“Never too busy for friends of my dear mother-in-law.”
“Oooh, you!” she says, blushing a little. “Such the charmer. Have a look around, everyone. You’ll note the light is perfect for aCarmona microphylla.”
“I’m not sure I’d agree, Evi,” a gentleman with a tidy white beard says. “I’m thinkingFicus retusa.”
“Quite right,” Evi says. “Arthur, you remember my neighbour, Grace, from next door?”
Grace smiles up at me, looking a bit shy behind her enormous lavender-rimmed glasses.
“Of course. Grace, how are you?” I take her hand and hold it up for a second, as though presenting it back to her. It’s a little move I picked up a while back that allows me to avoid the whole double kisses on the cheeks thing whilst still managing to please most of the ladies I meet.
She beams at me. “I’m doing well. Recently lost two hundred forty pounds.”
“You did not,” I say. “I don’t remember you being...” What? Large? Heavy? What’s the proper term here?
Evi saves me from myself. “She’s talking about her husband!”
The group bursts into laughter, leaving me with my mouth hanging open.
“I take it you’re not sad to be rid of him?”
“Not at all. I should have kicked him out years ago. I’ve never felt so free in my entire life.” Grace says.
“Speaking of being free,” Evi says. “If your father isn’t seeing anyone, I thought it would be fun for Grace and him to hook up. They’d have the most wonderfultimetogether, if you know what I mean.”
Christ, I hope I don’t. Grace blushes a deep red and starts to giggle wildly. "Never mind, Evi! I told you it was a terrible idea," Grace says.
"What are you talking about? It's a marvelous idea. You're single, he's single, you're both approximately the same age, and as far as I know, neither of you is attached at the moment."
"I'm not looking for anything serious," Grace says. " I'm just looking for a little fun, is all, and your father seems to be up for it."
Dear God, what am I supposed to say to that? There is literally no way I can answer that question without completely insulting Grace, and therefore my mother-in-law. "At the moment, my father is on safari. I believe he'll be back in about six weeks, so if you're still free then, why don't you have Evi let me know and I can run the idea past him."
The two ladies grab each other's hands and make strange giggly squeaky sounds, then Grace turns to me and says, "Only if it wouldn't be too much trouble. I'd hate to impose."
Evi answers on my behalf. “Impose?" she says, waving off the very notion with one hand. "We're practically family, Grace. And there really is no such thing as an imposition when it comes to family."
Not entirely true, but there's no sense in telling them that.
Tidy Beard joins us. "Have you ever dabbled in the art of the bonsai, Prince Arthur?"
“I'm afraid I have not. But I do have a great deal of respect for the patience and dedication required."
"Don't think you have what it takes to join the ranks of the bonsai masters, then?" he asks with a smug lift of his chin.
"Arthur has absolutely no time to be tending to so much as an artificial plant, let alone a bonsai tree,” Evi says.
"Speaking of time," I say, gesturing at the door, where Vincent is now standing, tapping his watch with one finger. "I'm afraid I have a meeting with the Avonian Ambassador to the United Nations now."
"Of course, we don't want to make you late for that. Thank you so much for receiving us today," Evi says.
She then claps her hands together to bring order to the group and gestures towards the door.
The rest of the group files past Vincent. Evi starts to follow them, but much to my horror, she stops in front of him and gives him a sniff. "Vincent, my dear fellow, has anyone ever told you that you smell like blue cheese?"
I am dumbstruck for a moment and find myself unable to come to the rescue of my most loyal assistant and friend. He stares at her for a moment, saying nothing, and I can tell by the look on his face he’s trying to hide what I'm sure are very hurt feelings.
"No, madam. I have not been told that before but shall take it under advisement."
