“Get pneumonia?”
At that, he smiled. Rather than sitting next to me, he knelt in front of me on the slope. “Baring myself.” I swallowed, unsure where this was going. “Something I should have done a long time ago.”
Blinking, I opened my mouth, trying to force out the words, but none would come.
“This morning…I told you I wasn’t going to lie anymore and I asked you in so many words to be honest. There’s so much I’ve never told you, so much you need to know. And…I’m not asking you to take me back. But I do want you to know what you’ve meant to me.”
My breath hitched in my chest and I felt like I couldn’t draw in any more air. Still, I managed to force the words out. “I didn’t leave Braden because of you.”
“I know. But, all these years, I feel like I know you—and you say you love Braden, but I didn’t see it in your eyes, not like I saw it in his. And if you’d married, he would have been ecstatic—and you might have been happy. I don’t know, but you never once acted like he was your forever man. And…”
“And if he wasn’t, the marriage was doomed to a slow, painful death,” I said, feeling a chill in my bones, probably because seeing Zack half-naked was making me cold.
For his part, he seemed unfazed. “After all the shit I put you through, Dani, I just want you to be happy. And I sure as hell want Braden to be happy. I know you want that too—and you might have been able to make it work, but…it’s like my mom. She always says she likes working in corrections, but I know it’s a lie. She likes the money she makes, but she drinks too much and, when she has to go back to work after a couple of days off, the night before you can see the dread on her face. It’s made her numb and miserable. I always hoped I could take her away from that. And maybe I will, but that’s not the point. The point is if you try to convince yourself that a lie is true, you’re cursing yourself.”
“Well, I didn’t.”
Zack nodded. “I’m telling you this from personal experience.”
“What do you mean?” I searched his emerald green eyes, wondering what the hell he could be talking about. Hadn’t he achieved everything he’d ever wanted? Money from sharing his art with the world, fame, whatever he wanted—and we already knew Riot’s next album would sell even better.
If the band lasted for that moment.
But, even if it didn’t, Zack hadit—he’d come out of it with the ability to start over. The world loved him, warts and all, and they would take him and his words and music however they could have him.
Shifting his focus to the strip of sand between us, he let out a long, slow breath. “I hinted at this last night…but I have lied to you for most of our lives together, Dani.”
A chill darted down my spine. “What do you mean?”
Looking back up at me, he swallowed, causing his Adam’s apple to move—and the pain in his eyes was palpable, making my heart feel as if it were being squeezed in a vice. “I fell in love with you during that first chess game. You seemed to understand me from the start. When I told Braden, he told me you were way out of our league.”
“What?”
He shook his head slightly. “I know. But I was a dumb kid and I bought it. Besides, Braden seemed to be right. Ava was proof. I mean, she seemed like she should have been going to a prep school in an exclusive neighborhood in Denver. Maybe it was all an act, but she had us convinced she was better than the rest of us.”
I scoffed. “Then why the hell did you date her?”
“What better way to take a snotty bitch down a peg or two? Have her cross the tracks and soil herself. That’s how.” He cocked an eyebrow, a remnant of Rock Star Zack having a moment.
“But…you saidshebroke up withyou.”
“Yeah, she sure did, because I was an asshole. I didn’t love her, Dani, and I never would.Youhad my heart.”
“That’s bullshit, Zack. You said you were going to be honest but you’re rewriting history here.” Frowning, I considered getting up and walking away.
“It’s not bullshit.”
“Then why the hell did you take my virginity and then push me away after? Same with my very first kiss? And even when we were together? You just shit all over everything.”
“Don’t you get it? The first time we kissed, I was drunk.When we made love, I was drunk—and I didn’t know you were a virgin. When we were together, I was an alcoholic. My head wasn’t on straight—and you didn’t deserve that.”
“Yeah, but couldn’t you have justsaidyou cared?”
“No…because I’ve always known I’m the wrong man for you. And telling you would have made you stay with me. Braden…nowhewould treat you right.”
As much as I wanted to get angry, I couldn’t. Instead, I felt a wave of sadness wash over me like a ripple on the surface of a lake. I just shook my head, again out of words.
“You know it’s true. You and me…we’re like—like oil and water. And that’s so fucked up, because on paper, we’re compatible. We love all the same shit. Even our families are similar. But when we finally decided to try, it didn’t work.”
