“Well, that was fun!” Owen smiles at me, clearly making himself at home. He slips out of his boots, lays his alabaster colored Stetson on the entryway table and leans up against the doorframe, an obnoxious smile plastered across his tan face. Rolling my eyes, I turn back into the kitchen and yank the fridge door open, sucking in the cool air in a hope to calm my nerves.She wouldn’t have shown up to breakfast just to turn around and leave you.Owen’s footsteps echo through the quiet house as he rounds the corner. “Dad needs some help with those heifers today, gotta push them into the pasture a few acres down the hill.”
I take another deep inhale of cool air, grab a Topo Chico and stand up, facing Owen as I unscrew the top. The lime bubbles burst across my tongue, and I wish it was late enough to add some tequila to it. He eyes me with a tilted eyebrow before he smiles at me and calls over his shoulder, making his way to the door and slipping his boots and hat on. “She’ll be back, stop your stressin’. Now come on, work doesn't stop for nobody, especially you.” I flip him the middle finger, his laugh booming off the walls. I send Hannah a text before I toss my phone on the counter and follow Owen out the door.
Time to ride, darlin’. Come find me when you get back.
Dust kicks up behind the herd we’re moving from the pasture, a few acres up from the main house down to the lower pasture by the main gate. I pull my bandana over my nose. The sun beats down on my exposed arms and neck, sweat gatheringin the hair that's glued to my skin beneath the brim of my hat. Ghost shifts back and forth, I can tell he’s missed the energy that comes with living and working on a ranch. Part of me feels selfish for keeping him away. The moment Owen rode up to us on his painted Appaloosa Birdie, he lost it, tossing his mane and damn near throwing me off in his attempt to get to her. Back when I lived here, Ghost and Birdie were inseparable. We’d have to go round them up from the wildflower field whenever they wandered off.
“How’s it feel to be back?” I startle at the sound of my dad’s deep voice from beside me, too lost in my own memories to hear him ride up. I peek over at him from under my hat, watching as he takes his own hat off and runs a blue bandana across his forehead, wiping off a layer of sweat. His eyes shine with a sense of pride at the land in front of him.
“Like I never left,” I say, looking out over the herd moving down the hill. My dad smiles broadly at me, nodding his head. His eyes catch a calf wandering from the herd and he gives me a nod before nudging his horse, Tex, to push it back into the group. As we crest the last hill, I have to pull Ghost to a stop, my breath catching at the river cutting through the grass. This is the spot I have tattooed on my back. It was my favorite part of the seasonal rotation we’d always do, moving one herd to another part of the ranch, then rotating them around every week or so. Owen and I used to sneak off from the group for a swim in the river, letting the cold water wash off a day's worth of dust from our skin. My dad always pretended like he didn’t notice our absence when we’d return, hair dripping and clothes sticking to our damp skin.
“Feel like skinny dipping?” Owen yells across to me as we make our descent down the hill towards the water, rolling lazily around boulders and logs.
“I’ve seen enough of your pale ass in my lifetime, little brother,” I call back, slapping my black chaps at a few stragglers, urging them to pick up their pace and catch up to the herd.
“I didn’t mean with me.” My heart jumps into my throat when he nods over my shoulder and the sound of hooves grows closer. Spinning Ghost around, I stare at the woman riding down the hill towards me. Everything fades away; the itch that’s been building as more dirt gets caked on my skin, the sound of ranch hands whistling to the cows and dogs barking as they circle around. Everything dissipates. I’m transfixed on the way her hair flies wildly around her, contained only by the Mitchell brand rose pink hat she holds tightly on her head with one hand. Queen flies with a grace that never ceases to amaze me. And before I can form any words, Hannah stops beside me, eyes wide as she absorbs this part of the ranch. I watch as her gaze lifts and drifts over the tops of the pines and aspens that line the riverbank. I have to look away in fear that my heart will stop completely when her eyes flick back to me and a smile crinkles the tip of her nose.
“This is…stunning,” she says in awe, looking back over at the herd slowly disappearing into the tree line. “Do you need to catch up?” Hannah motions towards the group behind me, but all I can do is shake my head. I slide off Ghost and reach up to take the reins from her hands, walking our horses to the river edge, then I turn to her. The dust has settled and the sound of the birds and soft humming of bugs fill the air. Her bottom lip disappears between her teeth and it makes my blood heat. Resting a palm on her boot, I slowly run it up over her calf. Without looking away, I keep her eyes on me as I move my hand over her knee and up over her thigh. I give her a soft smile when her leg trembles under me. When I reach her hip, I hold it tightly, “Where did you disappear to today?”
