Matty raises his hands in surrender, putting the brush that rests in his hand gently down on the shelf beside him. “Honey, I’ve known you a long time.” I raise one eyebrow at him. He crosses his arms over his chest and leans against the side of the trailer. “I saw the way that boy looks at you.” He tilts his head to the side, those wrinkled eyes full of amusement. “And the way you look at him. It’s the same way I look at my wife.” I open my mouth to argue, but he cuts me off. “The same way your dad looked at your mama.” My teeth clack together and tears begin to well. “Oh, honey.” In a heartbeat, his arms wrap around me, pulling me into his comfortable embrace, and I let my tears and sobs soak his sleeve.
“I’m so scared.” I heave out between hiccups. I feel his chin nod up and down against my head. “The only people I’ve ever loved ended up…gone. I can’t survive that again.” Matty listens as I explain how confused I am, and when I get to the part about Dean’s family he lets out a deep sigh and pulls his hat off his head to run a hand over his gray hair. “Hannah, family is complicated. Did he lie, or just not tell you the whole truth.”
“Is there a difference?”
“It’s a fine line,” about to prove my point, his large hands raise to stop me. Slumping back against the trailer I close my mouth and listen. “Honey, your feelings are valid. I’m not saying you aren’t allowed to be confused or hurt.” Matty gives me a soft smile, and I feel a weight begin to dissolve from my heavy heart. “Sure he didn’t divulge the whole truth about his family. But sometimes people keep things to themselves to protect their own heart.”
Tilting my head I let loose an exhausted breath, “What do you mean, Matty?”
“We don’t always allow those closest to us to see our bruises, our flaws, faults, and weaknesses. Dean wants you to see the best parts of himself, and maybe he didn’t tell you everything because he didn’t want you to see the side of him that feels shame for how he handled things in the past.” I let those words sink in, feel each one as it wraps around all my insecurities and soothes the pieces of me that are still aching from Dean’s deception.
Closing my eyes I admit for the first time out loud, “I know Dean didn’tlieto me. Matty, it’s my fear of falling again, my fear of losing someone I’ve given my heart to that will no doubt shatter my heart.” I take a deep breath and let a few tears slip down my cheeks. “That is what is really standing in my way.” I look over at the face of someone who has taken the role of my father over the last couple years. His kind eyes look back at me, reminding me that he has never left me. “And, I’m pregnant!” I admit, then run to him and throw my arms around him starting to sob all over again.
“Hannah,” he whispers softly against my temple, tugging me back and tucking my hands in his worn palms. “Do you love him?” There is no hesitation as my head bounces up and down in agreement. “That’s the only answer you need, honey.” Then he smiles at me, pulls me back into his embrace, and holds me while the reality hits me. Love is boundless, it can’t be tamed,can’t be reined in. It will rope you in and buck you off, but we will always go back to it, ready to get hung up over and over again.
The rest of the day passes in a blur, and the weight of keeping this baby a secret has been slightly lifted from my shoulders. Matty and I spend the day prepping for the ride, going over the details for the event in Amarillo, and then he surprises me by tossing out baby names over lunch. I push all thoughts of Dean from my mind, ready to finish out my summer and return to Colorado to finally face the truth that Dean is it for me.
As the stadium fills with people, I watch from the practice arena, looking on while parents corral their kids into seats and shove hot dogs and snow cones into their hands. One mom lets out a sigh of relief as her husband shuffles into the seat next to her, and I smile when he whispers something in her ear that makes her laugh before he leans over the kids’ head and kisses her cheek. A familiar prickle settles between my shoulders, the feeling of eyes on me. I turn in the saddle and spin around, searching for a black hat and bright blue eyes. There’s no way he knows I’m here, I turned off my location. Calming my racing heart, I turn my focus back to the arena and watch the last few events pass by. Every now and then my skin tingles, and I glance around the crowded room. But each time I turn in the saddle and search the crowd, he’s nowhere, yet I still feel him everywhere.
“Hannah!” Tearing my eyes off the sea of people, I turn Queen and see Mallory riding towards me, one hand on her white hat to keep it from blowing off.
“Oh my gosh, I didn’t know you were riding tonight!” I lean across and pull her into a big hug, one she returns. We hold onto each other for a moment too long before someone coughs below us. Pulling apart, I look down and smile at Kasey, who has one leg hooked around the top rung of the fence. “Hi, ladies,” he says with a tip of his hat, making us laugh and roll our eyes at him.
