Sighing, I turned so my back was facing the wall more, allowing me to watch the comings and goings. The shadows danced across faces, not giving me many hints of who could be someone to do what I wanted tonight.
No one from my sitting area caught my attention.
As the minutes ticked by, the little bit of bravery that I came in with slowly disappeared. The itch, though, only grew in strength.
While a part of me regretted trying to come here again like this, without Noah even knowing, the other part was more at the surface. The part that was all needed.
It seemed like so long ago when Oscar had wrapped my wrists and hands in rope, but was only merely weeks ago. That one moment awoke me more than I ever expected, and now I was stuck between my needs and desires.
I was sure I was just simply going crazy. There was no other explanation for it.
No one needed rope or any other sort of bondage. And some would think that the type of trauma I’d been through, it would likely put me right back to that time.
But as the days passed, and since not only the moment with Oscar but also from the years of research I’ve done, I knew without a doubt that I did in fact need rope. Bondage of any kind, possibly, if I ever had the guts to try more than just simple materials around my skin.
Too bad I didn’t know how to go about finding a person to do what I wanted. I wasn’t one hundred percent sure what I wanted, other than to be roped up where I didn’t get a say on any movement.
I wanted so much more than that, but it was a start. A safe start, at that.
Breathing a hard breath through my nose, I shifted once again. I knew to find someone that would at least tie me up, I’d have to put myself out there. Venture out among the strangers and make some sort of small talk.
I’d rather be at work, though. There, small talk was my specialty. Here, I was able to blend in and be invisible.
With another deep breath, I conjured every bit of bravery I could. I wasn’t sure how long it’d last, but I had to do something. I was at least here, and I paid the fee to get in.
Slipping from the booth, I stuck to the shadows, keeping my eyes peeled for someone who could be what I needed for the night.
No one. Not a single person, male or female, sparked any interest from my gaze as I walked the outer edge. Most of the people were either taken, talking to a group of others, or a sub, who was probably looking just like I was. Unsure, scared, and filled with anxiety.
So many things could go wrong. So many things could put me into a panic that would be a fight to get out of. Yet, I could get exactly what I needed without any precautions.
Having to stand on my tiptoes to see over some of the taller people, I still couldn’t see anyone but the backs of heads or tops of hair.
Huffing, I wanted to stomp my feet. This shouldn’t be this freaking hard. Maybe I should have had Noah with me. At least he’d go up to Dom's and tell them what I was looking for, then I’d just have to tell whoever my limits were, and all would be taken out of my hands.
Instead of drawing attention to my inner trauma that wanted to show itself, because no twenty-one-year-old should act like a three-year-old who didn’t get their ice cream, I took another calming breath, falling back to being flat-footed along the floor.
Venturing a tiny bit more inward, so I wasn't exactly hugging the wall, but still in the shadows enough, I made another round around the main gathering area.
Glancing more towards the middle, I wasn’t sure if I was surprised or more upset. I’d know the back of Noah’s head anywhere, and Beckett was hard to miss anyway.
The two were talking to another small group, facing away from me. Noah was clinging to Beckett’s side. I wondered if he was nervous or content to be here. But then just as quickly shook that thought away.
I didn’t need to know. It was better for me not to if I ever wanted those two to have more than just a small fleeting relationship.
Turning my gaze away, my heart at my feet, I slowly made my way around the space some more. Now, there was even a better reason to stay hidden. I didn’t want to answer Noah’s questions he’d no doubt have if he knew I was here.
Maybe that was a sign that I should leave, and count this as yet another loss. It was probably better that way, anyway.
Prepared to leave, I turned around to head out of the club. I took one step before crashing into a hard chest.
My hands landed on a chest to stop my face from smashing into the form as an oomph passed through my lips.
“Well hello there.”
It took me a moment too long to get my eyes to lift up. And up some more.
The man was tall, dark, and dangerous. The little bit of light that hit the side club glistened off his black skin.
