitting?" he asked.
I murmured and tilted my head, weighing that. "I don'twantto."
And J.D. instantly relaxed. "Gotcha. So, the PBR is still important, just not the most important?"
"I started this," Tanner fessed up. "I was telling her that I'd be ok with staying home. You know, getting something ready for us for when you two are done chasing bulls across the country. Maybe haying, maybe ranching. I dunno, but I can't afford to do it on my own, J.D."
"Naw, I got it," he said so casually.
But that was the thing. J.D. agreed to pay for an entire farm, livestock, and equipment with as much care as he did buying one of us a drink. That one little phrase, and his lack of concern or thought before he'd tossed it out? It made me realize exactly what all his money meant to him.
Nothing.
Once, he'd told me he understood where I was coming from when I said I had to do this. That I needed to ride bulls because I needed the check. When I'd bitched because I wasn't playing around, and I wanted to actually win, get sponsors, and make money at this. He'd understood, and now here he was, acting like money didn't fucking matter at all - because it didn't.
We did. This did. I couldn't even imagine how much he'd paid for this place, and he was adamant it wasn't his. This was his mother's home. He wanted one of his own. A different one. For him, money was a way to make life comfortable, nothing more and nothing less.
And I liked that. I wanted that. Ilongedfor that sort of life, so long as it came with comforts, not worry. I didn't need to be rich. I didn't give a shit if anyone else thought my house, or truck, or stuff was fancy. I just wanted a place where I could wake up happy, and these two men had become it. They'd become my goal, not some entertainment along the way.
"The real question," I said, watching J.D. closely, "is what you want."
"And not knowing is a fair answer," Tanner added.
J.D. just looked down at his hands.
Chapter 35
"I don't wanna letthem win," he said.
"And?" Tanner pressed.
But I was hanging on his words, wondering if I'd jumped the gun on my feelings. "And how do we fit into that?" I begged.
A whimsical little smile touched his lips, but it vanished just as fast. "Y'all are why I don't wanna let them win. I mean, I was winning. I had it all, and I coulda kept doing this forever, get me? The bull shit?" He chuckled. "The shit on the bulls, I mean. Riding them and all. Yeah, that ain't hard."