She looks away first, closing her eyes and tilting her head back, the sun radiating off her skin. After a moment, I tug her towards me and she yelps as she slides sideways into my arms. On instinct, her arms fly out and grab onto my shoulders. “You gonna make me guess?” I jostle her in my arms as I take long strides closer to the river. Her brown eyes bounce around my face, her fingers drifting over my neck, making my skin flame at the small touch. “Suit yourself,” I say, giving her a wicked smile before stepping up on a tall boulder and peeling her arms off me, taking her hat in my hand. Her lips stay tucked between her teeth, until I throw my arms out, tossing her into the air. A high pitched scream breaks the silence as she flails mid-air, before landing ass first in the river below us. For a split second, I don’t know how to feel, I just tossed the woman I’m in love with fully clothed into a cold river—when I’m trying to earn her trust back no less.
After a moment, she breaks the surface, gasping for air, trying to wipe her hair off her face. I watch with wide eyes to see what she’ll do next. Then she surprises me when she tilts her head back and laughs, full on hysterical laughing like she’s a teenager again. “You asshole!” she squeals, hitting the water and sending a wave splashing up against the boulder I’m standing on. A few drops land on my boots, so I toe them off and set them behind me.
Hopping from one foot to the other I pull off my socks, “You gonna tell me yet?” I look down at her, floating on her back below me. Without opening her eyes, she simply shakes her head back and forth. With a shake of my head, I make quick work of striping down to my briefs before leaping into the air, my arms wide. I keep them that way until I’m just about to hit the water, then I tuck into a ball and land just off to her side. Even under the calm of the water, I can hear Hannah laugh again and call out for me. Opening my eyes, I look around for her and swimover to her legs, pulling her down under with me. She instantly wraps her legs around me as I push us back to the top, both of us laughing as we fight to catch our breath. The cold water makes her skin pebble. I still remember how she tastes. That demon in me that wants to consume her rears to life, and I can feel him slowly crawling to the surface.
She doesn’t pull away, so slowly I swim us closer to the riverbank, and when I can reach the sandy bottom, I pull her boots off her feet. The pair of us laugh again when I tip each one over and pour handfuls of water out. The water is cold, but with her wrapped around me, I can feel my body heating at her proximity, at the way her body molds to mine, begging me to never let her go. I push the line we’ve drawn between us and slowly run my hands up her spine, threading my fingers into her long hair. Her eyes roll when I tug her head back, baring her throat. My tongue slides up her skin, collecting drops of water as I go. The moment her hips shift and slide over my erection, I lose the control I’ve been holding by a thread. I tighten my grip on her hair, holding her in place with one hand as I rip the neck of her t-shirt. She gasps at the sound of fabric tearing, but rolls her hips over me again and again.
Just around the curve of the river is a large rock with a ledge carved into it. My mama used to sit there and read while Owen and I swam as kids. Keeping my arms wrapped around Hannah and my lips sealed to hers, I push us through the water and lift her onto it. Resting my forehead on her chest, I relax into her, soaking in every good thing that she has brought into my life. Her fingers drag through my hair, sparking life back into me. Her shirt is ripped down the front almost to her navel, and I give her lip a tug between my teeth. I grip the ripped edges tightly and tear it all the way down, leaving her bare chest open in front of me. I suck in a breath and look up at her lust filled eyes. Slowly, she peels the shirt off her shoulders and lifts her hips,giving me a shy smile and nod of her chin. Popping the buttons, we laugh together as I struggle to tug her jeans off her wet skin.
Once she’s left in nothing but her black thong, I look up at her, hoping she feels how deeply I mean what I say next. “I love you, Hannah.” Kissing up the inside of her thigh I whisper it over and over until her head falls back and she moans my name while I lick her up and down, circling my thumb over her clit. She breaks apart beneath me, fingertips tightening around the edge of the rock, thighs shaking in my hands.
hannah
Hot water rainsdown on me from my place on the shower floor. I stare at the tiled wall until the water begins to run cold. Images of Dean's face buried between my thighs flicker every time I close my eyes. God, he felt so good. His hands ran tenderly over every inch of my skin until he flipped that switch and dominated me, pulling me against his tongue over and over until I fell apart, the hot rock burning into my back as I arched further into his grip. Shaking my head, I try and fail to clear the heat beginning to take over, my sex screaming at me to walk out of my room bare ass naked, seek him out, and straddle him. Every time I think I can pull away from him, put some distance between us to see if what we have is real or just convenient, he sucks me back in. Chills break out over my skin, and I shiver under the water that has now gone cold.
Dressing for bed, I listen for sounds in the house, but all I hear is a steady rhythm of music playing from the living room. I hoped the ride back from the river would be awkward, something to give justification to separate from the man who has stolen my will power. But the moment our breaths had evenedout, Dean hauled me into the water with him and we’d floated lazily until the sun began to dip behind the tops of the trees. We laughed together as our numb fingers fumbled with our clothes. It felt harmonious, right, like we just fall into sync around each other. He’d pulled a sweatshirt out of his saddle bag and tugged it over my head, bending to kiss the tip of my nose before he placed my Mitchell hat back on my wet curls. And then we rode back to the cabin in blissful quiet, just the sound of hooves sinking into black dirt and the birds chirping around us.
