“I… Wow.”
“Yeah, it’s a struggle. But the man who hired me at Golden Tides—he either has anxiety or someone he loves suffers from anxiety so he understood. It was he who created a position above and beyond Surry the Seal for me. I’m really thankful he’s still here in some capacity because he never forgets me and we have meetings and modify my position with new responsibilities and compensation and stuff, even though he’s technically moved up. The new management of my position is very considerate too.”
“What’s his name?”
“Albert Reiss. Do you know him?”
Hugo doesn’t answer for a minute. “No. I don’t think he does anything with the players.”
“I’m not sure. He might be on the admin side of the company.”
“I’m glad there’s someone there who understands.”
“Me too. It’s made all the difference in the world.”
We’re quiet for a minute before Hugo says, “I’ve never really given that much thought—what the world thinks about as having a successful life. I don’t think I like anything on that list except the career thing, but I think that’s happenstance. I just happen to have enough talent to be successful in this career.”
“You also own a house. You’ve definitely got the professional and financial success that society dictates is important.”
“Yes, I have a house; but that’s only because I look at the rental market all the time and it costs me less for this mortgage than it would to rent a house half this size. Plus, if I sell at the right time, I can also make some money back. It’s responsible financial investing.”
I can’t fathom how this man thinks he’s dumb. He’s definitely not. At all.
“Does that mean you don’t want to be married?” I ask.
“I don’t know,” Hugo admits. “I mean… I look at my friends who are married and they’re so damn happy. They love their spouses. I can actually see it. I’ve learned a lot about love and relationships from them and I’ve never felt anything even remotely close to how they obviously feel. We don’t talk about feelings and shit, or their relationships, but Ican see it. And I always couldn’t help but think… that’s just not in the cards for me. I never felt that way about anyone. Until I started hanging out with you, I didn’t even want to be around the same person for more than a few hours—my friends excluded. You’re just… different.”
My heart feels like it’s trying to beat through pudding. “You feel differently about me?”
“Yes. Very. I miss you, and I’ve never missed anyone. Torin, I want to see you every single day. I want to wake up next to you.”
Now I’m trying to breathe with pudding in my lungs. “Me too,” I whisper.
“Anyway. I don’t know about marriage.”
“Can I ask… why did you hook up so much if you weren’t looking for something more?”
Hugo huffs. “It was fun? I could? I don’t have an answer that would satisfy anyone. I just did. When I was first drafted, it was the fact that Icould. The girls wanted me. They were there all the time, willing. There was just something… alluring about that. After a while, that’s what was expected of me. I’m the himbo playboy who always wears sweats without underwear and has a massive dick. That’s what the girls got to brag about. They hooked up with Hugo Bladen. Do you know, not once have any of them tried to get in contact with me again? Sure, they want me to call them when they leave, but notoncehas any of them asked me anything of substance.”
“I believe that,” I say. “You’re a celebrity. It’s so rare that you meet a celebrity who doesn’t find a partner from within their own community. Not like, athlete to athlete, but celebrity status to celebrity status. Like director or journalist. Something that’s not a barista or a mailman. You know?”
“Yes!” Hugo exclaims. “While I always kind of scoffed because pretty or rich people are always drawn to those just like them, I get it to some degree now. If they already have their own fame and fortune, then yours isn’t their top priority. They’re more likely to look atyouinstead of the cameras flashing around you.”
“It’s not a hard and fast rule, but it’s definitely common enough that it feels like a rule.”
Hugo sighs. “Do you want to get married one day?”
“Yes. I don’t know about kids. I could go either way, I think. It’s not something I’ve longed for or anything, but sometimes I think it might be nice to have one or two. Then again, I also like my quiet, peaceful life. But I definitely want to be married.”
He hums. “Why?”
“I don’t know. I guess a part of me wants the world to know I’m loved. That someone chose me over everyone else to share their life with. I want to know that the commitment is serious.”
“I guess maybe I don’t understand the point of marriage. I don’t need to pay someone and drop twenty-grand on a single day just to prove I love someone above all else. A single piece of paper naming us legally wed doesn’t affect how I feel for that person. Then again, since I never truly thought I would meet someone I want to see a second time, maybe my opinion is skewed.”
“Maybe it’s a little skewed,” I agree, “but I can also see your point in all of that. Instead of spending $20,000 on a day, you could use that money to create lots of memories together. Trips and adventures and stuff.”
“That’s exactly what I mean. If it’s a piece of paper you want to prove I love you, I can print one for you. Or if you want to make sure all our friends and family see how in love we are, we can throw a party and… make toasts and stuff. I guess it all just feels material to me. Superficial. None of that is what love is supposed to be about. Once again, just as I said, my opinion is probably very skewed.”
