-D
I tuck the note in my pocket, unsure how to feel about meeting his parents when I’m not even clear on whatweare. I can’t really walk in there and announce that I’m pregnant with their grandbaby when I haven’t even told Dean yet. I shovel spoonfuls of cereal into my mouth while I sink into the couch and pull up my email and texts, anxious to catch up on anything I've missed the past day. A reminder email about my next ride in Kansas this weekend sits unread, so I read through the details and double check my calendar has the right info. Deleting a few spam emails, I swipe out of the app and pull up my texts. I see one from Matty.
Hey hon, I had an old friend call me the other day. He runs a clinic just outside of Amarillo. He asked if maybe you’d like to come out and be a guest presenter. It’s the Wednesday after your ride in Kansas so the drive isn’t too far. What do you think?
I scoop another bite while I type out my reply.
Let’s go out with a bang!
I smile, hitting send. Kansas is my last official ride of the summer, so why not add another thing before the weather turns and I’ll have to finally come to terms with this baby and their daddy.
After another two bowls of cereal, I turn off the fireplace and TV, clicking lamps off on my way back to my room. As the living room is cast into darkness, a light down the opposite hall catches my eye. I tip toe across the floor towards it, listening forany sound from inside. Music plays softly floating out from the crack under the door. I raise my fist, ready to knock, but pull it back, wrapping my arms around my middle and turning back towards my room. It doesn’t take long before I slip off to sleep surrounded by a mountain of soft sheets and heavy covers.
Be a good girl and I won’t hurt you…at least, not too much. The man's whiskey breath is hot against my skin, his knee nudging my legs apart as he steps between them. My arms hang heavy, the drugs in my body making them useless to fight him off. Struggling to fill my lungs with air underneath the tight hold he has on my neck, my vision begins to go blurry. No, no, no. Please no! I open my mouth to yell, but nothing comes out. Tears prick at my eyes, threatening to spill over, but I blink them back, determined to not show weakness at the monster whose hands slide over my skin. I try to send my mind somewhere else, make myself just a body for him to use.I’ll be ok after this, I tell myself. I will not break. Images of Mallory suffering like I’m about to be brings me a small sense of comfort. If she can survive this, I can, too. I let my eyes roll down to his, hoping he can see the coldness in them.
“Hannah!”a voice calls out to me. I turn my head, trying to find the man behind the voice, but he’s nowhere to be found. God, I miss him! Fresh tears well and I have to clench my eyes closed to keep them from slipping.Baby, I’m here!There he is again. My head lolls from side to side, trying to keep my eyes open, but they feel so heavy. If he could bring some vigilante justice to the man who raped Mallory, wouldn’t he do the same for me? Fingers slither up my legs and twist between my legs, cupping me. I thrash in his hold, begging silently for him to let me go. Let me go so I can get back to my cowboy.
“I’ve got you, darlin’.” Strong arms wrap around me, pulling me away from the man in my dream. And slowly the nightmare fades, the warmth of a body behind me pulling me from sleep.My body is covered in a layer of sweat, my heart racing. It was so real. I surrender to the comfort shielding me from the horrible memory. Blinking away the dream, I look down at the arms bound around my waist. Black skulls and cacti. Ghost’s face. A rose and spur linked against my belly. And for a moment, I envision a happier time where those hands hold me from behind, feeling for the movement and kicks of a growing baby. I sink into his chest, letting him hold me. Time slips away, and I begin to nod off. He rolls me onto my side, then slips out of bed, clicking off the bedside light, sending the room into moonlight. The loss of his body curled around mine wakes me fully again. I whip around, letting out a breath of relief when I see him standing there, watching me. Dressed in nothing but a pair of black briefs, his body is only visible between slivers of moonlight streaming in through the blinds.
“Dean,” I whisper. He doesn’t say anything, but walks around the bed towards the window, gripping the frame through the blinds and sliding it open a few inches. A rush of cool summer air feels heavenly as it caresses my hot skin. “Will you, um…will you stay. Please?” My voice comes out shaky and uncertain. He hesitates for a brief moment before he turns on his heel, rounding the foot of the bed. His strong hands tug the covers back sliding one leg in before turning on his side to face me. For a moment, I feel like I’m still dreaming, but when he raises an arm and motions for me to lay back, I don’t care if I am or not. I settle into the space between his arm and chest, letting the warmth of his back and the sound of crickets outside lull me back to sleep.