It wasn’t until the front door came into view that I began to question how the evening should play out. He’d just had his tongue inside me, for fuck’s sake. Do I climb into the shower with him and fall into his bed? My head raced with every possible scenario, instead we spent thirty minutes in silence putting saddles away and brushing off our horses, clumsily reaching for a bucket of oats at the same time. My cheeks flamed at the brush of his hand on my hip as he passed around me. When he had his back to me, I turned on my heel and didn’t stop until I’d closed my bedroom door behind me. He didn’t come to me, didn’t knock on my door, didn’t sneak into the shower with me. Is he feeling the same way? He told me he loved me, and I didn’t say anything back. Did I mess everything up?
“Fuck!” I scream into my pillow, curling up in the bed and groaning at his smell that still lingers on the sheets. Even through the clean smell of his body wash, the sheets smell like I’ve stepped into a field on a sunny day. I close my eyes and picture standing in knee high brome grass, face tilted to the sun, horses nickering nearby. That’s what he smells like, and I swear my soul cries out for me to run to him and breathe him in every moment of every day. My phone buzzes on the nightstand, thankfully breaking my treacherous train of thought with a text from Matty.
Can’t wait to see you tomorrow, honey! Drive safe.
Letting out a deep exhale, I sink into the pillows. Distance. That’s all we need, then we can address everything after the circuit is done. Figure out how to co-parent and whatever this magnetic pull is that keeps us coming back together.
“Distance.” I nod to myself, trying and failing to convince myself. Setting my alarm, I pray that I leave before he wakes up. Then I roll myself tightly in the covers, hoping that if I trap myself, I won’t wander off to find that dark and tempting cowboy in my sleep.
A silhouette of a tall man dressed in all black, black fringes of his chaps waving in the late summer breeze, a broad hand running through unruly hair, haunts my dreams. Before my alarm even sounds, I’m already wide awake. Giving up, I toss the covers to the side and check my phone, groaning at the early hour. Nibbling my lip, I look out the window at the moonlit pasture and back at the bed. Rolling my eyes, I begin packing my bag, tossing in the clothes I brought in from my trailer and had washed earlier that day. I clean out the bathroom and make the bed before grabbing my leather bag by the handles and tiptoeing to the door. I only open it wide enough for me to slip through, holding my breath that the hinges keep quiet. Soft lights glow from the end tables in the living room, but I don’t see any other lights or hear any movement from the hall that leads to Dean’s room. Softly closing the door behind me, I take long strides to the front door and slip on my boots, cringing at the dampness that seeps into my socks. I mentally chastise myself for not leaving them by the fire to dry.
The early morning chill hits my face as I step outside and silently click the front door shut behind me. I take a momentto admire the endless fields in front of me, sucking in the fresh air like I’ll never taste it again. Then I do my best to ignore the way my heart aches at the idea of leaving this place. I know I’ll be back eventually. My baby needs to grow up here, wild and free like all kids deserve to be raised. Whether Dean and I are together or not. Instinctively, I place a hand over my belly, closing my eyes and allowing myself a moment to picture a life with him and this baby. The idea of it makes me want to turn around and crawl into bed with him. As I wait for the cab to heat up, I look back at the dark cabin and close my eyes, trying to walk through my emotions. Slowly I hold up my hand and list off all the things that stand in the way of me choosing to be with Dean. “Honest.” Half a finger, I guess. I try a few more times to think of anything else that would prevent me from being with him. “Damn it,” I finally admit, that’s the only thing. And if I’m being honest I understand why he wasn’t forthcoming about the fall out with me. Resting my head against the seat, I close my eyes again and list out all the traits that I love about him.
“Patient.” I put one finger up. “Protective.” Two fingers for that. “Dedicated.” Yes. “Hardworking.” Check. I go on and on until I lose count of how many fingers I’ve put up. Dropping my shoulders in defeat, I finallyadmit to myself that yes, I’m all in when it comes to Dean and this baby. I want to forgive him, need to forgive him, and I plan on doing just that. As soon as I finish up this last ride and the clinic, then I can put all my effort into moving forward.
The six hourdrive into Kansas passes in a blur, and before I know it, Matty is waving at me from the entrance as I turn mytrailer into the lot. Rolling my window down, he steps next to my door and leans in, giving me a peck on the cheek.
“Got an early start, I see.” His grin clears out all the thoughts of a stormy eyed cowboy that plagued my long drive. I smile back as he rounds the front of the truck and hops into the passenger seat. Together we park and unload, working together effortlessly like we have for years. Every so often I look over at him and catch him giving me a knowing smirk.
“Ok, old man, spill it.” I turn to him, finally having enough of his sideways glances. I place one hand on my hip and point a finger at him. “What story are you making up in that brain of yours?”
