“No.”
Huh? I was stunned. I was sure she was just hanging around until I seemed steady enough to be left unattended. Hell, if anything, it was safer for her if she left now. God knows how long I’d be able to keep my hands to myself. “Why not?”
“Jenna told me to stay.”
“Oh.”
Based on the pained look that snuck over her face, that was the wrong answer. I hadn’t meant it like it sounded, but women were painful like that. Every grunt and groan got overanalysed and scrutinised intently. In this case, all it meant was I had no fucking idea what I was supposed to say to that. Was I glad she was staying? Fuck yeah. Did I have a clue why? Nope. Was I going to ask her to leave? Not even if hell froze over.
“I can go…”
“No!” Wow! My mouth had a mind of its own tonight. Just like my cock. And both were adamant Josie should stay. Her kissable lips fell open and I’m almost positive she gasped. Or maybe it was me. Who the hell knew. Pulling my head out of my ass was an effort, but one I needed to make quickly if I had any hope of convincing her to give me the time of day. “What I mean is, don’t go. Please.” I sounded like a whiny school girl, but I didn’t give a shit.
“You want me to stay?”
“I want you to stay.”
“O-okay.”
I could hear the hesitation in her voice as uncertainty flickered in her eyes, but she didn’t make a move to leave. “If I’m staying, do you have a shirt or something I can change into?”
Fuck yeah I did! Even the idea of Josie in my clothes made my breath catch and I was forced to swallow down the urge to beat my chest like a damn caveman. “Give me a second.” As quickly as I could I strode into my room and found a hoodie in the pile. After a quick sniff test to make sure it was clean, I scooped up the rest of the pile, and stuffed them in the bottom of the cupboard before straightening the comforter. Some days I may act like a slob, still that didn’t mean Josie had to witness it. It wasn’t until I was back in the kitchen that it occurred to me what I’d just done. I’d cleaned my room. I had a woman in my house, who would shortly be wearing my clothes, the makings of a semi in my pants, and I’d cleaned my room. Not trusting myself to speak, I handed Josie the sweatshirt, and when our fingers touched, even for the briefest moment, I felt like something smacked me in the centre of my chest.
“Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.” I wasn’t exactly sure where these manners had come from. Although I was not normally rude, yet there was something about Josie that made me want to be better. Sure, I still wanted to throw her over my shoulder, take her into my room, and not let either of us out until we were completely satisfied, but it was more than that. I wanted to see her smile. I wanted to know what made her tick. More than anything else though, I wanted to know what made her run.
“I’m just going to get changed, then you’re going to tell me what tonight was all about.”
“Any chance you could just forget about it?”
Tilting her head to the side, her ponytail swished as she shook her head slightly. “Can you?”
My jaw fell open but no words came out. My dick deflated and suddenly all the dirty thoughts that’d been buzzing around in my head vanished as reality filtered back in. I didn’t want to do this. It was going to fucking hurt. Like childbirth hurt. Not that I’d ever been through that, but I’d heard enough women bitching about it to know it wasn’t pleasant. Well, either was this.
I watched as she retreated into my house, and when I heard the bathroom door click, I grabbed the bottle of vodka from the freezer and poured myself a couple of fingers. Yeah, I was well aware that I’d barely sobered up and I was already going back for more, but there was no way in hell I’d be able to do this sober. Vodka was my antiseptic tonight. Gulping it down in one mouthful, I stuffed the bottle back where it’d come from and rinsed the glass before Josie returned. The moment I refilled my glass with orange juice I felt like an idiot. I was a grown man, in his own home. If I wanted to get smashed or have a drink then no one else’s opinion mattered. Well, at least it shouldn’t. But it did. More than it should.
Grabbing my glass and a block of chocolate I wandered into the lounge room, clicking on the lamp. If I thought I’d get away with it, I’d have left the lights off completely and sat in the dark as I bared my soul. I just didn’t think Josie would appreciate it. Settling into the lounge, I picked at my nails while I waited for her.
Even though it was probably only a minute, it felt like a lifetime. I could hear the blood moving around my body and felt my pulse in my fingertips. I shouldn’t be this on edge. I couldn’t shake it.
“Hurry up! Hurry up!” I chanted to myself.
“I’m sorry,” Josie apologised. Coming into the room, her very presence sucked the air out. She’d washed her face and gone was the makeup mask of someone trying to hide something. I knew girls caked that shit on thinking it made them more attractive or would hide the flaws, but really it was the flaws that made them beautiful. At least in my eyes. Yet it was my own hoodie that had me stunned. It fell down around her ass, and she’d rolled the arms up so her hands were free. Suddenly my mouth was as dry as the desert and all speech was gone.
While I was sitting there with my mouth hanging open like a guppy, Josie kicked off her shoes, and settled into the lounge, tucking her feet up under her. The moment she pulled the blanket from the back and draped it across her lap, I heard the groan pass my lips. She’d settled in. Flashes danced in my vision of many nights spent cuddled up under that blanket in front of the fire with some stupid kid-friendly movie on the flat screen while Matilda sat on the floor. Holy crap! I was envisioning a life with not just Josie, but with her daughter. Like a family. Something I swore I’d never go near. Not again.
I don’t know how long we sat there staring at each other, I just know I couldn’t tear my gaze away. “So…” Josie’s soft voice broke the silence. “Where’s your son, Nate?”
It was like a sucker punch to the solar plexus. It knocked the air straight out of me and I was suddenly in the midst of a coughing fit. A seemingly innocuous question barrelled me over.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” I spluttered.
Once I regained control, Josie looked at me questioningly. I knew she was waiting for an answer, but I just couldn’t. “Going to tell me why you ran?”
“Nice deflection.”