I wake with a start, the sound of cows lowing around the cabin waking me from a thankfully dreamless sleep. I peek over my shoulder, but Dean no longer lays beside me, and I curse myself at the sense of disappointment that washes over me. Climbing from bed, I check the time, it’s still early for a weekend,but considering Dean’s family works a ranch year round, I doubt there is such a thing as weekend time. I tug on a pair of relaxed, faded jeans that sit on the chair in the corner and another oversized sweatshirt, the wordsSchrute Farmshave long since faded.The Officewas my dad’s absolute favorite show, and this sweatshirt, despite how itchy it has become from countless washes, was one of the few I saved from my dad after he passed. I remember the day his smell faded from it, and it felt like I’d lost him all over again.
My eyes water at the memory, and instinctively I pull the neck up to my nose and inhale. If I try hard enough, I can still make out hints of mint from the gum he always chewed. My emotions are all over the place, but I chalk it up to another early pregnancy symptom and wipe under my eyes before cleaning up in the bathroom. The cabin is quiet yet again when I step out of my room and head to the front door. I noticed a small dirt road that went up over the hill behind the cabin when I was putting Queen in the fenced pasture yesterday. Stopping by, I give her a mint I snagged from the bowl by the front door. I run my hand over her forehead, and laugh when Ghost comes trotting up from behind. He gently knocks his big head against Queen’s shoulder, pushing her out of the way and sniffing at my outstretched hand, looking for a mint of his own.
“How could I forget about you?” I coo, unwrapping another one from my pocket. Smiling at the pair of them, I turn and begin my walk up the short drive where I can see the outline of a rooftop just over the top. It takes me longer than I expected to reach the driveway; every few minutes I’d stop and marvel at the beauty of the land around me. The rising sun puts an ethereal glow on everything it touches. The gold rays pokes through the pine boughs and reflecting off the grass waving in the morning breeze. Laughter greets me as I near the front porch and I still for a moment, soaking in the memories of family gatheredaround a table, laughing and chatting like there wasn’t a care in the world. And just like that, the reminder that Dean lied about something this magical slices like a hot knife. I spin on my boot heel, ready to trek back to the cabin, but a voice stops me.
“Oh, hi there!” I look over my shoulder and find a slender woman with waves of red hair spilling over her shoulders coming around the side of the house. Her arms are weighed down with a basket filled with eggs and a large carton of freshly picked strawberries.
“Hi!” I smile and lift my hand in greeting. “Can I help you with that?” I take a few quick steps towards her just as the carton of berries wobbles in her grasp when she tries to adjust her hold on the basket.
“Oh my gosh, yes please. Thank you!” Her smile warms my heart and she moves around me. “You comin’?” she asks over her shoulder as she walks up the front steps. The smell of bacon wafts from the open door and my mind does that thing again.Need bacon, now!
The smell of heavy butter and sticky sugar dances around me the moment I step into the home. Laugher floats down the hallway and I follow the voices into a wide open kitchen, a bar top lined with stools separating the dining room and kitchen. The man and woman I’d seen outside Dean’s trailer bump hips at the stove top. The whole scene makes me pause for a moment, watching as the man whispers something to the woman, causing her cheeks to blush before he pecks her on the cheek. The woman I met outside places the basket on the counter and tells the woman all about the rooster who chased her last time she went back there. Owen swats her butt before pulling her into a tight embrace, tipping her back and smiling against her lips. The woman laughs, her ginger tresses falling down to the floor and flying up around them when he brings her upright again.
“Lunatics, each one of ‘em.” A shiver works its way over me at his deep voice whispering over the skin on my neck. The closer he steps into me, the faster my heart beats. Before he can say anything else, the older woman turns, noticing us and throwing a hand to her chest.
