Callie takes the next opportunity to step in between us. “Lucie’s orders.”
Emma takes my other hand tugging me along with Lucie. “Five minutes tops.”
With the first step all arguments die. I follow their lead, when Lucie completely bypasses the kitchen and pulls us into a private room I know I’m about to let out the cry I’ve been dying to have.
With the click of the door, Lucie turns, giving me that soft smile. “Let it out, Jen.”
If she insists.
I let out all the stress, all the hurt, the emotional turmoil I’ve felt because I know without a shadow of a doubt that they won’t judge me for it.
Lucie hugs me head on, while Callie wraps around my back, and Emma comes to the side.
“I was holding it together so well.” I laugh slightly through the tears. “I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I know I can’t leave him. And I feel like the worst person in the world because I want to know how he feels so bad, then I think about how he left in the middle of the night without a word, and I feel physically sick.”
I hadn’t had the time to fully explain what happened, but with the call to Dex in the middle of the night and one very brief text to Lucie from the plane I’m sure they’ve all made the assumption.
They probably saw this coming from a mile away. Some part of me saw it too, but I was sure it had changed.
Lucie leans back. “Okay, first off, you’re not the worst—you’re human, Jensen. Of course you’re having mixed emotions right now, in any other situation I’d be tearing Beck a new one.”
“Agreed,” Callie adds. “Give yourself a little bit of credit, babe.”
Emma runs her hand up and down my back. “Did he mention why he left?”
I shake my head. “Not one that I’ve let him say. He did leave a note, but I’ve been too scared to open it. I’m terrified to know what it says. None of this is what we agreed to—I honestly don’t know what I’m doing here. I just know I can’t leave, but I can’t make this about us either. Now I’m in here falling apart. I’ve been stuck in this death spiral of sadness, guilt, and hurt.”
“You’re putting way too much pressure on yourself.” Lucie dabs her sleeve on my cheeks. “Have you eaten anything? Drank water?”
The look I give her is answer enough.
“Okay.” She looks to Callie and Emma. “Can you guys get her something small to eat and some water?”
I don’t waste my breath arguing, I just let them do whatever. The idea of food makes me feel sick, but that excuse will mean nothing to Lucie.
“Jensen.” Lucie shakes my shoulders slightly when it’s only us left in the room. “Listen to me, I truly am so sorry for Beck and his family. I hate this situation, but I want you to hear me when I say I’m here for you. I’m not about to let you tell yourself you’re the worst. I don’t want you to feel guilty. I’m not saying don’t be sad, but if no one’s putting you first right now, let that person be me.”
I let out a pained laugh as another tear falls. I don’t know how I got so lucky to have Lucie.
“I’m serious, Jen, we’ll leave right now if you want to. I’ll be that girl. I don’t care.”
I swipe at my cheek and for the first time in days I don’t have a forced smile. “Say what you actually want to be.”
The corners of Lucie’s mouth turn up. “I’ll be that bitch if it means you get some rest and a chance to actually breathe.”
“Hearing you say that is more than enough.” I give her the biggest hug. “I love you, Princess Peach.”
She chuckles. “I love you too.”
Lucie doesn’t let me leave the room until I drink the entirety of the glass of water and the dinner roll Callie and Emma brought.
Walking back out, I hold Lucie’s hand for every ounce of courage I can steal from her.
Beck’s eyes find me the moment we enter back through the chapel doors. In spite of everything, I can see that longing still in his eyes. I don’t want to give up on us, I just hope that longing isn’t rooted in him already accepting the fact that he’ll let me go.
Lucie’s hand squeezes mine. “I’m obviously not the one you need to be hearing this from, but he loves you.”
I attempt to swallow the lump that is all but taking up a permanent residency in my throat. “I know that to some degree,” I whisper, watching as Beck weaves through the people to get to me. “It just can’t be about that right now.”
