“Not into younger men?”
“Not into men, period.”
Turns out she’s happily married to a kindergarten teacher, so when I tried to switch gears, I found out she has absolutely no desire to go pick up women with me.
Emma finishes reading the document, flips the pages back into place, and hands it to me. She gives me a long, sympathetic look. “I’m so sorry, Leo. This must really hurt.”
“It does, thank you, Emma. It’s nice to know someone cares,” I say, glaring at my brother.
“What?” Pierce asks. “Can I help it if I find this hilarious? To be honest, I can’t wait to take some video of you working to send to all your friends.”
Oh my God, I hadn’t considered the humiliation if my friends find out about my little situation. Most of them are truly awful people. They will never let me live it down. My stomach drops at the thought of it. “You wouldn’t.”
“Oh, but I would,” he says, letting go of Emma’s foot long enough to pick up his wineglass and have a sip.
“You’re such a douche-canoe. I don’t know why I came here.”
“Because I let you stay, and unlike our other brother, I’m not a total arshole who lives with a complete witch.”
“Aww, thanks, baby,” Emma says facetiously.
“Anything for my lady.” Pierce makes a kissing motion at her, and I can’t help but chuckle at their exchange. Turning back to me, he adds, “But not anything for you, you lazy bellend.”
“Try to be sensitive, Pierce,” Emma says. “Your father hasliterallyhired a parole officer to keep watch over your brother. Their relationship is obviously severely damaged.”
“Oh, please,” Pierce scoffs. “His relationship with father is no worse than the rest of ours, and look how well I turned out. Besides, it’s the perfect opportunity for him to find some direction in life.”
“Stay out of it, Pierce. I’m trying to have a conversation with Emma here,” I say, staring longingly at the bottle of wine I’m not allowed to touch for fear that my parole officer will jump out from behind the potted palm in the corner with a tiny plastic cup. “Pierce seems to think there’s no way out of this other than to live up to the terms, but there must be some loophole. Anything come to mind for you?”
Emma shakes her head apologetically. “I think he’s got you. The resort does have a lawyer if you want to run it by her, but she’s pretty expensive.”
I’m about to ask Pierce if he could front me some money, but apparently he’s on to me, because he shakes his head. “Not a chance.”
Bugger. I really may have to get a job. I stare down at the dreaded contract that I must’ve read over a dozen times by now. “In that case, I guess I have no choice.” I pull my mobile phone out of my pocket. “Okay, Google, how does one find a job?”
Emma and Pierce exchange a glance, then she says, “Perhaps I can help you. The contract doesn’t say anything about not working for someone you know. I’m sure I can find some sort of position for you at the resort.”
“Really?” I ask, feeling a hint of relief for the first time today.
“Sure. What kind of work experience do you have?”
Pierce cuts in with, “I made him clean up after himself once in a while when he lived with me.”
“The wax-finger figurines?” I ask.
He nods.
“Oh, Christ, cleaning was awful. That sucking machine was horribly loud. I don’t want to spend six months doing that.”
“Okay,” Emma says. “What else have you done?”
Tapping my index finger on my bottom lip for a moment, I rack my brain for anything I’ve done that would qualify as work experience. “Does maintaining excellent personal hygiene translate into anything useful in a resort setting?”
“Not…not really,” she says, attempting to hide a troubled expression. “That’s all right. We do on-the-job training so it should be fine. What would you say your biggest assets are?” Emma asks.
“As an employee, Leo,” Pierce says in a warning tone. And it’s probably a good thing, too, because Iwasabout to say something inappropriate.
“Well, unlike my brother, I’m a people person. I’d say I am very fun most of the time, and I know how to show other people a good time. Are there any jobs like that? Perhaps director of entertainment or some such?”