“I didn’t see y’all there.” She hurries over to me, grabbing the container of berries out of my hand and pulling me into her. Vanilla and sunshine wash over me, making me feel like crying again. I haven’t had a hug like that since…since before. “Come in, come in.” She waves me in further to the kitchen. I risk a glance back at Dean and my throat closes up.Fuck me.His hair hangs around his ears, the ends still damp like he just showered. My eyes flick down to his bare feet, and up over his jeans that hang loosely around his legs and low on his hips. His faded Colorado State shirt stretches over his frame. Memories of what we did the last time I wore that shirt have me staring longer than I should. As if thinking the same thing, he winks at me, pushing off from the doorframe with his shoulder and following me into the crowded kitchen. Seeing him in such a relaxed state is such a contradiction to the man that I’m so used to. The carefree energy about him and the comfort he feels in his parents’ house is so palpable, I could reach out and touch it. It’s such a contrast to the dark and gloomy cowboy I’ve become so accustomed to. I love his rugged edges—every flaw matches perfectly to one of my own. But the man standing in the kitchen of the farmhouse he grew up in is someone else entirely. Another side of Dean that I hate to admit I want to know everything about. His clean and relaxed appearance makes me keep stealing glances at him even while his mom all but drags me through the room.
“Mama, leave her be,” he says, eyeing me as he pops a strawberry into his mouth. He dodges a slap to the hand by his mother. His eyes glint with humor as he catches me gawking at him, dragging his thumb across his lower lip, slowly collecting arogue drop of red juice. My face fills with heat at the seductive way he sucks his thumb between his lips.
“Hush,” she scolds, then turns to face me, breaking the moment between Dean and I. There is a genuine smile on her face when she introduces herself. “I’m Jodie and this…” she says, turning to look at the older man, “is Brad.” He gives me a smile of his own and nods, reaching his hand out for me to shake.
“Nice to meet you both,” I say, forcing myself to not peek around them at their son. Shaking his hand, I clear my throat. “Thank you for letting me stay with you all for a few days.”
Jodie waves another hand. “Anytime, you are welcome here whenever you’d like.”
Dean coughs quietly behind me, and his mom looks quickly at him before giving my hand a pat and turning back to the stove, a mountain of crepes stacked high on the plate beside her.
A warm hand lands on my upper arm. Turning, I find Owen and the other woman waiting behind me. “Morning, Hannah,” Owen says, that playful smile sitting at home on his face. “This is my fiancée, Vivienne.” He smiles wider and his eyes shimmer with unabashed love as he looks over at her.
“You can call me Vivi, everyone does.” Her smile is radiant, and I already like her.
“Hi, Vivi...” I say with a smile of my own before being ushered to the table by Jodie Wilder. I stand in the same place, watching the herd of them filter around the table and sit down. Dean pulls a chair out next to him watching me, waiting for me to sit beside him. Narrowing my eyes at him, I tilt my chin up in defiance and shuffle behind Owen to take the seat beside Vivi, directly across from Dean. His lips tilt up at the challenge he pushes the chair back in before giving me a nod, scratching the growth on his chin.
“Let’s say grace,” Jodie starts, and the group slowly lifts their hands, ready to pray. Vivi reaches her hand out to mine, and Imove to grab it when the sound of a chair sliding across the wood floor grabs everyone's attention.
“One sec, Mama,” Dean says loudly, his long legs carrying him around the table towards me. My mouth falls open, but I sit there and stare at him. When he reaches me, he pulls out my seat with a grunt then reaches his arms under my knees, lifting me up to his chest. I let out a huff of frustration at the scene he’s causing before he grabs the back of the chair he originally pulled out for me and plops me roughly into the seat. Everyone watches in shock, except for Owen who has one hand over his mouth hiding a smile, the other gripping Vivi’s hand, ready for grace. “Go on.” Dean motions towards his mom, reaching out and grabbing her still outstretched hand. I tuck my palm between my thighs, but one look from him says he’d enjoy fishing it out. With another sigh of defeat, I slap it down in his with an exaggerated eye roll. His fingers curl around mine and that familiar heat that has haunted me since he first touched me begins to soak back in.
