"We'd need a square baler," he explained. "Easier to store, harder to stack, but don't have the equipment."
"You know where to find that stuff?"
"Yeah." He flashed me a smile. "And I can get you some numbers. Might take a few days, but we've got about three weeks before we'll need to cut again. More if it doesn't rain."
"Damn. Didn't realize haying was that big of a deal." I grabbed two big chunks and carried them back to the horses. "What do you know about this guy your ex is marrying?"
"Not a lot, actually," Luke admitted. "He's just about forty, give or take a few years. Guy works in the Metroplex - Plano, I think? Yeah, and he's some network admin for one of the telecommunications companies. Nortex, Nortel, Nor-something. There's too many to keep track of."
That didn't give me much to go on. "He a townie?"
"Mm, moved here about seven years ago? I'm guessing at that. Has a house over in that GreenWood community. Acre lots, has a homeowners’ association, pretty lawns. That kinda place. Nothing fancy, but they like to pretend it is. All the houses are under two thousand square feet. Theirs is yellow with white trim, and Meredith thinks it's just the 'cutest ever.' I know because she tells me every chance she can get. Why?"
I decided to just be honest - in a gentle sort of way. "Faith just said something, and I'm trying to get a read on him. I get the impression she doesn't like him. Was just wondering if that's stepdad angst or something we need to actually worry about."
"What aren't you saying?" he asked, forgetting all about feeding his horses.
So I grabbed one of the buckets he'd filled with grain, getting him back into motion. "She said those two fight a lot. She hates it and it makes her uncomfortable. The guy keeps sending her to her room when Meredith isn't there. Things like that."
"Uh huh." Luke headed for Cricket's stall, so I went to Storm's. "So, what are you worried about?"
"Look," I said, dumping the grain and then turning back to him. "She's made a few comments that make me want to watch the guy. I'd like to meet him, if you can set that up?"
"Why?" Luke demanded, closing the distance just to snag the bucket from my hand. "Talk to me, Cy. That's my kid you're talking about."
"He pets her hair," I said. "Could be nothing. Could be a big fucking red flag, and I like your kid. A lot, Luke. Faith's an amazing girl. She's got enough shit to worry about, so I'm worrying for her."
But in trying to make this easier, I'd accidentally said too much. He tossed the buckets toward the bin of grain and stormed back toward me. "What shit?"
"Last time we started pushing each other around it, what's the phrase you used? Western?"
"Got western," he corrected. "Little on the wild side." Then he sighed. "What shit, Cy?"
"Is your brain working, or are you gonna do something stupid before I can finish talking to you?" I asked.
"No promises," he said. "Figure if it gets western, though," and he huffed in amusement, "then you'll just throw me against a wall again."
"Least you're talking about it," I said. "Look, Faith has a few things piling up. Her mother's getting married, and while that doesn't seem to bother her, it means she's unhappy because she's spending more time alone. She feels isolated. I gave her my number in case she needs to talk, but it sounds like her last year at school wasn't easy. A lot of bullying, and it got to her."
"Yeah, it did," Luke admitted. "They called her things like 'thunder thighs.' Made her hate herself. She tried to go on a starvation diet around the time Violet moved here, but that seems to have faded. She was pretty depressed for a while, but her mother said she just needed to suck it up. I wanted her to talk to someone, but I can't fucking afford it."
"Well, she was cutting." I caught his arm just as his head snapped up. "Was. I can't say she won't do it again, but I asked her about it today, and she said she didn't want to all week. Not that she stopped herself, but she didn't even want to."
"Fuck." Luke's body slumped, then he pulled away, heading to the hay to drop onto it a little too hard. "How bad?"
"This is the part where things might get western," I warned him. "She didn't offer that up. I was warned." I moved to stand before him, ready to catch this man if he tried to rush past me. "The day Violet realized you had a kid? Yeah, she'd just met Faith in the bathroom. Saw her dabbing at some marks on her belly. Hip, I think." I tapped my own flank to show what I mean. "I haven't seen them, but Violet did, she knew what it was, and she gave her liquid bandage to close them up. Faith said they were cat scratches, but she was talking to the wrong person."
"Violet knew and didn't tell me?"
I nodded. "Because she promised Faith it would stay between them, and Faith's holding her to that. Violet's between a rock and a hard spot. Luke, of all the people in the world, she's the one you want on your kid's side."
He bobbed his head, making no attempt to get up. "Yeah, she said she was bullied as a kid. Evidently I carried her to the nurse, but it was the same day I found out Meredith was pregnant, so I barely remember it."
"You know she used to cut?" I asked. "That's how she knew what the marks were."
"No," he admitted. "Why? Why would someone do that?"
"Well..." I moved to sit on the hay bale beside him. "Our brains aren't efficient. There's this part inside there that only knows how to fight or flee. When things get bad, it kicks in. It's the reason for PTSD and shit like that. It's why you want to punch a man who's touching your girl. You know how you had to leave after I screwed up? Yeah, that's the flee part. The 'can't be here' part. Well, when it can't decide, it makes us do stupid shit. Sometimes, you just want tofeelso bad, and cutting lets you feelsomething. May not be good, but something is better than nothing, and it's a fuckload better than suicidal ideation."
