“Does that happen?”
“Yes. The number of guys who lie about the size of their dicks when looking to hook up is astonishing to me. Like… how do you think we’re going to have sex without me seeing your dick? Then the jig is up. And if you lied to me about something so basic, you can’t possibly think I’m going to believe anything else you said. That dick isn’t going near my ass.”
Hugo laughs. “I love that. Not the lying part, but everything else.”
I smile.
“So… can I tell you something?”
“Yes.”
“Uh… I’ve never had sex before.”
My smile nearly splits my face. “I know. You already told me you’ve never touched a dick so I can’t imagine you’ve had sex with one either.”
Hugo takes a breath. “Yes. Right. But I mean… like, at all. Ever. With anyone.”
It takes me a minute to realize he’s talking aboutanyone. “Hugo, you brought women home with you every night.”
“Yes. I did,” he hedges. “But we always fooled around. Rarely were both of us undressed at the same time. I’m a master of foreplay.”
My eyebrows knit together. “Oh. I?—”
“I’m not waiting for marriage or anything like that. It’s just…” He exhales loudly. “I have two older siblings. My sister is three years older than me and my brother is five years older than me. When I was nine, my brother knocked up his girlfriend—at fourteen. That baby was around often, as you can imagine. Crying at all hours of the day and night. Throwing up. Shitting. You think a grown man can smell, they’ve got nothing on an infant.”
I snort.
“Then when I was twelve, my sister got knocked up by some guy at a school dance—and she was fifteen. My first niece was only there part-time. But my sister’s daughter? Every. Single. Day. Three years later when I turned fifteen, my mother asked me—‘you’re not goingto get anyone pregnant, are you?’ Trust me when I tell you, I’d already been scarred for life.”
“That wasn’t fair of her to put that on you,” I say.
“Meh, I get it. Three kids. The first two did it. Why wouldn’t I follow in their footsteps?”
“Because you’re not them, Hugo, and she shouldn’t treat you as if you are.”
He sighs. “She didn’t. But those sleepless nights and messes and stench… they’ve stuck with me and I’ve been absolutely terrified of getting some random girl pregnant. My sister insists to this day that her baby daddy had been wearing a condom. She’d put it on him. So the fact the condom failed only freaks me out even more, and I don’t want to end up in that situation.”
“I understand.”
“Don’t get me wrong. I love my nieces. And the nieces and nephews who have come after them. But to this day, my greatest fear is having a sudden pregnancy and being stuck with a baby who doesn’t stop crying and making messes everywhere.”
“Does that mean you don’t see yourself with kids later?”
“No,” he practically shouts and I can hear the horror in his voice. “Absolutely not!”
I laugh. “I have good news for you. I can’t get pregnant.”
Hugo burst into laughter and my smile climbs. “I appreciate that reassurance.”
“Not that I’m saying we need to have sex. I’m just throwing it out there. There is no concern with pregnancy here.”
He’s still chuckling when he asks, “Do you? Want kids, I mean.”
“I don’t know. I guess we’re all taught that having a good life means having a wife and kids and house and successful career. Already, I’m not going to have one of those things. And my career is kind of debatable whether or not it’s even a respected career path, according to my parents.”
“That’s shitty.”
“They try to understand, but they don’t have anxiety so they don’t get it. The Golden Tides is the only company that has made such concessions to make me comfortable and allowed me enough hours to live. There are all these government protections against certain classes and whatever, but mental health? Not so much. Sure,you can’t officially discriminate against mental health, but there’s always the argument that if someone can’t perform the duties they were hired for, then they aren’t the employee the company is going to keep. Therewillbe a reason to let them go.”