“So are you two finally official?” I eye Kasey, but direct the question at my friend. Mallory tilts her head in question, eyes playfully looking down at her man.
“I think they made it official when they hooked up at the beginning of the summer,” calls Savannah from across the arena, a few other girls whistling in our direction. I don’t even try to contain the laughter that bubbles out of me, feeling light as I relish in the company of the friends I’ve let myself have at last.
“Fine!” Mallory throws her arms in the air. “I like the guy, ok?” Laughs echo around us as Kasey pumps his fist in triumph.
“I’ll see you both after the season, right?” I look between Mallory and Kasey who both nod their heads in approval.
“Definitely.” Mallory smiles over at me, one hand squeezing mine, just as my name blares over the speaker. I give her a warm smile, and wave at Kasey on my way to the starting line.
Pulling my Mitchell hat down low, I grip the reins in my hand, whispering quietly, “We’ve got this, girl.”
My ride was picture perfect, but not quite the first place spot. I bite down on my pride and smile at Matty as I walk up to him sitting on the fender of my trailer.
“You still placed high this summer, shake it off.” I nod my head at him and begin the process of brushing down Queen and getting her ready for our long drive to Amarillo. Since I finished early enough, I plan to drive a few hours before stopping and getting some sleep, then finishing the drive in the morning. Matty and I say our goodbyes, and he turns towards his truck and trailer with the promise of checking in after the clinic in Texas.
My phone lights upwith a text just as I pull off at some run down gas station in the middle of nowhere. My heart leaps with the hope that it’s Dean. He hasn’t texted or called, and I do my best to brush off my disappointment when I see it’s Mallory.
OMG!!! Did you see this?!
A moment later, a link to the social media page of the rodeo I rode in earlier tonight pops up under her text. I click on it and drop my forehead to the steering wheel.
Dean Wilder at it again. Placing first place in Kansas tonight! And from the looks of it, black may not be his favorite color any longer.
With my mouth hanging open, I zoom in on the picture, his body is frozen mid-air, one hand raised above his head, black Resistol hat tipped over his eyes, the black fringe of his chaps swirling around his legs. There on his hip in clear view is my hot pink nail polish heart.He was there.
dean
“Matty!”I shout over the sea of people hurrying towards their trucks as the arena in Kansas empties out. “Matty, hold up!” I skid to a stop and grab his elbow. He turns to face me, his eyes flashing with surprise when he realizes who I am. “Where is she?” I ask in a rush, trying to catch my breath.
I woke up to the sun beating down on me through my open blinds. By the time I realized I left my phone on the counter of the kitchen, I knew I’d slept in late. I barely made it in time to check in—the six hour drive from the ranch felt like it took me six days. Hannah’s truck was already gone when I’d jumped in my own, throwing my bag in the backseat and dialing Owen to let him know I’d be back in a couple days and to take care of Ghost. I’d tried to find a moment to pull Hannah aside, not sure where we stood after how she hauled ass into the cabin yesterday and didn’t come out of her room. I contemplated barging in and making her listen to me, my possessive side pounding against my chest to storm into her room and remind her how good we were together. But I wasn’t sure if tying her to the bedpost and fucking her until she begged me to stop would convince her. Iwas trying to play the long game, and it was killing me. Every time I took a step towards the practice arena, I was pulled into an interview or some conversation with sponsors.
The moment her name was called and I caught a glimpse of Queen bolt down the alleyway, I shoved away from the men in clean boots talking my ear off about a new sponsorship and ran to the fence, pulling myself over the top to watch my woman. I didn’t think she’d take off so soon after; she didn’t have any other rides after this one, and I knew she wouldn’t make the drive back to the ranch this late in the day. At least I hoped that’s where she’d head back to. I planned to convince her to do just that, but after yanking the check out of the announcer's hand and sprinting off stage, her truck was gone. I’d just made out Matty’s bow legged walk down the sidewalk and took off after him before he could disappear into the crowd. Now he stood in front of me, a toothy grin on his face, eyes lit up like he knows a secret.
“Well?” I threw my hands out impatiently, dust flying off my chaps as I shifted on my feet. “You treat my girl right, you hear me?” I reared back at the sudden shift in his demeanor. He crossed his arms and his face slips into a mask of a protective father.
