He nodded. "I am. I kinda wanted to talk about something else, too." He paused to shove his boot across the dirt on the floor. "I kinda had a talk with Violet after, you know, the incident."
"Me kissing you." I nodded to show I understood.
"She wasn't upset. Not about you. Not about Ash. Um, she was kinda encouraging me to, I dunno... Mess around?"
"You even want that?" I asked, trying to keep my voice as calm and bland as possible.
Luke wouldn't look at me. "I'm psyching myself up, man. See, the point is that I told her that if that's what she wants me to do, then she should do the same. Which sounds shitty saying it out loud." He sighed, letting his head drop. "She loves you and Ash. You both love her. I think it's one hell of a turn on when I saw you kiss her. Prolly more than you wanted - or not." He grunted, clearly having trouble. "What I'm saying is that I'm not in your way with her. You or Ash. I dunno, just tell me when to stay out of a room or whatever."
"Yeah." I wasn't sure how to take that, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. "You willing to talk about me fucking up the other night?"
His foot scraped across the floor again. "I don't have real friends, Cy. Not people who get me. People who actually care about the things I think or say. I got some guys I drink beers with, some others I go to the bars and pick up chicks with. Mostly, it's just me and Faith. I go to work, I make enough money to take care of her, and then I do it again. It was nice coming here and having someone I could just hang with. It felt good, and I kinda looked forward to seeing you as much as Violet."
"I'm sorry," I mumbled.
"But that's the thing." He began picking at the hay between his legs. "I can't stop thinking about it. I can still smell you in my mind. The cut grass and diesel. I have no fucking clue what I'm doing. I don't know how to say it, start it, and certainly not finish it. I..." He lifted his hands, palm up, then wiped them on his jeans. "I didn't want you to stop."
I wanted to lean over and kiss him. More than anything, I wanted to wrap my arms around him and tell him it would be ok. I knew better. Either of those would send him running again. Instead, I just watched, waiting to make sure he was done.
"Freaking out?" I asked.
"Yeah, a bit," he admitted.
So I leaned forward just enough to see his face. "You know I can be a friendandmore, right?"
"Like this?" he asked.
"Yeah. Being with a man is a lot different from a woman. Less worrying about impressing, and more getting hand jobs from your best bud. Least the good relationships I've had. But this is me, Luke. I like feeding your horses, working on the tractor, and shit like that. I'm not all clingy and shit. Ash isn't really either. It's why we worked. Our idea of a good date was this, right here."
"What if I hate it?" he asked.
"Then you tell me - or him - to stop. That's it." I shrugged it off. "Maybe it slipped your mind or something, but we weretherewhen you got blindsided. Kindaknowyou're figuring shit out. And we both kinda had to do the same thing. Difference is that we were stuck in our own heads with no one to let us talk it out. You got us and Vi."
He nodded. "Faith can't know."
"Yet," I corrected. "If you decide you're not straight, then she'll figure it out. Even if that's nothing more than looking at some guy's ass, kids pick up on that shit. It's better to talk to her than hide it."
He swallowed a little too hard. "Will you help me with that?"
"Always," I promised. "If I'm with you, if we hate each other, or anything else. If you ask for help, we'll drop everything and help."
He blew out a heavy breath. "Yeah." Then he leaned back. "Am I a dick if I say I want to talk to Violet about Faith cutting?"
"She's in the pool," I told him. "You need something to wear, I'm sure we can find it."
He pushed himself to his feet. "I'm a country boy. We swim in our briefs - unless we're skinny dippin’. I'm good."
"I'll stare," I warned him.
He just took a step back, aiming for the door. "I might like it."
"Fuck," I groaned, reaching down to adjust myself. "You're killing me, Luke!"
He laughed and kept walking. "I might like it."
Chapter Forty-Four
Iwas lying in the pool, leaning back against Ash, when Luke stepped through the back door. He paused to close it behind him, and both Ash and I looked. The night was dark, but the lights from the pool played across his body like a spotlight. Without saying a thing, he moved to the table and pulled off his hat. That went on top. Then he lifted a foot and took off first one boot, then the other. His socks came next in the opposite order.
