There isn’t one. I really want to believe that as Charlie kisses me again before disappearing back into the bake room.
He hurries. I’ve been sitting on one of the stools by the sales counter for less than five minutes when he comes back. He’s taken off the dark red apron and reaches for his jacket, which is hanging on a hook on the wall. He pulls a woolly hat out of his pocket, but doesn’t put it on; instead, he holds it out to me.
‘Take this,’ he demands sternly. My stomach feels warm. I do as he says and slip down from the stool as he reaches for my hand. He doesn’t let go of it all the way back to the school. Not even when we’re through the gate and a few third- and fourth-formers are coming towards us.
It’s almost wing time, but Charlie doesn’t stop to say goodbye when we get to the point where he should go right and I should turn left. I pause in the west-wing stairwell. He immediately looks at me.
‘Everything OK?’ His eyes wander over me.
‘Ms Barnett is sure to look in on me.’ I pull my key out of my pocket and hand it to him. ‘You go ahead. I’ll tell her I’m back and that I’m going straight to bed.’
‘OK.’ He leans down and kisses me, slips the key into his pocket, and hurries away.
Ms Barnett asks three times how I feel, and won’t let me go until I’ve taken my temperature. It’s normal. She’s satisfied, and nods understandingly when I say I’m going to get an early night.
My heart is pounding as I walk down the corridor to my room. Charlie’s left the door ajar and he’s sitting on the bed as I come in. He raises his head, his blond hair falling into his eyes, and my stomach leaps. He’s already taken off his jacket and shoes, and he stands up as I follow suit.
Then he pulls me to him and presses me into the mattress. The last time we shared a bed was after the New Year Ball. And I’vemissed it. His warm body, the fact of how perfectly my head fits his chest.
‘Your parents were here?’ he asks.
I feel suddenly cold. ‘Yes, I . . . Did you see them?’ I make an effort to sound as unfazed as possible. Did he see Mum too? And if so, did he notice anything?
‘Only your dad, last Monday. But Mum said they were here together a couple of days ago, to see you. Didn’t you want to go home with them?’
‘I was feeling loads better, and it would have been kind of tricky. Dad’s got so much work on right now, and Mum . . .’Shit.‘She’s away a lot.’
Charlie says nothing. Eventually, he asks: ‘Is everything OK at home?’
He knows. Or maybe he doesn’t, but he can guess. Of course he can. He knows me. Last time I got ill at school, Mum and Dad picked me up and looked after me at home. But I was thirteen then, and Mum hadn’t started drinking. Or not as obviously. I was younger. Maybe I just didn’t notice.
‘Yeah, sure,’ I say hastily, but my voice sounds a bit high. And the tears spring to my eyes. It’s just so hard to keep pushing everything down, not to permanently worry about it all. Has Mum really got it under control? Will Dad manage to persuade her to try another clinic? Would that even do any good if it’s not her own decision?
‘Hey,’ Charlie whispers, laying his fingers on my cheek. I blink and blink and blink, but I’m tired and thin-skinned, and then I start to cry. ‘Tori, what’s wrong?’
My shoulders twitch and I get the feeling that, here in his arms, everything that’s been holding me together for the last few weeks just falls away.
‘Has something happened?’
I want to shake my head and nod at the same time, because I don’t know. Something’s happened, but nothing specific. It’s more something brewing slowly, and scaring me. Because I can only guess at what will happen next.
‘It’s so stupid,’ I blurt out. ‘Sorry.’
‘It’s not stupid,’ he says at once. ‘Is she drinking again?’
How could I ever have thought he wouldn’t have twigged?
I just nod and wipe away my tears.
‘A lot?’ he asks.
‘I don’t know.’ Sobs. Soothing. ‘Will and I haven’t been home since that weekend at the end of January.’
‘Is that why you came back early?’
I nod again, feeling ashamed. But it’s the truth. ‘And because of Kit,’ I add. ‘It was the weekend the situation with his dad escalated.’
Charlie hesitates. ‘Was she . . . you know, when they were here?’
