Just looking at his square face, eyes alight and mouth wide in a pleased smile, I was speechless. Which wasn’t hard to do anyway, but something about this man bugged me.
“I haven’t seen you here before.” His voice was a bit gravelly. His eyes took me in from head to toe. I wasn’t sure how he could since I was still too close.
Stepping back, his hands on my hips dug in, trying to keep me in place. Instantly, my heart was in my throat, pounding way too fast and not in a good way.
I couldn’t speak, my mind blank yet running a million miles an hour at the same time.
“Cat got your tongue?” he titled his head to the side.
I opened and closed my mouth, yet no sound came forth.
“That’s okay. Words aren’t something I want from a sub. I prefer my subs to be quiet unless needing to speak a safe word.” There seemed to be more that he wasn’t saying, and although I knew I should attempt to read between the lines, my mind couldn’t get on board to do so. “I like my boys to be quiet, obedient, and at my feet.”
I knew that was spoken more like an order, yet my knees didn’t hit the ground. I stood, knees locked into place. I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think, as the man looked at me like I was something to unwrap right then and there.
The times that men had looked at me like that always made my skin crawl. I wanted to run, and never return to this place.
The man’s smile fell, but the desire didn’t leave his hungry gaze. If anything, it grew as the seconds ticked by.
The urge to back up, turn away, and leave was right there. So close, yet so far away.
I knew what I needed to do, but it all came crashing down on me like a cold bucket of water, gluing my feet to the floor.
“There you are!” I was jarred as a form all but wrapped around me. My gaze was finally pulled away from the stranger, and I sucked in a deep breath. My head spun as the bit of air reached my lungs. “I was starting to worry you got lost.”
“We were just about-”
“You were just about to leave? Yes, I believe you were,” Beckett interrupted.
There were more words exchanged, but they all went in one ear and out the other as Noah slowly led me away. Soon enough, I was far enough away from the man that his voice no longer reached me, and his gaze was torn away from me, too.
Noah didn’t stop until he pulled us both into an empty, quiet room down a long hallway. The same hallway where I knew the little room was located.
Once my eyes adjusted to the space, and I was able to breathe a bit easier, I found a beanbag chair off in a corner, which was the only strange thing in the place.
The walls were covered in cabinets, the doors all shut, and hiding away types of implements. A sink was positioned between two closed doors and a stack of washrags sitting by the faucet.
I bypassed the single wooden chair that was in the middle of the room, taking a seat on the floor a bit away from the black beanbag.
Noah let me go, but even without words, I knew he was worried. Heck, I was worried. Worried about panicking in front of him. Worried about making a fool of myself. Worried about making the wrong choices?
Sitting more gently on the chilled floor than I wanted, I let the temperature soak through my pants. I needed something to ground me, to keep the panic away.
Tonight didn’t go the way I wanted, but what else had I expected? Nothing ever worked for me unless someone was to take that rule and make the decisions for me.
I would forever be a failure, and it wasn’t going to ever change.
I sniffed, using the back of my hand to wipe under my nose.
Crying was even worse than panicking. And I wasn’t a freaking baby.
Noah didn’t utter a single word but did hand me a cold bottle of water after opening it for me. I took it, keeping my gaze away from him. I didn’t want Noah to see me like this. I was always the one who took care of him. I was the strong one. I had to be because I didn’t know what else to be like.
As I took a long drink, letting the cold clear liquid soothe my parched throat, there was a low, soft voice that I ignored from the doorway. It was easier to pretend that they weren’t here while I forced thoughts away.
Now wasn’t the time to let them appear. If ever. But I knew they’d come either way. They always did.
Once more, I jerked, my elbow hitting the wall beside me, as something soft was draped across my shoulders.
