"What do I do?" he asked. "Cy, how do I fix this?"
"You don't say a thing about it," I told him. "Right now, she's ok. She's not cutting, and she's not wanting to. The rest? That's kinda my job, and I'm going to take care of her." I scrubbed at my mouth. "You know I probably won't have my own kids, right?"
He gave me a confused look. "Why not?"
I just grunted and glared at him. "Really? I was about to marry aguy. Kinda hard to make kids when I'm blowing my load in someone's ass."
He ducked his head and actually laughed. It sounded almost desperate. "Ok, point. Sorry, I didn't think that through."
"I want kids, though. Used to talk to Kindle about adopting."
"Kindle?" Luke asked. "Shit, did he wear sweater vests?"
"Suits." I shrugged. "And he was, without a doubt, gay as hell. Little black frame glasses, the whole bit. Needless to say, it didn't work out." Letting out a heavy breath, I leaned over my knees. "Just let me take care of Faith, ok? I need you to trust me with her. There will be things I won't tell you, but it's for her good. That will always come before yours."
"Yeah, I get that," he agreed.
"I just want to make sure that I'm only being paranoid about her stepfather. I think we got the cutting handled, and she's not showing signs of active depression, but she will. She's almost a teenager, but we can handle that. I don't like medicating kids, but if nothing else is working, or not working fast enough, I will." I looked over at him. "But her bright spot is you. Both times we've talked, she brags you up. You hung the stars in the sky, so far as she's concerned."
He nodded, staring at the floor, and couldn't quite seem to stop. "Cy, when you become a dad, it's the craziest thing ever. They hand you this little, helpless thing, and you have to keep her alive. You have to pad all the hard corners, and somewhere in there, you have to figure out when to stop. There is nothing in this world that matters more to me than her. Not my family, not Violet, nothing. And I don't know how to deal with this."
"You ask for help," I told him. "That's all you need to do. Doesn't matter if we're fighting about something else, trying to ignore stupid shit we did, or any of that. If you need help, shit stops, and we help. Look at me and Ash. Thirteen years since I last talked to him - well, more than pleasantries. More than a decade, but Gran died, and Violet needed us, so our shit's on hold."
He dragged his tongue around the inside of his cheek. "So, can I ask about that shit?"
"Long story short, he told me he was leaving, I was young and dumb so told him I wanted to be with someone else, he made sure I paid for it, and we both ended up with broken hearts and hurt feelings. The only reason we ever talked again was her."
He glanced over. "You love her, huh?"
"Shit. That's not a safe thing to tell her boyfriend."
"Not quite her boyfriend. I think Ashton calls me her boy-toy. I already know the answer, but I kinda want to hear you say it."
"I love her more than life itself," I said softly. "If you asked me which of them I love more, I couldn't tell you. They're a matched set, you know? The male and female aspects of perfection. Ash and I are working things out, but her? I never was able to do anything about it. She was fourteen and I was sixteen. Just a kid, and I couldn't stop dwelling on the things that made her too young. Then she was sixteen and I was eighteen. Not legal, and Southwind only fixes shit we did when we were kids."
"What'd you do?" he asked. "Tell me to fuck off, but no one talks about that."
"Um..." I cleared my throat. "I was arrested at fourteen for solicitation. It was how I got out."
He reached over and rubbed at my shoulder. "Pretend like I have no idea what that means."
"I came out to my parents, thinking I was gay, when I was thirteen. Dad kicked me out. I was in Houston. Made my way downtown, and some man offered me a hundred and fifty bucks to take it up the ass. Lived behind a dumpster, turning tricks for ten months before I got busted. The cop who took me in? He took me to a hospital first, had them run tests to make sure I didn't catch anything. Same man was a witness at my trial, and said I was just a kid who needed a second chance. Was kinda how I ended up at Southwind. He sent my file to Vera, and Bea drove down to pick me up. Probably the only reason I'm still alive."
"I'm sorry," Luke said.
I just nodded. "Yeah. Prolly not the worst story you'll hear in this place. I got a whole diagnosis on myself about abandonment issues, fear of attachment and shit. Kinda why I became a shrink. When I was a kid, Violet used to talk to me. She'd just listen, and she'd tell me I was still worth something, and it mattered more than you know. This is kinda my way of paying it forward."
"So, Faith's going to be ok?" he asked.
I nodded. "One way or another. I do want to meet her mom and stepdad, though."
He nodded. "I'll set it up. Maybe have you come with me to pick her up next week? The truth is that Meredith was raised that a good woman is one who doesn't work. It's her version of success. She keeps trying to teach Faith that, but yeah. And Brody?" He huffed. "The man is more than ten years older than Meredith. He's got this cute younger woman who cooks and cleans. And he's not the kind of guy who could pick up a girl on his own. You know the type."
"Yeah, I do," I agreed. "Little too nerdy to even manage saying hi, and once he starts talking, doesn't know how to shut up?"
"Bingo," Luke said. "He's harmless, though. Awkward as fuck around kids, but he's not any better around me."
"Just humor me?" I begged.
